Page 15 of My Husband’s Wife

Fourteen

I sit on the beach only half an hour later, coat done up as I stare at the sea.

All I can think about is how Theo drove off when we both know who he is.

He left me there, looking like a crazy woman, in front of all those passers-by.

The cliff behind me feels suffocating even though I’m not looking at it.

I know it’s there, in the same way that I know my past is in reach and it’s trying to take my mind.

My phone beeps so I pull it from my pocket.

Zach: I’ve finished for the day so I’m heading home. Should be back in half hour if you want to do something. Maybe we could have a pub lunch before Caiden gets home from school?? Xx

My head is so full it hurts. All I can think about is Madison telling me that she and Theo were moving to Loch Ness and then Theo staring at that photo of Caiden.

I don’t know what to do with all my suspicions.

Everything sounds impossible. And what happens next?

I can’t keep going to the salon to speak to Madison.

What if Theo told her that I kept calling him Hugo?

She might not want me near them if she thinks I’m a bit weird.

I touch my new fringe, knowing that when Theo saw me, it must have taken him back too.

‘It’s a bit cold to sit out here, today?’ Nicole smiles and sits next to me. Her green gardening wellies are caked in mud, and her wax jacket is done up to her chin.

‘I was just taking it all in.’ I smile, not wanting her to ask me how I am. The last thing I want to do is go on an unhinged rant about what I’m thinking. I’d like to keep her as a friend. ‘I still can’t believe I live here.’

‘It’s charming, even in bad weather. I was heading to the café to warm up a bit before picking Aaron up early for his dental appointment. I think he’s going to need braces which he’s not looking forward to. Do you want to join me?’

‘On any other day I’d love to, but Zach is finishing early and he’s promised me a pub lunch.’

‘Lucky you. That sounds much better than a coffee. He’s a good one, not like Aaron’s dad. You can tell.’

I shuffle on the damp sand to face her. ‘Are you okay?’

She shrugs. ‘He was meant to be having Aaron this weekend but he’s let me down, again. You’re so lucky having Zach.’

Nicole knows nothing of my past and I don’t know if it’s too soon to open up to her, but I’m going to give it a go.

‘I am beyond lucky to have Zach. He treats Caiden like his own.’ I pause, wondering how much to say.

‘Caiden’s father died five years ago. I didn’t know if I’d ever find someone I could love as much, but I did.

Zach came into my life and I’ve never looked back.

’ I sound sugary sweet and almost make myself feel nauseous.

‘Do you still miss Caiden’s father?’

‘I err, it’s odd. I sometimes think I see him still, and I dream about him which feels surreal.

We went through so much together and for ages, I thought no one else could ever love me like he did.

’ I frown. For so long I’ve kidded myself that the love Hugo and I had for each other was once in a lifetime, but I know I tested every element of our relationship and I’m scared I’ll do the same with Zach, especially if I tell him what’s been on my mind lately.

With Hugo, the overwhelming emotions and confusion I suffered from the moment I found out I was pregnant with Caiden tested us both.

‘What was he like, as a father I mean?’

‘He loved Caiden to bits. They were like two peas in a pod.’ I want to tell her what I’m thinking, that Hugo did everything for our little boy when I was poorly.

How he took time off work to care for us both; and he cared for me when I was in hospital.

My heart pounds just thinking about it. I can’t imagine Hugo lying to me in the way I think he’s lying to me now.

‘He sounds like he was a catch.’

I smile and nod. No one’s perfect but he was close. Everything we argued about was my fault. I was the imperfect piece of the puzzle.

‘I often think about Aaron’s dad. We were stupid getting married. I knew it was doomed from the start.’

‘How?’ I don’t know what went wrong in her marriage but I still can’t get rid of that niggle my mum has planted about Zach. I rushed into our marriage and if Hugo is still alive, where does my marriage stand? It would break my heart to hurt Zach.

She shrugs. ‘We all have a past and he couldn’t accept mine.’ She pauses and wipes a tear from her face. ‘It hurts that he’s turned his back on Aaron because he adores his dad. I’ve tried to make it work but he keeps letting us down. I think I’m about to give up.’

I can tell she’s upset and there’s nothing I can say that will help.

Aaron is a lovely little boy and it angers me that his father isn’t giving him the love he deserves.

I reach over and place an arm over Nicole’s shoulders, and she leans her head on mine.

Our friendship feels as though it’s at that stage.

My friend needs a bit of a hug and I’m here for her.

She continues speaking and lifts up her head. ‘I love my boy so much and I can’t bear to see him being upset anymore. I give up with Will. It’s just me, Aaron and his nanna now.’

‘Does your mum live far away?’

‘Bristol. She comes to collect Aaron some weekends so they can go to the cinema or out for food. I wish she lived closer but she has a life there.’

‘Same, I miss my mum too. When Caiden’s dad passed away, she stepped in and helped me with everything.’ I think of Mum. When I do see her next, I’m going to give her a huge hug.

Nicole takes a deep breath and dabs her eyes with her sleeve.

‘I haven’t seen Zach out lately. I thought he might have brought you for a night out at The Ship’s Anchor.

When he was here alone, he was down there with his friends all the time.

He fitted in like a dream. He was even on the pool team but no one has seen him there for a while.

You’d love it there.’ She pauses. ‘That’s where we met. ’

Zach has never mentioned any of his new friends or going to a pub.

I wouldn’t have had a problem with him going out, so why would he keep that from me?

We spoke most nights and sometimes it was late, so he could have gone out with his pool buddies first. He’d always say he’d been working on the house and that he’d finished the night off with a couple of beers at home.

‘I had no idea he even knew anyone from around here.’

‘That’s strange, he has a fair few friends who he liked to drink and chat with. I got talking to him just after Christmas after he’d had a few too many. He told me about his brother dying, which was sad, and that he missed you.’

Alarm bells are going off for me. Zach barely speaks about what happened to his brother.

He only spoke to me about him because we met at a local grief support group.

We bonded over our losses and cried together.

All I can think of him doing now is being a bit tipsy and talking openly to Nicole in a pub while I was hundreds of miles away.

What is more perplexing is how he and Nicole made out they barely knew each other when he came home and saw her in our house.

All he mentioned was her rummaging through his desk.

I realise now, I don’t know Nicole at all because why is she only mentioning this now?

We’ve spoken a handful of times and become quite close because of our boys.

Or maybe I don’t know Zach as well as I thought I did.

Nicole isn’t exactly holding back; she’s speaking openly to me.

Zach, however, has hidden a part of his life here from me, which seems odd.

My mum’s words ring through my head again.

Why rush things? Shouldn’t you get to know Zach better before running up the aisle? I worry about you…

‘Sorry, maybe I shouldn’t have mentioned his brother. I didn’t mean to upset you.’

I wave a dismissive hand and force a smile. ‘It’s okay. I’m not upset, just surprised because he doesn’t like to talk about what happened to him.’

Nicole blows out a couple of breaths. ‘And I’m sorry for going on about my problems with Will.’

‘Don’t be. Anytime. I hope he wakes up and realises how lucky he is to have such a wonderful son.’

‘Me too,’ she replies.

My phone beeps.

Zach: I’ll be home in five. Xx

‘I best get back. Zach’s nearly home. Anytime you need to chat, I’m here.’

‘We keep calm and carry on for our kids, don’t we?’ She looks up at me as I stand. ‘It’s all okay though, isn’t it? Caiden will always have you, and Aaron will always have me. No matter what, we are always there for them, for our children. He’s my world and I know Caiden is yours.’

‘Yes, he certainly is.’

She frowns and goes to speak, but stops before taking a moment. ‘I’m so glad you moved here, Eva. Enjoy your meal and we need to do something fun together soon, maybe a spa day.’

‘I’d love that.’

‘Oh, your fringe is lovely by the way.’ She stands and hurries towards the café.

I’ll probably see her at the school gates later, but in the meantime, I really need to talk to Zach.

He has this whole life here. He’s made friends but he hasn’t mentioned any of them to me.

He confided in Nicole which is out of character and I can’t work out why he would.

Caiden is my everything, Nicole was right about that. I hurry back to where I parked my car outside a gift shop and I drive home.

On pulling up, my eyes widen as I see the red Fiesta parked in front of Zach’s van, then his text comes through.

Zach: Cancel lunch. Your mum was waiting outside in her car when I pulled up.