Page 137 of Men of Fort Dale: The Complete Series

Matt sighed, sitting on the arm of the couch and glaring at him.

Nick gave him what he was sure was a sloppy grin, even as he tried to ignore the slight twist in his gut.

He loved it when Matt got grumpy, though he could never explain exactly why.

Much like when he was excited about something, it lit his eyes, though in this case, it was an annoyed, almost angry fire.

“Right,” Matt said. “Thinking. Is that the problem? And is your dad diving into a bottle again somehow connected to this?”

Nick scowled. “Shouldn’t be drinking. Bad for him. Gets a big mouth.”

“He gets a big…” Matt stopped, eyes widening. “He told you.”

Nick snorted, letting his head flop back. He couldn’t look at Matt now he’d opened his big mouth too. “More like he told you . Told me he told you, which is, quite frankly, a lot of telling. The kinda telling that shouldn’t be happening.”

Matt sighed. “Nick?—”

Nick shook his head, closing his eyes. “No, no, don’t. I get why you’ve been staying away from me all day. Made a lot more sense when my dad told me what he said to you. Thought it was weird, kinda hurt my feelings, still hurts, but I get it, you know? It’s gotta be weird as fuck, hearing that.”

“From someone else,” Matt added softly.

“Yeah, sure, that was weird. Maybe not as weird as hearing my dad say it to me...or maybe it would’ve been weirder.

News about someone else that should’ve been told by them but was told by a different person, or a secret being told to you about you, and finding out it was told to another person? Weird.”

“It’s weird when you phrase it like that.”

“It is like that!”

Matt snorted softly, bending over to pick up the bottle from the floor and setting it carefully somewhere out of sight.

Nick watched the bottle disappear, giving a low, wistful sigh as he regretted not polishing it off.

Before he could do anything about it, though, Matt slid down to the floor beside him.

There was space between them, which was weird, but he was close, and Nick would take that.

“I love it when you drink, even though I hate seeing how much you drink,” Matt told him.

“Um, then why do you like it when I drink?”

“Because you’re more vocal about what’s going on in your head,” Matt said with a shrug.

“I know I probably should know what’s going on in your head after all these years, but obviously, I don’t.

You get drunk, and you start rambling non-stop, and I know that’s what your head has to sound like all the time. It’s...fascinating.”

Nick snorted. “Noisy.”

“Some people would say that about me,” Matt pointed out.

Nick scowled. “I’ll punch ‘em.”

Matt chuckled, patting Nick’s elbow. “You don’t have to defend my honor, Nick. I know I’m awkward with people, and then I start rambling on about stuff and make it more awkward. I know what I am.”

“So do I,” Nick said, hoping it sounded as affectionate as he meant it.

Matt sat beside him, hands in his lap, gaze on his twiddling fingers.

Nick watched him closely, wishing he had the words to make this less awkward for them.

Yes, he wanted Matt, but more important to Nick was being there for Matt, helping him, being his friend, and not adding another problem to his life.

“Is…” Matt began, clearing his throat roughly. “It’s true then?”

“Of course, I don’t want to add another problem to your life,” Nick said grumpily.

Matt glanced sidelong at him, smirking faintly. “I think we’re having two different conversations here.”

Nick frowned. “Oh, I was...right, thinking, not saying.”

“Yeah, probably.”

“Oh. You meant...what my dad told you.”

“Yes, Nick,” Matt said patiently. “That’s what I was talking about.”

It was Nick’s turn to look at his hands. “Yeah.”

No point in lying about it now. His dad had spilled the beans, and Nick hadn’t exactly gone about trying to deny it.

He couldn’t help but wonder if he might have had a chance at denying it successfully.

Maybe if he’d had his head on straight, he could have managed to whisk it under the rug, leaving Matt to believe a lie.

Nah, he hated lying to Matt. Hiding the truth was one thing, it wasn’t a truth that could hurt either of them while kept secret. But to outright lie to him? Didn’t feel right.

“How...long?” Matt asked cautiously.

Nick sighed heavily. “You really want to know?”

Matt rubbed his forehead vigorously. “Yes, yes I do.”

“Why?”

“Why do I want to know?”

“Yeah, Matt. Why would you want to know? Isn’t it enough to know it’s a thing and leave it at that?”

“No.”

“No?”

Matt’s hands flopped into his lap, fingers twitching. “Look, it’s not enough, okay? I-I’m still trying to wrap my head around all this, trying to see things clearly. And you know how I am when I can’t figure something out.”

Nick couldn’t help his smile. “You get obsessive.”

“I don’t obsess. I get...focused.”

“Yeah, obsessive.”

Matt swatted him. “I do not. Now quit distracting me and answer the damn question.”

What could he really say in the face of that? Nick sighed, studiously picking at a loose thread on his pants.

“A while,” he muttered.

“That’s...vague.”

Nick tugged on the thread. “I don’t remember the exact day.”

That was a lie because he did. It was a crystal-clear memory. Two years into his friendship with Matt, he’d known he was attracted, but he could live with that. And sure, at the time, the friendship made things awkward, but a crush was livable, and he knew with time, it would pass.

Until they’d been helping some fresh-out-of-boot recruits.

He and Matt had been fresh off their first deployment, the horrors and struggles still fresh in their mind.

Helping starry-eyed recruits helped somehow, even if they knew there was a chance some of them would one day lose that innocence in the bloodiest way possible.

Nick still didn’t know what caused the sharp crack that sounded far too much like gunfire.

But it had been enough to send both him and Matt into action.

Nick had dived for cover, and Matt had grabbed the younger man he’d been sparring with and dragged him down.

Problem was, they’d been near a small trench after a heavy rain.

The two men had slid into the thick mud below, with the recruit squawking in confusion.

Shimmying close to the edge, Nick had looked down, making sure nothing was broken.

He’d found a dazed and worried recruit covered in mud.

Matt was no better, covered head to toe in thick mud, sitting back and cracking up.

His moment of fear and training-driven instinct had passed, and he’d seen how ridiculous the whole thing had been.

Nick’s chest had squeezed as he looked down at this crazy man who had been his best friend for a couple of years already—a brother in arms and someone willing to laugh hysterically at himself over the stupidest thing.

“Years,” Nick finally amended, voice rough.

“I’m guessing this hasn’t been just the past couple of years, huh?” Matt asked softly.

Nick could still see the mud smeared over Matt’s eyebrow.

Could still remember the warmth of his hand as Nick helped him out of the trench.

He’d looked tired, worn down, a little startled, still covered in mud, but God, had he been beautiful.

Everything Nick had been holding off had crumbled, and he felt himself teetering from the realm of crush and straight into love. Pure and bright, warm and aching, love.

“No,” he said softly.

Matt shifted uneasily next to him. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

Nick snorted, yanking the thread free finally. “Would you?”

“Have said anything?”

“If it were you, yeah.”

“Well, yes...I don’t know.”

Sitting next to Matt was strange, talking so openly about something he’d kept buried for so many years.

It could have almost been any other conversation they’d had, sat side by side.

Conversations where Nick could enjoy Matt’s presence, feel the warmth coming off his skin, and know they might end up curled around one another in bed for comfort.

It was their habit, their pattern, which had deepened the ache in Nick’s chest and, over the years, brought him comfort.

Matt let out another heavy sigh. “It’s just...weird to think about.”

Nick winced. “I get that.”

Matt shook his head. “I don’t mean...I’m not, like, freaked out or anything.”

Nick looked up slowly, hating the flicker of hope in his chest. “You’re not?”

Matt shrugged. “Not really. I mean, it’s weird to think about you being...you know, with me.”

“Uh, the idea of me having...those feelings for you or the idea of actually being with you?” Nick asked.

That earned a soft laugh. “Put that way, both.”

“Is this your roundabout way of trying to say you’re picturing me naked?” Nick teased.

Matt snorted. “You say that as if I haven’t seen you naked more times than probably all your exes and partners combined.”

The moment should have been one of levity; it was what Nick aimed for.

Instead, he felt his pulse jump at the thought and a drop in his gut.

Here was a man who had seen him in just about every state, clothed and naked for sure but bruised, bleeding, and at his wit’s end.

Matt had been there when Nick had been high and low, and he’d ridden out the middle with him as easily as everything else in their lives.

Through it all, he’d stayed at Nick’s side, as loyal and true as ever, always willing to make him feel better, bring comfort, or just spend time with him because it made them happy.

Not for the first time in his life, he wanted to reach out, cup his friend’s face, and just once, know what it felt like to kiss him.

“So,” Matt said, interrupting Nick’s thoughts. “Can I ask a really weird question?”

“I think we’ve got weird all over the place. What’s a little more?”

“Right. True, fair. I mean, I get the, like, romantic feelings.”

“You get them, huh?”