Page 51 of Merciless Queen (Moretti Mafia #1)

Harlow

Today was a bad day. I knew every day would be a different battle, but I woke up with a familiar tightness in my chest and a cloud of dread.

Maybe things were happening too quickly, or maybe it was the fear that Vincenzo would find me, but I already knew I needed to focus on myself today.

I’d come a long way from where I used to be, and I knew what I needed to do to help the mental chains.

Healing took time, but today felt like I stumbled back.

I grabbed my paint easel, a canvas, a bag of brushes and assorted paints, and finally the book I started a few nights ago.

My boys would be my safety blanket until Caterina got home.

She had to do some things at the club and was gone when I woke up.

I never realized a person could feel like home, and Caterina was everything I desired.

She made me feel like I wasn’t broken beyond repair, and she looked at me like I was the only girl in the world.

The love I read about in these books was something I had in life.

Titus and Lucifer greeted me with head nudges until I could get my things on the porch, and then it was kisses.

I held Titus and Lucifer and sunk into them.

It was like having a part of Caterina here with me.

I kissed Lucifer’s head as I set up my easel before kissing Titus’s head.

Part of me wanted to stay in bed today, but I knew that was not what I needed to do.

I didn’t want to interact with anyone, so this was the perfect alternative.

The dogs lay next to me, Lucifer’s head in my lap and Titus pressed against my leg as I finished the final touches on this painting.

It was them. I never cared for animal paintings, but our boys deserved their own portraits.

Titus looked up, turning his head like he was critiquing my painting.

I scratched his ear as I scribbled my name at the bottom of it.

I set the painting to the side to allow the paint to dry as I grabbed another blank canvas.

This painting would be a floral piece, but I might add women laying in a field of sunflowers.

I was trying to find things that were bright and happy to give my brain a hint of serotonin.

I messaged Serena to see if we could have an emergency session, but she was away.

She said if it was urgent, she could be here tonight, but I didn’t want to disrupt her life.

Serena would be here in the morning for a session.

Until then, I would paint, read, and enjoy the freedoms I had.

Around two, I walked back to the house to get lunch and a few snacks to bring back with me.

I finished my second painting and decided it was time to read.

The book I decided to read was an intriguing one with a woman who was married several times, but ultimately ended up falling in love with a woman, and it was Old Hollywood.

I was halfway through the book when Caterina came up the stairs and smiled at me. Lucifer and Titus perked their heads up and wagged their tails. “Hi, my love,” I beamed, laying my book down on my chest.

I bookmarked my page and set my book to the side as Caterina sat on the edge of the loveseat, resting her hand on my shoulder. “I missed you today.” I leaned into her touch. “They said you’ve been out here for hours. Are you okay?”

“I had a bad mental day, but I’m okay.”

“You could have texted me and I would have come home.”

She tapped my leg, and I stood up. Caterina took my spot and pulled me onto her lap, wrapping her arms tightly around me. “I know, but that would involve you having to drop everything to come to me. I don’t want to be a burden.”

“Bellissima , you are never a burden.”

“You were busy, but I made the most of it. Painting helps and I had the boys. I’m meeting Serena tomorrow morning.”

“Okay. Next time, call me and I will come home. You are my wife, and I want to make sure you are okay.”

I kissed her cheek. “How about we cuddle up with the boys and take a nap?”

“You’re speaking my language, bellissima.”

Caterina walked me to Serena’s office. We ended up sleeping a lot longer than we intended to and stayed in the guest house.

It was nice just being the two of us with the puppies.

I thought I needed to talk to Caterina about taking a vacation away from Chicago, away from everyone and everything.

A few weeks just the two of us, our dogs, and peaceful serenity.

I wondered if she’d actually do it. I felt like she would, especially if I asked her, but there was a lot going on for her to get up and leave for vacation.

I kissed her as I stepped into Serena’s office. Serena greeted me with a bright smile as she pulled her glasses up and placed them on top of her head. “Good morning, Harlow.”

“Good morning.”

“So, tell me what happened.”

I sighed, taking my seat across from her. “Healing isn’t linear, and I know that. Yesterday was just hard mentally. Vincenzo sent a video to Caterina, and I think it caused me to spiral, but that was a few days ago. I don’t know why it would affect me now.”

“We always have bad days, and that’s okay. Like you said, healing isn’t linear, as much as we wish it was. What did you do?”

“I went to the guest house with the boys and painted. I didn’t want to deal with anyone.”

She nodded. “That’s understandable. Do you want to talk about this video? Cat mentioned something, but she didn’t go into detail.”

I fiddled with my thumbs. Thinking about Vincenzo made me sick, but I knew I needed to talk to her.

“It was the night he officially made me his and he took me home. He recorded us, but I didn’t know until the other night.

He…He made me call him something, and Caterina and Malachi listened and saw what he did to me.

” I sighed. “I told Caterina I would always be a whore and…” I paused, trying to find the right words to say.

“She said I wasn’t, but I told her I was because of all the men that hurt me. ”

“Harlow, you know that’s not true, right? Regardless of what you've experienced.”

“I know. I was embarrassed.”

“What else happened?”

How did I tell my psychiatrist that she called me her whore, spanked me, and I had one of the best orgasms of my life? “Uhm, well, Caterina said if I wanted to be a whore, I would be hers before she spanked me and then fucked me.”

Serena’s eyes grew wide. “How did that make you feel?”

“Scared because I liked it.”

“Don’t feel ashamed for liking certain things, okay? You are learning what you like and healing from trauma.”

I smiled. “I know. Caterina makes me feel safe and loved. I knew I was safe with her, and I enjoyed what she did. We talked about it and said we can discuss anything in the future that I want to try. She said I shouldn’t feel ashamed of sex.”

“And you shouldn’t. Learn and explore. We still have our weekly sessions, but always call or text me if you need me any other day of the week.”

“Thank you, Serena.”