Page 5 of My Husband’s Wife

Four

A month has passed and we’ve settled in nicely.

I’ve filled the house with soft furnishings, completing the look with bright, abstract seascapes.

As I chop up some apple and spread it with peanut butter for Caiden, he comes running in like a tornado and begins eating.

Zach grabs his tool bag and kisses me. ‘See you later and don’t stress.

You’re going to be amazing today. Oh, and I can definitely pick Caiden up from school later so no need to rush away on your first day.

’ Zach leaves just as a message pops up in the parents’ WhatsApp group.

Nicole: A few of us are meeting for coffee on Saturday. It would be amazing if you could join us.

Caiden loves playing with Nicole’s ten-year-old son, Aaron, and I really like Nicole.

We chat every day when dropping our boys off at school.

She messages me witty parent memes most days, and they make me smile.

I never expected to make friends this fast and it feels brilliant. I reply with a yes and a smiley emoji.

I can’t even think about Saturday, right now. First, I need to get through today. I feel sick with nerves. Being a wedding planner is a job I love and today I start work at the Sea Horse Hotel.

‘Mum, we’re going to be late and Aaron will wonder where I am.’

While Caiden washes his hands in the kitchen sink, I check myself one last time in the full-length mirror next to the coat rack. I think the pink suit is perfect, along with the silk frilly blouse dotted with cherries. I ruffle my loose blonde curls a little.

‘Mum, you look really pretty and you’re really clever too.’ Caiden, my thoughtful little boy, is beaming at me in our reflection.

I crouch to his level and straighten his school tie. ‘Thank you.’ I kiss his forehead. ‘And you look smart too, son. Let’s go.’ We go to fist bump, move our fists and make a pretend explosion with them while wiggling our fingers. He laughs and all of a sudden, I don’t feel as nervous.

After catching up with school news from Nicole, I leave Caiden at school and drive to the Sea Horse Hotel – my new work home. It’s superbly designed and Instagram perfect. Swings, decorated trees, and a pond half covered with lily pads.

My new colleague, Hallie, walks me around the hotel showing me everything.

This is the first time we’ve met in person.

She’s showed me the spa, the treatment rooms, the ceremony room and the lavish reception – finally she takes me to my office, and I love it.

The high-ceilinged room overlooks the perfect gardens that stretch back into thick, lush woodland.

I have a sash window, a ceiling rose and built-in bookshelves.

‘Do I share this office with anyone?’ This can’t be all mine, surely.

‘No,’ she says with only the slightest West Country accent.

Her glossed lips reflect the light from the ornate chandelier above me.

‘We’re really happy you’re here. The last wedding planner left two months ago, so I’ve been bumbling through the job.

I don’t know how you deal with the stress of it all. ’

‘It’s challenging, but I do.’

‘I have heard those words a few times.’ She laughs and points a manicured finger at me.

I’m guessing that Hallie is around twenty-five.

‘Anyway, I work in admin but I will be available to assist you too, so if you need me at any point, just shout.’ She points to the white leather office chair.

‘Why don’t you check out your seat, see if it’s comfortable, and I’ll go through some of your upcoming appointments for this week, then we can go to the café and get some coffee. Does that sound like a plan?’

I already like Hallie. ‘That sounds perfect.’

‘Okay, so you have an online diary. The computer is already turned on, so if you wiggle the mouse you should be able to see your appointments. Have you managed to study our packages and the prices?’

‘Yes, I spent last week reading everything that was sent to me.’

Hallie smiles and plays with the end of her honey-streaked blonde ponytail while standing behind me. ‘Great, so click into tomorrow.’

I click. ‘Ben and Alice at tena.m. and Theo and Madison at twop.m.’

‘They are your first appointments.’ She excitedly claps her hands once.

‘They’re both interested in our bronze package.

I don’t think you’ll budge Ben and Alice, but I know that Madison wasn’t happy.

She wanted silver but her husband-to-be was trying to keep costs down.

We want them to both be happy, but ultimately if we can convert to a silver, that would be amazeballs. ’

So, I have my first challenge and I can’t wait.

Hallie leaves the room to attend to a customer’s billing query, and my phone rings. ‘Hi, Mum.’

‘Eva, how are things? I was getting worried because you didn’t call me back. We haven’t had a proper chat since you moved.’

I should have called Mum but I’ve been constantly sidetracked, and I know how she worries, even though I’m in my thirties. ‘I’m fine, Mum, but I can’t speak for long. I’m at work and it’s my first day. I can’t get caught talking on my phone.’

‘I should call back later.’

I stand and open my office door. Hallie is nowhere to be seen. ‘I’m okay for a couple of minutes but if I cut you off, it means someone is about to come in.’

‘Okay, I just wanted to know how you were all settling in.’

‘It’s amazing here and the house is beautiful. We’re really happy and Caiden loves his new school. You’ve seen the photos of the house, haven’t you?’

‘I have and I’m worried about you.’

‘Why, because of the house?’

‘No…yes. All of it. Rushing into your marriage, the house, the new job, the move. You were settled in Malvern; we had a routine and it was good for you and Caiden.’

My stomach clenches. Not this again. ‘I was existing in Malvern. I had to pass where Hugo died every single day. It was stifling me and don’t get me started on the people and how they stared. Caiden and I needed to get away from all that.’

‘You’re running away and we know what happens when you run away from things that upset you or stress you out.’

‘Mum, I’m not having this conversation again. I love Zach, I wanted to move here with him and I’m happy.’

The day before we left Malvern, Mum had gone on and on about us moving away with Zach and it pains me that she won’t accept him when he’s been nothing but perfect with me.

She hangs on the other end of the call in silence. ‘I’m scared.’

I puff out a breath. ‘Why?’ I don’t know why I’m indulging her. I’m not the same person I was all those years ago. Things have changed for the better.

‘I’m scared I’ll lose you again.’

‘You haven’t lost me. You can visit anytime.’

‘You know what I mean. Only this time, I won’t be close enough to be there when you need me.’

Is she crying? ‘Mum. Please stop this nonsense and let me live my life.’

Hallie walks back in and smiles. ‘Right, let’s get that coffee.’

I hang up on Mum and smile. That’s the story of my life. I smile to cover my worries. Ouch, without realising what I was doing, I’ve pulled another hair from the back of my head and it stings.

Keep smiling, I say to myself but the wider I smile the more my head is itching for me to pull another hair out. A smile can’t fix me or the dark feelings that have followed me from Malvern. The anxiety and guilt is eating me up from the inside, but I can never become ‘past me’ again.