Page 23 of Merciless Queen (Moretti Mafia #1)

Harlow

Surviving was a battle, but I was trying to fight.

It was exhausting, but I made a promise—not only to Lizzy, but to my mom as well.

Even though I wanted to see her again, I would wait.

I wanted to have the life that she wanted me to have before it was taken.

It hurt. Goddamn did it take every fiber of my being to wake up and get out of bed, but I did it.

Each week I made it a goal to do something.

This week my goal was leaving the bedroom and being around people.

Lizzy let me borrow her headphones and an iPod so I could listen to music while I drew. It felt like cheating, but my only goal was to be around others, not socialize. Actively socializing with people other than Lizzy would be a problem for later. It would happen, but I was giving myself grace.

I didn’t expect Caterina to sit next to me and talk.

We were getting married, but she didn’t have to pretend to like me.

I wasn’t looking for anyone's pity, but she seemed genuine. She admired my art, even the sketch of her. I did that after my last therapy session. I followed an art prompt that said to draw something that inspires hope. My pencil didn’t move for an hour, and then I started sketching Caterina.

It wasn’t my intention, but I also never thought she would see it.

Caterina stayed with me until she got called away to her club.

It was odd sitting with her and talking, but it was natural.

Talking with Lizzy was easier, but Caterina was slowly worming her way between my walls.

She said she wanted me to trust her, but I already did.

If I didn’t trust her, I wouldn’t be in her bed every night to sleep.

I closed my sketchbook and put my colors back in the pouch before walking into the kitchen.

A sweet scent invaded my senses and my stomach rumbled.

Antonio was screaming in Italian to a song, but I didn’t understand the words.

He didn’t realize I was behind him until he turned and stopped.

His mouth was open, and he looked shocked.

“Signorina Harlow, I didn’t see you there.”

I smiled, setting my things on the island. “Sorry. I figured I should eat before going upstairs.”

He beamed, walking to the refrigerator and taking out a crystal dish. “Excellent. I made something special just for you. It is delayed, but I wanted to perfect it before giving it to you.”

My brow arched as he set the dish in front of me and removed the aluminum foil. “Tiramisu?”

“The best tiramisu I ever had the pleasure of making.”

He put some in a bowl and slid it toward me with a spoon. It smelled heavenly. I took a small bite, and I saw stars. There was a mix of flavors dancing on my tongue. “Wow. I see why my mom liked this so much. Thank you.”

“Of course. If you would like me to work on anything else, let me know. I am here to please.”

“Can you teach me how to cook? Not now, but when I am ready?”

He smiled. “When you are ready, I will be here.”

Yesterday was draining, but tonight, I had to put on a brave face and go to this bachelorette party.

Caterina said I would be safe and we wouldn’t be there for too long, but the thought of being in another club scared me.

Lizzy said it was nothing like Vincenzo’s, and if anyone touched me, they would die.

I wanted to be strong and do this, not just to play the part, but because I wanted to let go of that fear.

I knew I wouldn’t be okay with the snap of my fingers, but staying locked up in Caterina’s house wouldn’t help me.

Caterina said she would be by my side the entire time, and I trusted her.

I shouldn’t have found relief in her, but I did, and I would need it tonight.

After tonight, I would isolate myself until the engagement party.

Of all the things we had to do, I didn’t want to do that.

The mix of clothing in the closet intimidated me as I stared at it, trying to find something to wear.

My skin started to itch looking at the variety of clothes, and I knew I was going to have a panic attack.

I was free, for God’s sake. I shouldn’t have needed someone to help me pick out clothes to wear. Why was something so simple so hard?

Wetness kissed my cheeks. My hand swiped violently at my cheeks, getting rid of the pointless tears that streamed down my face.

Why was this choice so hard? I left the bedroom, making a beeline for Lizzy’s room, but I bumped into her in the hallway.

The collision made me scream, but Lizzy helped me before I panicked even more.

“Hey. Breathe, pretty girl. What’s wrong?”

My breathing was shaky, and I couldn’t form a sentence.

I was on the verge of a panic attack over fucking clothing.

I wasn’t used to such an elementary choice as picking what to wear when I was always told what to wear.

Lizzy pulled me into her arms as I cried into her chest until I could form coherent sentences.

“I-I’m s-sorry,” I muttered.

“You don’t have to apologize. Come on.”

She took me back to my bedroom and we sat on my bed. I picked the chipped blue polish on my nails. “C-Can you choose what I wear?”

Lizzy frowned, knowing why I would have trouble with that. For the last few weeks, I was in baggy clothes, hiding, but this was public and in front of people. A choice as simple as an outfit shouldn’t have been this hard, but it was.

“Harlow, yo?—”

“I know. I-I can’t. I…”

“Hey, it’s okay. Breathe for me. In and out.” I took a deep breath. “There you go. I’m telling Cat you’re not ready for this.”

I grabbed her hand, pulling her back to the bed. “No! I want to do this. I can’t keep being afraid, and it’s almost been a month since I’ve been free. I need to try.”

“Okay. I'm not going to choose for you, but I will help you. Do you want something revealing or do you want to be covered?”

“Covered. I don’t want people to touch my skin.”

She shuffled through the closet and found a black sweater dress with a turtleneck. “Wear this and tights with those boots we got you. Do you want me to do your hair and makeup?”

I nodded. “Please. I’m sorry I'm being difficult.”

“Sweet girl, you aren’t being difficult. You are still healing, and not every day will be a good one. You don’t have to force yourself to be okay.”

Lizzy put on upbeat music as she did my hair and makeup. The panic in my chest eased. It wasn’t the first time someone else did my hair or makeup, but this time, I knew I was safe, and no one would hurt me when Lizzy was done.

“There we go.” Lizzy gave me a mirror, and my hair was in soft curls, pinned halfway up with a few curls framing my face. The gold in my eyes popped with the hint of shimmer on my eyelids, but she made my eyes sultry without being too much. I looked…beautiful. “You look beautiful, sweet girl.”