Page 36 of Never Let Go (Forbidden #1)

Chapter Thirty-Six

LAUREN

I just got off the phone with Sydney—god I miss her.

She’s been with her parents for nearly two weeks now, but we’ve spoken every day.

Christmas break’s coming to an end, which means she’ll be home soon, and I’ll have to go back to the dorms, which in all honesty I don’t mind.

I’ve loved spending time with Caleb but the emotions he’s bringing out in me are starting to make me panic slightly. And what do I do when I panic? I run.

Things with Caleb have been going well—too well.

We’ve developed a domestic routine which I absolutely love and yet at the same time hate because we all know something’s bound to go wrong.

This isn’t my life. I don’t get the guy at the end of it.

We’re deluding ourselves into thinking this could actually work.

The man is a literal walking pornographic sex god and I’m…

just me. Caleb could have his pick of any woman, why would he want me long term, especially seeing as I’m not sure I want kids.

Surely that’s something he wants seeing as he’s older than me?

Shit, I really need to have that conversation with hi m.

Maybe it’ll do me a favor and he’ll dump me on my ass before I get too far into this?

I’m also in a constant state of ‘will we, won’t we’—will we get caught, will this last?

I’m trying to live in the moment but it’s hard.

The guilt over lying to my best friend, who still thinks I’m staying in our dorm room, by the way, and the fact I could lose my scholarship.

The scholarship that means everything to me.

I make decent money as a stripper but it doesn’t cover everything.

I’m having a complete meltdown, so thank god I’m working tonight, otherwise I think I’d be making an excuse to get out, anyway.

Breathe Lauren, breathe.

Pushing my impending meltdown to the back of my mind, I concentrate on the lights flashing past me as the Uber driver takes me to Strokes. It’s gonna be slammed tonight, it’s a Saturday after all, but it should keep me busy enough.

Walking through the back entrance, I walk into the dressing room and get bombarded before my foot’s even fully through the threshold.

“Look what the cat dragged in,” Zoey drawls, eyeing me up and down.

“Fuck off, Zo, I was here two nights ago,” I retort. The girl has a memory like a fish.

“I know, I’m just trying out something different,” she says with a wink.

Cringing, I reply, “I’m not sure I want to know.”

As usual, Destiny pipes up from behind her mirror, “Zoey here decided that she wants to try out being a Madam, so she’s been practicing her ‘act.’”

“Wow, and I thought I’d heard and seen it all. Good for you girl!” I applaud. If anyone’s gonna be able to do it, it’s Zoey .

I start getting ready for the night, changing into my outfit—a turquoise all in one.

It doesn’t leave much to the imagination but it made me feel sexy, so I’ll take it as a win.

My hair’s up tonight, I normally wear it down when I’m working, as it helps hide my face more, gives me that shy look that the customers love.

But tonight, I’m switching it up a bit, maybe it’s because I’m feeling feisty, or maybe it’s because I need to claw back some of my independence, I don’t know.

I’m feeling out of control, like my body, my thoughts, and my feelings aren’t my own.

Like someone’s come in and stolen them from me.

I’ve been on my own for so long, never having to depend on anyone, that now Caleb’s around, I’m feeling dependent on him.

Worrying about how he’s feeling, what he’s thinking.

These are completely alien thoughts to me and it’s not a feeling I like…

at all. I need to figure out how to be me but also to be a part of this relationship.

Sapphire calls out, just as I’m finishing up with the last of my makeup, “Lauren girl, you’re up.” I wave in acknowledgment and head toward the stage.

I chose a different song to work with tonight, so when the notes of I Don’t Need A Man by The Pussycat Dolls starts playing, I roll back my shoulders and put on a show.

Once my set’s finished, I wander around the bar area, helping the girls who are rushed off their feet.

I’ve felt eyes on me all night, and no, I don’t mean the regular customers, I’m talking weird, creepy eyes.

I definitely know it’s not Caleb, he messaged me a while ago saying he was at home grading papers, but I just can’t shake that unsettling feeling.

Glancing around I catch sight of a figure sitting in one of the booths.

He raises two fingers in the air at me, nodding, I swing my hips in a seductive manner and make my way over.

The lighting in the back of the booths is darker, giving the space an almost eerie feeling to it.

The music isn’t as loud either, meaning that you don’t have to raise your voice in order to be heard.

Stopping in front of the table I paste on my best smile and ask, “What can I get you?”

The stranger doesn’t reply at first, but I can feel their eyes on me—assessing me, judging me. Don’t ask me how I know this, I just do. The spine-chilling feeling I get from it sends a shiver through me.

“Whiskey, neat,” the voice says, one that sounds vaguely familiar.

“Do I know you?” I ask, squinting into the dark but I’m met with silence. “I’ll just grab that for you.” I quickly leave and walk to the bar, putting in the order and asking another one of the other waitresses to take the drink.

Fuck that am I going back.

The rest of my shift is uneventful, though I still feel those lingering eyes watching me everywhere I go. After I’ve changed and grabbed my stuff I head to the entrance where I know Steve will be.

“Hey, Steve. Any chance I can wait here until my Uber arrives?” I ask.

He instantly perks up, standing from his seat and coming over to me, concern clear on his face. “What’s going on?”

“I’m okay, honestly.” I smile, though it doesn’t reach my eyes. “You know how the customers get, one just creeped me out more than usual and I don’t want to be on my own.” I shrug, hoping that I’m giving an ‘I’m not bothered’ attitude when, in fact, I am bothered by it .

“Who?”

I should have known this was coming and suppress an eye roll. Steve’s incredibly protective of us and if there’s anyone who even so much as looks at us the wrong way, they're out on their asses. He crosses his arms over his chest waiting for me to tell him.

“I don’t know.” Steve gives me a look that says he doesn’t believe me. “Honestly, I have no clue. I didn’t see their face. They were in one of the back booths, ordered a whiskey, but I got one of the other girls to send it back to him. I just didn’t get a good vibe is all.”

Steve tilts his chin up, assessing to see if I’m telling him the truth—the whole truth. He must see something in my eyes because he nods his head and says, “Okay. How far out is it?”

“Should be here any minute.” I look out the doors and sure enough the Uber’s there. I go to leave but Steve stops me.

“I’m walking you out.”

I don’t have the energy to argue with him, my mind and body still tense from the stranger so I nod and let him lead me outside to the waiting car.

Once I’m settled inside, Steve leans his head in slightly. “Get home safe. Any problems, you have my number.”

“Thank you,” I say as exhaustion finally catches up with me and I lean my head back against the seat.

My thoughts drift back to the stranger at the club. Why did his voice sound so familiar? Where had I heard it before? My mind replays the interaction over and over, but by the time I pull up outside Caleb’s house I still can’t place it.

I’m going mad.

Walking up to Caleb’s front door, I knock.

We haven’t had the ‘key’ talk yet, he hasn’t offered one and I haven’t asked.

He’s always up whenever I get home though, sometimes he’ll have been in bed and my text to say I’m on my way back wakes him, other times he stays up grading papers, hanging with his friends, or just sits watching a movie.

After being at work, I feel slightly calmer, the anxiety, panic, and loss of control I was feeling earlier still there, but it's dulled to a whine in the back of my head instead of the roaring tornado it was earlier.

Caleb opens the door wearing his glasses— swoon —a black T-shirt and gray sweatpants.

I start drooling at the sight of him and that’s just my pussy.

The need and want for this man never seems to disappear, it’s like he’s my own brand of heroin—the more I have, the more I crave.

Even after being rushed off my feet all night, exhausted and tense, I still want this man with a passion. What has he done to me?

He runs his hand through his hair and leans on the door frame, crossing his arms over his chest, the veins in his forearms popping out.

I think I’ve just died and gone to heaven.

“Take a picture, it might last longer.” He smirks.

“I just might do that.” I wink as he moves to the side and lets me in.

I place my bag on the side and walk into the kitchen, grabbing a glass of water. Sipping it, I notice Caleb looking at me.

“Take a picture, it might last longer,” I snark.

“What’s wrong?”

How does he do that? Not wanting to get into it I play dumb.

“Nothing. Why?” I rinse the glass out in the sink and place it in the dishwasher, trying to keep myself busy in the hopes that he can’t see my lie.

“You’re tense. Did something happen?” he questions, brows furrowed.

I sigh. Guess we’re doing this then. “It was a long night and there was a guy that gave me the creeps.” Caleb is just about to interject but I hold my hand up to stop him.

“Before you say anything, nothing happened. He was just giving off major weirdo vibes. Steve walked me out at the end of my shift. I’m fine. ”

Caleb comes over to me, placing his hands on my face and running his thumbs over my cheeks. “I don’t like it, Lauren. Can you not find another job?”

“No, Caleb. I like my job, the money’s good, and it works around school. You know I’m not going to be doing this forever.”

“I can give you the money.”

I stare at him, mouth agape. No, he didn’t . “I’m going to pretend you never said that.” I pull back from his touch, needing space, anger coursing through me at the audacity of him. The feeling of not being in control coming back with a vengeance and my stubborn streak comes out to play.

“Why? What’s so wrong with me wanting to look after you? Lauren, you work so hard, both in school and out. I just want to help,” Caleb exclaims, throwing his arms up in the air in exasperation.

“Because I’m not a woman to be kept, Caleb.

I do things by myself. I don’t need your charity or handouts.

I’m not some damsel that needs saving,” I shout back.

I pinch the bridge of my nose, inhaling and exhaling.

I’m so done with this conversation. “If you can’t already see that, then you obviously don’t know me at all.

” I march past him, heading for the stairs. “I’m going for a shower.”

I quickly shower and change into my pjs, I’m so angry and wound up that I go into his spare bedroom, pulling back the covers and climbing in. I don’t want to be around him right now, so I bunch the covers up round my head and fall into a fitful sleep.