Page 10 of My Husband’s Wife

Nine

Caiden skips beside me as we head to the café in Combe Martin. I love that my son is happy here even though I’m living in some kind of weird hell. Did I see Hugo the other day? That is a question I’ve continuously asked myself since the meeting.

Zach has been pushing me to tell him what is wrong, and all I’ve said is work stress.

I mean, I’ve only been working at the Sea Horse Hotel for a few days and I already look like I’m having a breakdown.

Zach doesn’t know the real reason, the one where I think one of my new clients is my dead husband.

If the last time I mentioned Hugo is anything to go by, I know it’s best not to say too much again.

How could I even begin to broach the subject?

I’ll sound crazy and crazy isn’t a label I want to wear ever again.

The last time that happened, I thought I’d lose everything I cared about.

I swallow. After what I did, I deserve to lose everything but I’m lucky I didn’t.

I grip Caiden’s hand, knowing how truly blessed I am.

We pass the convenience shop and Caiden points at some toys in the window. ‘We’ll have a look later.’

I think back to Zach. This awkwardness that has crept between us over the past week didn’t exist before. I can’t help thinking that Mum might be right. Maybe I shouldn’t have made this move but it’s too late now. I’ve ploughed every resource we have into being here.

‘Mum, can I have a cookie at the café?’ Caiden is reluctantly still holding my hand.

He thinks he’s too old for public handholding with his mum, but he’ll always be my baby.

I keep a protective hold of him as we reach a slight bend.

A car whizzes by. There’s hardly any pavement and some people really do drive like they have a death wish.

A ray of sunshine burns my flustered face. ‘Of course you can,’ I say as I finally loosen my grip of him.

‘Good.’ Caiden lets go of my hand. Aaron pulls a face at him through the café window and they both giggle. The last thing I want to do is embarrass Caiden in front of his friend, so I put a bit more distance between us.

I push the door open to the cosy café and I spot Nicole holding a huge cup of something hot, probably an aromatic tea.

She waves me over. I follow Caiden through the maze of tables, trying not to bump into the friends who have come out for a chat and the families who eagerly tuck into their brunches.

A part of me wonders if I should mention what Zach said about catching her rummaging through his desk drawers but I decide not to. I believe she was looking for scissors.

Nicole stands and points to her bag which is on the other side of the couch she’s sitting on. ‘Saved you a seat.’ She pops it on the floor to make room for me.

‘Where are the others?’

She raises her brows. ‘Sonia’s grandmother’s carer was running late but she’s there now, so Sonia’s on her way. Christie is about five minutes away. Her dog was sick just as she was about to leave. The joy of pets and kids. Do you want a drink? My shout.’

I feel that given the week I’ve had, I need a good shot of caffeine but I also need something sweet.

‘I’d love a mocha, please, and a hot chocolate with marshmallows for Caiden.

’ I never need to ask Caiden what he wants because he always wants hot chocolate when we come out.

Besides, he’s already pulling toy cars out of Aaron’s bag and they’re snickering and talking.

He’s forgotten about the cookie for now.

The server asks us what we want to drink as she passes, heading back to the counter to relay the orders to the flustered barista.

‘I have an apology to make.’ Nicole takes a deep breath.

I scrunch my brows, wondering what she could be about to say.

She waves a dismissive hand, sips her drink and lets out a small laugh.

The oversized cardigan she’s wearing falls forward as she hunches over slightly.

I wish I could pull off this woolly, almost hippish style she has.

It’s almost like she was born of the sea despite not growing up around here.

‘I saw the look on your husband’s face when he caught sight of me in your house, and know you wondered what the hell was going on.

I didn’t want you to get the wrong idea and I think I should have called?—’

I need to put her out of her misery to end her nervous waffling. ‘It’s okay. After you left, Zach told me about your misunderstanding.’

‘Good, good. Only I’d be mortified if he thought I was trying to steal anything.

I saw a desk, needed some scissors and thought he must have some in one of the drawers.

I could have waited until he got back, but I was running out of time and had to pick Aaron up from school.

I didn’t want to miss the bell because I’ve been late a few times and the staff get annoyed.

’ She twists her hair up into a clip, leaving a few strands loose.

I smile to put her at ease. ‘It’s okay. That’s exactly what Zach said.

It’s fine.’ I really like her and I don’t want her to feel awkward with me and I think Zach is wrong.

I wish she’d told me she’d worked on our garden though.

It seems strange that she didn’t when we were speaking at the school gates, but then again, we always seemed to be rushing to get to work or home.

‘Let’s forget all that. It was nothing; you don’t have to apologise and everything is great.’

That’s not true. I’ve only known Nicole a short while so I can’t talk to her about Hugo – Theo – whatever the man’s name is.

Zach and his silly little issue with Nicole pale into insignificance with all that.

I miss Mum, but I can’t talk to her about it.

She’d arrive at our door by the end of the day, thinking I can’t cope.

I can cope. I am calmness personified. I rearrange the back of my hair to cover up a sore bit.

Why do I try to lie to myself? Seeing Hugo has hit me hard.

It is him; I know it is, but I don’t know what to do with this newfound information.

If it is him, how could he pretend he didn’t know me?

We were soulmates. He held me when I pushed our boy into the world.

He was there throughout my breakdown and gave me nothing but support and love.

It didn’t feel like that at the time, but hindsight gave me a better perspective.

My heart broke when I was told of his death.

Even now, I still have nightmares thinking there was something I could have done to prevent his suicide.

I am so bloody confused; I don’t know what to think.

Did I push him to it with the way I was?

No, I can’t go there. It’s too dangerous.

‘Eva, are you crying?’

I wipe the tear away. ‘No, I was cleaning earlier and I don’t think I washed the bleach off my hands properly. I just rubbed my eye.’ Gosh, I’m amazed at how easy the lies come when I don’t want to discuss something.

She passes me a wet wipe from her bag. ‘They’ve only got water in them.’

I take the wipe and go through the motions, then I realise I’ve probably rubbed mascara under my eyes. Nicole points under my left eye, so I continue to clean the area but I’m obviously missing the spot because she takes the wipe off me and begins to tenderly clean around my eye.

‘There.’ She smiles at me then waves as Sonia enters.

Although I’ve met Sonia, we haven’t really spoken much. I wave as she approaches. She hails the server for a mint tea and removes her coat before sitting opposite me.

‘No Amelia today?’ Nicole asks.

‘She’s on a playdate. I’d say I’m having a break but I have to get back for Nan in an hour when the carer leaves.’

Christie hurries through the door, looking flustered.

She sits next to Sonia and waves at the server.

‘The usual, please.’ Her daughter, Iris, hurries over to the boys and joins in with their car play.

‘Sorry I’m late. Damn dog ate a bag of Skittles that we’d left out last night.

It was not a pretty sight. How’s everyone? ’

I take a photo of us to put on my Instagram, so Mum can see how well everything is going. No one seems to mind me doing that.

Half an hour passes quickly, and Sonia begins to check her watch. ‘I’m going to have to get back for Nan.’

I feel in my pocket and my hand happens on the business card that Madison gave me. After Sonia hugs us all in turn, I sit back down and watch her hurry across the road.

‘She works so hard looking after her nan. I just want to scoop her up and take her for a big night out,’ Christie says. ‘She needs to get it on with someone. Maybe I could fix her up.’ She laughs. ‘I’m sure she’d feel much better after a good night of?—’

Nicole laughs loudly to cover up what Christie might be about to say. ‘Okay, don’t need the details.’ Nicole finishes her tea. ‘So, how’s everything going with you-know-who?’

I guess Nicole is referring to the man Christie is having an affair with.

‘A lady never tells.’

‘A lady normally tells,’ Nicole replies. ‘I’m loving living vicariously through your love life. Maybe it’s the absence of not much happening in mine at the moment.’

Christie glances my way. She doesn’t know me well enough to let me into her confidence circle.

I get that so I smile and wave a dismissive hand.

‘I think Christie is entitled to her secrets,’ I say.

I’m not on board with her affair but it’s her business and I don’t know her well enough to judge.

She might be in a really unhappy marriage. Whatever – it’s not my business.

‘You’re right, Eva. You’re a better person than I am.’ Nicole winks at Christie.

‘Of course she is, hon.’ Christie laughs.

Christie is the louder one out of all of us.

Even her clothes are louder. She wears red jeans and a sparkly black jumper, and how she walks in those heels, I have no idea.

Maybe I should ask them about Madison AveNew.

One of them might have been there for a treatment or haircut.

I show them the card. ‘Have either of you ever been here? I need to find a good hairdresser.’

Nicole grabs her glasses from her bag and takes the card from me. After reading it, she passes it to Christie. ‘I’ve never been there. I use a mobile hairdresser.’

Christie sips her drink. ‘Madison did my nails until New Year. I can’t say I knew her well but she did a great job.

She was heavily pregnant if I recall and she couldn’t bear the smell of the nail varnish.

Poor woman looked green throughout the duration.

I haven’t been there since then. My sister has started doing nails so she does mine now.

Maybe I can give you my sister’s card. I know she could do with the business. ’

‘Okay, thanks,’ I say. How do I bring Madison and Theo up in another way without sounding weird?

‘Madison and her husband-to-be came to the hotel I work at to talk about their wedding.’ I shouldn’t really be discussing their personal business but I can’t help myself.

I need to know more about them. ‘He seems like a nice guy.’

‘Oh him. He did come by to bring her lunch when I was there, but he never said much. She talked about him a lot, as you do when you’re trying to pass the time.

She mentioned their wedding plans. She said they’d been to a wedding fair and there was a silly amount of wedding magazines on the table in the waiting area. ’

‘That’s so sweet. They’re such a lovely couple and their baby is gorgeous. When they came to see me, the little one was starting to cry so he left the meeting. Madison and I saw him gently singing to the baby.’

Christie let out a long breath and grimaced.

‘That was a look and a half,’ Nicole said, a slight nervous quiver to her voice, before smiling. ‘Why so serious?’ she asked in a comedy voice. ‘Do you think there’s more? If so, spill.’

Christie playfully tilted her head to one side before continuing. ‘Something felt off about them. I tell you what, open her Facebook page. It’s her Madison does Madison AveNew – Beauty Specialists, page.’

I type in those words and wait for her page to load.

The salon looks amazing, all candy colours like a fifties American diner.

If my only interest in them was having beauty treatments, I’d be booking in a shot.

There is photo after photo of nails and hair, before and afters, and I realise how amazing Madison is.

Then I swallow. If her husband is Hugo, then Hugo is about to commit bigamy, and where does that leave me?

Will I be in trouble? I take a couple of breaths.

No, I have his death certificate. Then another voice fills my mind.

They will think you’re in on it. An insurance scam.

The police will come for you and you’ll lose Caiden and your house and Zach, then Hugo will tell everyone your awful secret.

Everyone will hate you then. You’ll lose everything.

All I want to do is hit my head to knock that taunting voice out of me but instead, I reach for the back of my head and tug at a hair. Stay in control, Eva, I tell myself.

‘Scroll back to December. I was there the day they were arguing about her posting a photo,’ Christie says.

I ignore my thrumming heart and do what she says. That’s when I see Theo reflected in a mirror. The photo is focussed on a woman’s wedding hair, but he dominates the top right-hand corner. Him, with his wrong-coloured eyes wearing the glasses he doesn’t need.

‘What’s off about this?’ I tell myself to play it cool. If I come out with my hairbrained thoughts, I’ll be committed before the day is out. When a person has a history like mine, they’re automatically always under suspicion of a relapse so speaking up without evidence wouldn’t end well.

Christie continues, ‘The way he spoke to her when he saw that photo got me thinking all sorts. I was having my nails done when he came in and pulled her aside. He was angry that she’d posted it because he was in it.

She just kept saying, “No one’s looking at you, it’s about the hair.

” Anyway, she shrugged it off and refused to take it down, finishing their conversation by going on at him to get help.

He stormed out of the salon, slamming the door so hard the windows shook in their frames and everyone stared.

She smiled and all she said was “men” followed by a shrug.

She didn’t seem too worried but I thought it was off.

There’s something not right with him but I can’t think what. ’

I can. I know exactly what was wrong. Pictures of him online would have blown his secret life apart. Now I need to work out what I’m going to do next.