Page 77 of Mr. Naughty List

“Yes, but they aren’t her son. It may be hard to understand, but my mother can actually be pretty accepting of LGBT people, supportive even, so long as the person in question isn’t me.”

“That’s bullshit.”

“I know. But she’s gone to gay weddings and sent flowers to sick partners. It’s just me that she holds to this standard.”

“The straight standard?”

“The ‘everything you do must fit this mold I had in mind for you when you were born’ standard. But there’s always some part of me that doesn’t fit, like my choices with Coach McAllister, and now you. She’s always trying to shove those parts of me back in the mold, and another part pops out the other side. It’s an endless struggle. I think…I genuinely think we’d have a better relationship if I saw less of her, if I worked in another school, or, hell, another city. Another country even.”

RJ touched Aaron’s cheek, missing the dimples that played there when he smiled. “What’s the first step in doing that?”

Aaron huffed. “Accepting that I need to do it. Then putting out feelers for open positions. Checking listings. I’ve been curious about overseas opportunities. I hear winter is really cold in Finland, though.” The dimples appeared and RJ’s heart clenched.

“Would you really want to go so far? Leave your apartment?”

“I could rent it out while I’m gone. I’ve never been anywhere. It could be a fresh start for me. No more pretending or playing myself down. Just being fully Aaron. Like I was Saturday night at Scruffy Town Hall. Like I am when I’m with you.”

“What about Constance?”

Aaron’s eyes softened. “She could come with me. I have a cat carrier for things like that. I just want to be free.”

“Speaking of free.” RJ reached into his jeans pocket and pulled out the already-worn-at-the-creases piece of paper with his results from his doctor visit earlier in the month. He’d looked at it far too often since he’d printed it out, imagining what it meant for the ways they could play now. “Proof. STD-free.” He passed it to Aaron. who flicked his gaze over the results, the corner of his lips lifting slightly.

“Wow.” He met RJ’s eyes. “So, we could? Without a condom?”

“Yeah.”

“I’ve never…” Aaron bit into his lower lip. “I’ve never actually played that way before.”

“Me either.”

“Really?”

RJ shook his head.

“Why?”

“Never had anyone I trusted enough.”

Love is trust,he remembered his mother saying. Maybe he’d never loved Pan at all then, since he’d never trusted him as far as he could throw him. Maybe what they’d had was something else similar to love—infatuation, or maybe a word in another language. English was limited in its words for feelings around romance, affection, and sex.

“I’d be your first?” Aaron whispered.

“Yes.”And maybe my last.

RJ tried to harden the melting softness that Aaron brought out in him, wishing that he could imagine ever wanting anyone but this man again. But he couldn’t. No doubt time would make a fool of him. But would it be so bad if he just let it?

“Winter break starts officially tomorrow,” Aaron said hesitantly, looking up at RJ with a strange expression. “Even if I hadn’t left early today, I don’t need to go in.”

“Is this your way of giving me permission to ditch my family to stay here with you?”

“No,” Aaron said, laughing a little, a hint of light returning to his eyes. “I guess I’m just saying that I’ll be bored out of my mind looking for new teaching positions all day for the next few weeks, and stressed thinking about the implications of that fight with my mother. And, at night, if you can get away, I’d enjoy having something else to do with my time.”

“Like me.”

“You.”

“It’ll be my pleasure to entertain you.” RJ took the slip of paper with the results from Aaron’s hand and put it on the coffee table. “Do you want to play a little now? Take your mind off everything?”