Page 36 of Merciless Queen (Moretti Mafia #1)

Harlow

Today would be the first time I told Serena what happened to me.

The last two sessions we dipped our toes in it, but not what he did to me.

I already knew today would be hard, but it was the first step I needed in my healing journey.

Lizzy said I could scream, cry, and curse God during my sessions, and it might’ve happened.

Serena greeted me with her bright smile as she normally did. And I swear, she was a saint for dealing with me. “Hi, Harlow. How are you feeling today?”

“Nervous, but okay.”

“We can wait another day if you’d like.”

I shook my head. “I need to do it.” I took a deep breath. There was no avoiding it. “I can do it…Just bear with me.”

She pushed the box of tissues over to me, and I took them. “Take your time, Harlow. We are in no rush.”

I gathered my thoughts, my mind spiraling to that first night, the night that destroyed me.

“It was after my mother died. He sent his men to get me, and they took me away from the club. Normally, when Vincenzo would have me, it would be at the club. But this time, it was his house. I-I didn’t know what would happen, but I knew it wouldn’t be good.

He didn’t give me a night to mourn before he shattered my soul. ”

I wiped my eyes and picked at the tissue.

“‘Be a good whore and maybe life will be easy for you,’ he said as he stripped out of his clothes. He handcuffed my hands and bound my legs to his bed. He cut my clothes off of my body and kissed me. Vincenzo went between my legs and gave me oral. I-I had…I had an orgasm. My body betrayed me. I didn’t want to.

I didn’t want him thinking I enjoyed it when I didn't. I didn't like it. I never wanted it,” I forced out, like I needed her to know.

She reached out to me and grabbed my hand, giving me a reassuring squeeze.

“Your body reacted to what was happening. Just because he gave you an orgasm, doesn’t mean anything.

Don’t feel guilty because of how your body responded.

Sex is supposed to feel good when you are with a partner who loves you, and you consented. ”

I nodded. “I read books and even watched porn with one of my friends just to see, but I never once experienced an orgasm from someone else or knew what it was like to ‘make love’ with someone. I knew what I was expecting, but it hurt. He kept taunting me. He wanted me to feel good, but he wasn’t gentle.

He knew I was a virgin, but he wanted me to hurt, too.

That entire weekend, he raped me any way he could.

They put me on birth control when I got there, so he never… uhm, he never used a condom.”

When I felt my chest tighten, I stopped, squeezing my eyes shut as the memory barreled through me like a semi-truck. The room was silent for a while, my hectic breathing the only thing I could hear. My mind was going back to that night…to him.

“Harlow.” I jumped when I heard her voice, and my vision came back. “Come back, sweetie. You aren't there. Don’t let him have this control over you.”

“I-I’m sorry,” I sobbed.

“Don’t be sorry. Tell me something that makes you happy. Take your mind away from the past.”

“A-Art. I love art.”

“What’s your favorite painting?”

“Water lilies. Claude Monet. I love nature, and I took inspiration from him when I was in art class. I started painting again, but it’s not the same. Most of it is dark and sad, but I’ve been drawing Caterina, too.”

“Why do you think you are drawing her?”

I pressed my lips together. “She saved me. I guess it is my way of thanking her.”

“Art tells us a story. This is just your story. I think drawing Caterina is also a part of your journey. I saw some of your work. You are very talented.”

“I like the release art gives me.”

I walked to the guest house with my sketchbook so I could be with the boys. Today was hard, but I knew that would happen when I started talking about what he did to me. I was exhausted, but there was a weight lifted off of my chest as well. It felt like I could finally exhale without fear.

Lucifer and Titus sat by my side as I scribbled in my sketchbook.

Today's sketch was a girl, I was assuming it was me, with two Dobermans at her side. I never realized how healing animals could be. When they found me, they knew something was wrong. It was the only thing that made sense. Caterina said they were trained killers, but they didn’t attack me.

They comforted me as I cried, but they were ready to attack anyone else who dared to step foot in their home.

I couldn’t explain it, but I was thankful I had them.

When my sketch was done, I decided I didn’t want to sleep.

Instead, I grabbed a tennis ball. Lucifer liked to fetch, but Titus wasn’t a fan.

Titus stayed at my side while Lucifer chased the ball and brought it back.

This was how my life could be. I would take life day by day until it got easier to survive.

Caterina walked to the house as Lucifer brought me back the ball.

She looked at her dog, expecting him to run toward her.

Instead, he was waiting for me to throw the ball once more.

Even Lucifer stayed at my side. I laughed at the face Caterina made as I threw the ball once more. It seemed I did domesticate her dogs.

“You broke them,” she joked. “I trained killers, and now they are playing fetch.”

“If it makes it any better, only Lucifer plays fetch.”

She smiled. I didn’t realize how beautiful her smile was before, but she also never smiled like that.

It seemed genuine and real. Not the forced smile I saw at the engagement party.

Caterina was letting down her walls, and that terrified me because I shouldn’t have swooned over that breathtaking smile like I was.