Page 106 of Mr. Naughty List
She gritted her teeth, her thin jaw clenching, and sat in the lounge chair across from the sofa. “All I ever asked was that you not embarrass me, Aaron. And—”
“And I’m in love. I love him.”
She threw her hands up.
Aaron bulldozed on. “It’s too soon, but we’re going to try to make it last. We’re acting like it’s going to grow into something, because otherwise is never will. We’rebelievingit.”
She pursed her lips. “Listen to yourself. What is this madness?”
“It’s not mad for me to be gay, Mom.”
Her jaw clenched. “I don’t see why you need to flaunt it. Why date someone so much younger? A former student! People will talk. People already talk about you, Aaron.”
“I don’t care. Let them.” Aaron put out his chin. “I ran from being talked about for so long. And recently it’s occurred to me that I actually have very little to lose. I never got to explore what I really wanted from my life. Hell, I don’t even know who Iam, Mom.”
“Evidently.” She pressed her lips together again.
“I know one thing. I like who I am with RJ. And he never makes me feel like I’m less than perfect. Less than I should be.”
“No one is perfect. Not you. Not even me.” She lifted her chin like she was disabusing him of a long-held notion.
“Exactly. So I might as well give them something real to talk about.”
“You already have one ethics code violation—”
“That was bullshit and you know it,” he snapped. “Why did I get the stick for that while McAllister is still coaching like it never happened? I bet he still goes on Grindr trolling for hookups. If anything, he might be a little smarter about it, but you know he didn’t turn into a saint who honors his marriage vows overnight.” Aaron put up his hand when his mother started to speak. “Like I already told you, I didn’t know he was married.”
“Regardless, you have the mark against you. You could lose your job, Aaron. For what? For a late-twenties crisis? We all have them. Forlove?” She said the word like it was grotesque. “Please. What happens between you and these men isn’t love. It’s lust. Nothing more. Nothing lasting.”
Aaron took another slow breath, trying to keep from crying or screaming or both. “It doesn’t matter what you think is between me and RJ. All that matters is what I believe is between us.” His throat ached. “I know now that you aren’t ever going to be okay with me being gay. That ‘don’t embarrass me’ was code for ‘put my needs above your own,’ and I’m done doing that. I’m your son, and I’d like to think you’ll love me no matter what, but I guess you won’t.”
His mother glared at him. “You sound like your father. He was the same.”
Aaron took a shaky breath. “The same? How?”
“He wanted me to love him even though he didn’t deserve it.”
Aaron lurched to his feet, checked his pockets for his keys and phone, and started toward the door. His chest ached, his mouth was dry, and he thought he might throw up.
But he didn’t stop walking until his hand was on the doorknob.
“This again? Leaving as soon as I say something you don’t like?” She followed at his heels.
“You’ve said things I don’t like my whole life. And I still love you. But I deserve to be loved too, Mom. Because I’m a good man and a human being. Ideserveit. Do you understand? And so did dad. He deserved love too.”
She pressed her fingers between her eyebrows and shook her head. “Look what you’ve done. Christmas is ruined. All you had to do was say you were sorry. Is that so hard?”
Aaron released a bitter laugh. “All you had to do was love me! And I could ask the same.”
She dashed her fingers through her hair. “Yes, Aaron! It’s hard! You’re making it very hard to love you!”
“How?”
“You’re too old for this teenage rebellion,” she said, taking a different tack instead of answering his question. She let out a long sigh. “I love you. Don’t be silly. Come back and sit down. Don’t spoil our lunch.”
Aaron whispered, “You just said I made it hard to love me. I heard you.”
“I was angry. Iamangry.” Her smile was brittle, and she reached out for him. “But it’s Christmas. Let’s have our meal and talk about this later when we’ve calmed down. I need to get back in the kitchen. The corn might boil over.”