Page 18 of My Husband’s Wife

Seventeen

As I head back down, I listen to the boys’ giggles echoing throughout the kitchen as Mum pretends to be a bear in her silly slippers, like she used to do all the time with Caiden when we lived in Malvern.

I wish things were simple, like they were back then.

Yes, I was grieving heavily, but the routine did us good.

With all that’s going on, it warms my heart to hear Caiden having fun.

I burst through the door and roar, making them scream even louder, and Freddie jumps around barking.

‘That’s enough now, boys,’ Mum says as she pants with exhaustion. ‘It’s time to brush those teeth and go to bed because you’ve got school in the morning. I’ll be up in five to check your teeth, see if you’ve done enough to keep the cavity monster away.’

They dart past me up the stairs, eager to have a sleepover. ‘Sounds like you were having fun.’

She lets out a laugh and sips her tea. ‘I’ve missed this. Did you get hold of Zach?’

I shake my head. ‘I think he must have got his head down for the night. He’ll probably message later.

’ It saddens me to think he’s all the way over there, thinking about what happened to his brother while alone.

Mum goes to make me one of her chamomile teas, so I sit on a stool at the island, thinking back to when Zach and I met.

I’d been attending the same grief counselling support group for over two years in that old community centre and still I wasn’t able to make sense of Hugo’s death.

I couldn’t believe he’d take his own life when he had so much to live for.

I even wondered if I’d given him the idea when I threatened to jump during my breakdown.

There were no clues. Not once had I suspected he was depressed.

Then this new man walked in wearing work boots and a paint-splattered coat.

He stood beside me to pour some water out of the urn to make himself a coffee.

When he said hi, I felt something I hadn’t felt in a long time, that telltale tingle of desire.

At first I thought that the chemistry we shared might be a fun way to help us both.

The last thing I expected was to end up in a serious relationship.

When I approached him with the biscuits, I hoped he wasn’t a new widower and as soon as he mentioned losing his brother, I sat back and listened.

I felt his pain and I shared mine with him.

Within a month, neither of us was attending the group anymore.

We’d meet up and talk about our loss, but that soon became less frequent and was replaced by bowling nights and going out for cosy meals.

Caiden met Zach soon after. They’d wrestle and play games.

Zach declared that his all-time favourite film was Despicable Me and he won Caiden over.

My son loves Zach and Zach loves him. I couldn’t bear it if Zach had done something to compromise what we have.

‘Eva, tell me about Hugo. It’s okay to speak about him.

He’s such a huge part of your past and I know you loved him a lot,’ Zach had said on one of our first dates.

That’s what I instantly loved about Zach; he allowed me to talk until I was all talked out.

I told him about how Hugo grew up in the Cotswolds with his parents, and how they weren’t close as a family.

They sent Hugo to boarding school. They fulfilled their parental duties by turning up to our tiny wedding but that was it.

A part of me always wondered if they thought I wasn’t good enough for him.

They’d invested so much in Hugo, I think they hoped he’d marry a scientist or a lawyer, not a wedding planner that hadn’t even finished her degree.

‘Here’s your tea, sweetheart.’ Mum brings me back to the present with a cup of tea. The mug has a picture of me, Mum and Caiden on it.

I take a sip, almost burning my lips. Mum always forgets to add a bit of cold water to drinks that don’t have milk in them. ‘Weren’t Hugo’s parents strange?’ I ask.

She nods. ‘We said that at the time. They were so…mechanical.’

I frown. ‘Mechanical?’

She shrugs. ‘Just going through the motions like rusty robots; then again, I only have your wedding day to judge them on. His mother didn’t even crack a smile.

Me, I was all smiles and happy tears. I always felt sorry for Hugo growing up without any love or warmth.

They didn’t take up my invite to come over for dinner, and didn’t want to do anything with us and Caiden when he was little.

I mean, what kind of family doesn’t even make sure they visit their grandchildren over Christmas when they live that close?

Sending Caiden his presents in the post was awful. ’

‘Hugo said they were like that all the time.’ I pause, not knowing how much to say.

Hugo told me things in confidence and even now I feel like I’d be betraying that by speaking.

His parents were emotionally neglectful but it was something Hugo never dwelt on.

‘Do you know, they never told him once that they loved him?’

‘I can believe that.’

‘At his funeral, my heart was breaking when they came for the ceremony then left as soon as it was finished, their faces like stone.’ I remember them not even coming to the wake at the hotel next door. ‘Do you think that’s why he’s able to be this cold now and lie about who he is?’

Mum stares at me as if I’ve just said Elvis is in the room, then I remember, I basically have. Hugo is not dead, though, and I need to find a way to make Mum see that too. I need a photo of him or a recording of him speaking. Mum clears her throat and slams her cup on the worktop.

‘He’s dead. Please stop this, Eva.’

I now know I can’t talk to her about this anymore, not without proof.

‘Did Zach ask you to come today?’

She shakes her head and goes to reply, but she’s cut off by my ringing phone. I answer straight away, hoping that it’s Zach but it’s a man whose voice I don’t recognise.

‘Hello, you left a note through my door. I was going to say, don’t worry about the fence, Theo came to fix it for me. He explained what happened and it’s an old thing anyway.’

‘Thank you for letting me know and that was so lovely of Theo. Did he say anything else?’

‘Like what?’

‘I don’t know. About me?’

‘He just said you were new around here. These roads are a bit windy. Well, thank you for leaving the note but we’re good.’

I breathe a sigh of relief as he ends the call.

I could do without any further expense – then I think of Hugo, going back and fixing my mistake, just like he always did in the past. My heart begins to bang in my chest as I think of my big mistake, my big secret.

If I get too close to the truth, will Hugo use it against me?

My cheeks burn. Caiden can never know. I’d rather die than for him to know what I did.

‘I think I got the gist of that phone call,’ Mum says, not noticing how flustered I feel. ‘I’m going up to have an early night. And no, Zach didn’t ask me to come. I came because I want to be here for you. We can talk more tomorrow. Are you okay now?’

I nod, not wanting her to focus too closely on me.

‘Yes, Hugo’s dead. I’m just stressed and I’m sorry.

’ Mum doesn’t believe me, I can tell. Until I have evidence, I’ll pretend everything is okay, and I won’t mention Hugo or Theo again.

I’ll be a good mum and just go to work, and cook food.

Everything has to seem normal. ‘Mum, would you be able to look after Caiden sometimes in the evenings while you’re here?

I have weddings coming up and I have to be there, and sometimes my clients can only come after office hours. Zach normally looks after him.’

‘Of course. You do what you need to do. Caiden and I are going to have lots of fun.’

‘Thanks, Mum.’

‘Right, that bed is calling me.’

I hug Mum before she heads upstairs. Freddie comes running down. He must have been up there with the boys. I’ll go and check on them in a short while. Opening up my calendar on my phone, I glance at my upcoming appointments.

Theo and Madison are getting married in just over a week, on the Saturday.

I have to get my evidence before then otherwise they’ll be gone for ever.

If I’m right about Theo being Hugo, I don’t know what it will do to my relationship; still, I have to know the truth.

Mum has to believe that I’m not losing my mind, and I want answers from Hugo.

I try to call Zach again but like before, he doesn’t answer. I’m worried about him now so I send him a WhatsApp message, which he replies to instantly.

Zach: I’m okay, just tired. I didn’t know it was you calling. Your number is coming up as withheld. I’m really tired and I have to be up at 5 this morning so I’m in bed. I’ll say goodnight now. Love you. Xxx

When I was in Malvern and he was here, we spoke every night. This is the first time we’ve ended the night on a message when we haven’t been together in the same house. I miss his voice and I miss him saying, I love you.

Eva: I don’t know how that happened. Best sort my phone out. Love you too. Xxx

I hit send. A part of me wants to say that I saw the paperwork in the office but it’s not right to do that by message when Zach’s upset about his brother. I feel as though we’re coming apart a little. I know I forgot the upcoming anniversary of his brother’s death so I’ll need to make it up to him.

I do, however, know why I didn’t tell Zach about Theo: I don’t want to be wrong.

My past will make me look like I’m losing it again and I don’t know what will happen to me.

Maybe I’m not sure I trust myself. A small part of me wonders if Mum is right.

As for Zach, why would he not tell me about his brother being murdered?

A lump forms in my throat as I think of Zach watching while Justin was being stabbed to death.

Maybe we’ve both held things back. Zach doesn’t know how bad my breakdowns were.

Have we based our whole relationship on not being honest with each other and, if so, where does that leave us?

I make sure my number can be seen now and send a quick message to Nicole, to see if she’s okay, but she doesn’t reply. I had hoped she’d call Aaron to say goodnight but maybe she’s midway through an argument with her ex.

Freddie scratches and whines at the front door. That’s his way of telling me that there is someone out there. Heart pounding, I follow him. Mum comes out of Caiden’s bedroom and shouts down the stairs. ‘Is everything all right?’

‘I think so. It’s probably just a fox. I’m going to lock up and come to bed.’

I hurry to the front door and peer through the spyhole.

I can’t see anyone around. I remove the chain and open the door slightly, letting Freddie run outside.

A breeze fills the hallway and I shiver as I gaze into the darkness.

Rain patters down. My attention darts to the rustling coming from the wall of bushes that divide our land from the footpath and coastal road, and I’m sure I hear footsteps behind it.

I look down and see the slight outline of a muddy footprint trail.

Freddie barks frantically at the shrubs.

I call him back, as I don’t want him to run through any of the gaps onto the road and I’m scared the intruder might hurt him.

The footprints are already starting to blend into the damp driveway as the rain gets heavier.

The sound of an engine roaring tells me that I didn’t imagine any of that.

I run in my slippers towards the road and all I see are taillights turning a corner.

Someone was here.

Someone was lurking around on my drive, in the dark.

Someone was watching us.