Page 139 of Men of Fort Dale: The Complete Series

Without thinking, he brought his fingers to his lips. They were still...odd feeling, tingling. He was sure they weren’t swollen, as Nick hadn’t kissed him nearly hard or long enough. He could still feel the distant sensation of his friend’s lips against his.

“Was it, though?” he asked himself distantly.

With a last lingering gaze toward the ceiling, he stepped outside. The cold bit into his skin, but he welcomed it even as he pulled a hat and gloves on. Despite not having a drink himself, the sudden blast of cold air felt as though it sobered him up instantly.

Tucking his hands into his coat pockets, he set off down the walk. The crunch of the snow and the wind were the only things he could hear.

He let his feet guide him as he trudged around the small complex that made up the Engel family lodge. He could see a few houses in the distance with their lights on and stayed away from them. The last thing he wanted was to deal with the extended Engel family, not after everything that happened.

Which, he told himself, is why he heard a familiar voice.

“Matt?”

He sighed, turning to face the owner of the voice. “Evening, Emily. Where’s your shadow?”

Which was all it took to summon Nicole. Emily stood between a couple of buildings on a narrow path, and Nicole appeared out of nowhere to stand behind her sister.

“I’m taller than her. I can’t be a shadow,” Nicole told him with a scowl.

Matt couldn’t help his smile. “What can I do for you, ladies?”

“Well, it’s Christmas Eve,” Nicole began.

“And we thought we could do with our traditional walk,” Emily finished.

Matt cocked his head. “You guys go for a walk on Christmas Eve?”

“And Christmas Day,” Emily said.

Nicole nodded. “In the most literal sense. When it hits midnight each day, we go for a walk wherever we are.”

“Even when someone was out of town,” Emily said, looking sidelong at her sister.

“I can’t stop the weather causing flight delays, Em,” Nicole told her.

“So, you’re walking,” Matt said.

“And so are you,” Emily pointed out.

“Just like us,” Nicole added.

Matt smiled again, a wave of fondness for the sisters passing through him.

For all the craziness of the Engel family, they felt like a port in the storm when Nick wasn’t around.

Unlike their eldest sister, the two women were perfectly happy left to their own devices, never demanding anything of anyone.

Matt snorted. “Is this where you tell me you’re going to join me on my walk?”

“I think we’re becoming predictable,” Emily said.

He thought about telling them no, he wanted to be alone with his thoughts, his feelings. He wanted to walk the bitter night by himself to think. The problem was the two of them were looking at him with the same amusement and patient understanding that he recognized all too well from Nick.

Ah, Nick. Who he had left behind to suffer on his own because Matt himself hadn’t been able to process what happened. Nick, who had hurt for so long, ached for too long, who had been there for Matt through it all. And now he was alone.

“If you insist,” Matt said with a sigh.

They beamed and happily trotted to each side of him. Before he could protest, each sister took one of his arms in theirs and began walking. Knowing there was no point in arguing, Matt allowed himself to be led away from the neighborhood-like structure of the family lodge.

“Where are you taking me?” he found himself asking.

“A place to think,” Emily told him.

“Because clearly, that’s what you’re all about tonight,” Nicole added.

While not wrong, he found himself wondering what had given him away.

Then again, they had probably walked up to him when he was neck-deep in his thoughts, and it was undoubtedly written all over his face.

It was a strange thought that someone other than Nick could read the emotional weather on his face and yet comforting all the same.

They led him well past the stretch of land he associated with The Lodge.

The snow became crustier and thicker, crunching before their feet sank in several inches.

The air was fresh and clean, as it could only be with snow on the ground.

Matt breathed deeply as they approached a ledge, stopping several feet from the point of no return.

The sky above was black, yet he would swear it was lit with every star and planet in existence.

Milky bands spread between them, covering the inky blackness.

He could not tear his eyes away from it, even as the valley below opened up, offering a snow-covered vista that should have taken his breath away.

Despite the beauty and sheer awe, he wished it were Nick at his side, showing him that beauty. Nicole and Emily were wonderful, and he held a soft spot for them both, but Nick, they were not.

“Breathtaking,” he muttered, looking at the glittering expanse.

“There’s a reason our family took this part of the land as their own,” Emily said.

Nicole chuckled. “And a reason we brought you here.”

Matt blinked, unsure of how to proceed. “Oh?”

“You looked like you were looking for something,” Emily told him.

Nicole snorted. “Answers. We’re always looking for answers, aren’t we?”

Matt looked between them, unable to help but raise his brow. “You’re both deadly serious right now, and I have to say, I’m not used to it.”

“Where’s Nick?” Nicole asked.

Matt closed his eyes, the wash of awe and beauty lost as he bowed his head. He knew it was an obvious gesture, but he couldn’t help it.

Nick was back at their shared cabin, probably huddled up and terrified. Matt had left him alone because he knew Nick and he needed time. It didn’t erase the twist of guilt in his gut, however, knowing he’d left Nick in probably the worst state Matt had ever seen him in.

“At home,” Matt told them simply, feeling it was the easiest answer.

“You sound so sad,” Emily stated.

“I am a little,” Matt admitted.

Nicole pulled him closer, nestling her head against his shoulder. “He told you, didn’t he?”

And without thinking, Matt told them the story about how their father had told the secret first, and how he had found Nick after he’d learned about it.

He told them about their conversation and how desperate Matt had been to understand, to wrap his head around this new fact.

It was blunt, the telling, but it was also raw and unhindered by his emotion, which felt almost purging.

But he stopped when he reached how their conversation had ended.

About the kiss, which had locked Matt down and sent Nick running. Of the moment when everything he thought he understood had stopped making sense. The precise second when everything Matt had understood about the world, his relationship with Nick, had been tossed on its head.

He’d grown silent, but they didn’t complain. Instead, they held him close as he stared at the snow-covered valley. The moonlight leaked into the ravine, making it twinkle as much as the dark sky overhead. Yet all he could see was Nick’s panicked and heartbroken expression as he fled from Matt.

“He kissed me,” he said, breaking the silence.

Emily snorted. “Of course he did.”

“That’s Nick for you,” Nicole said.

Matt glanced between them. “Am I missing something here?”

Nicole chuckled. “It’s just...so him. Holds all this shit in for years and says nothing to anyone for most of that time. Then, when it’s all out in the open, and he’s feeling all sorts of things at once, he acts.”

“It’s a good example of why he takes so much time thinking about things,” Emily said. “Because when he doesn’t think it through, he tends to make a mess of things.”

“I guess this is a mess,” Matt muttered.

“Only if you want it to be,” Emily told him.

“My best friend in the whole world just told me he’s been in love with me for years, kissed me, and fled for the hills. That kind of counts as a mess.”

Nicole grunted. “Actually, he went upstairs. You were the one who ran for the hills.”

“Not the point.”

Emily shrugged. “He’s scared and confused. And you’re just plain confused. I don’t think it’s bad that you both went your separate ways for a little bit to think.”

“Or brood, in Nick’s case,” Nicole added.

Matt sighed. “Now I feel worse for leaving him on his own. I hate when he gets broody. He’s probably beating himself up right now.”

“Yeah,” the sisters agreed in unison.

“Shouldn’t you guys be, I don’t know, talking to him?” Matt asked.

“Well, we found you first,” Emily said.

“And sure, someone should talk to him, but I don’t think it should be us,” Nicole said, looking at him.

“I’m not sure I’m the best person to talk to him about this,” Matt argued.

“I think you’re the only one who can talk to him about this,” Emily told him.

Nicole squinted up at him. “And despite thinking about it, you don’t seem all that freaked out.”

Matt frowned. “Should I be?”

“I mean, your best friend, a man, just told you he’s in love with you and kissed you, a straight guy. I don’t think anyone would blame you for being a little freaked.”

“I’m…” he began before trailing into silence.

Confused? Oh, he was definitely confused.

He’d gone from trying to wrap his head around the concept that Nick had been feeling that way for so long to trying to understand how they’d leaped into a kiss.

Heartbroken? Matt’s heart definitely ached to think that Nick had been dealing with his feelings for so long on his own.

“No, not freaked out,” he said instead of dumping his thoughts into their laps.

Emily hummed thoughtfully. “Interesting.”

Nicole snickered. “Does that mean you liked it?”

Matt jerked. “What?”

“I don’t know,” Nicole said with a shrug. “I mean, if it doesn’t bother you?—”

“It does bother me,” Matt insisted.

“Yeah, but not in the way anyone would have expected, especially not Nick.”

Emily cocked her head. “She does make a good point.”

“She does not.”