Page 30 of Maximus (Gold Team #4)

If I had thought that last night after our talk Max was going to take me back to his room, where upon entering, he would strip me naked and commence preparing me for hours of mind-blowing sex—I would’ve been wrong.

Not that that’s what I was hoping for or anything.

What I had not expected was the slow tender kiss he gave me. I hadn’t been ready for his soft touches as his thumbs grazed my jaw when he’d held my face. And when he broke the kiss and his icy blue eyes held mine, I felt more exposed than I ever had in my life.

He was searching for something. Not that he verbalized what he was looking for, but I could tell he was examining me all the same.

I allowed this to go on for a long time.

Us standing in the kitchen just staring at each other.

For me it was about disbelief. I’d agreed to something I didn’t fully understand but I did recognize the significance.

Max was offering me himself and a chance to see if our attraction to one another was more than just that—attraction.

Which if I was being honest with myself, I already knew it was more, my heart had fully engaged and that scared the hell out of me.

I’d been down this road twice before. Two times I’d rolled the dice and came up a loser.

Either the third time was the charm or it would be the third strike and I’d be out.

I was absolutely crazy and I knew it.

But Max was unlike anyone I’d ever met. His sometimes brutal honesty was refreshing—it was comforting. I knew where I stood with him. He didn’t pull punches or have time for bullshit. Max Brown was who he was—through and through.

I liked that.

So last night, Max had kissed me sweetly then sent me to bed—alone.

Well, not alone, the boys were in bed with me and that was where I lay for hours wide awake. Our conversation replayed, the taste of him still on my tongue, and confusion about what I’d agreed to plagued my mind.

Now it was morning and I was sitting on the couch, my boys on either side of me and the TV was on but the volume was low because Max was still sleeping and I didn’t want to wake him.

That, and I was enjoying some alone time with the kids. It felt like forever since we’d just lounged around, even though it had only been days since we left Florida.

There was so much to think about yet I didn’t want to.

I wanted a day where no one mentioned contract killers, explosions, or attempted murder.

I also wanted a day where I wasn’t worried about moving, buying a car, finding a job, or figuring out what I needed to do to enroll Liam in school when summer was over.

And then there was the issue that Eva Dawson no longer existed, so what happened to the small amount of money I’d managed to save—it was in a bank account that now belonged to no one. Was that all gone?

No, I didn’t need a day, I needed a whole year.

“Babe?”

My head swung toward the sound of Max’s voice. “Jeez, you scared me.”

“Sorry, I thought you heard me.” Damn, the man’s voice was sexy.

Deep. Rumbly. Sleep rough.

Nice.

“No, I was woolgathering.”

“I guessed that. You looked a million miles away.”

“Not a million—just down in Florida.”

Max’s expression went from lazy and sleepy to high-alert.

“What about Florida?”

I gave Max a quick shake of my head and hoped he’d understand I didn’t want to have that conversation in front of the boys.

When he clenched his jaw but remained silent, I turned to Elijah. “You ready for breakfast?”

“Scrambled eggs?”

“If that’s what you want.” Eli nodded and looked over at Liam. “That cool with you, bud?”

“Bacon, too?” he asked, smiling.

“Sure thing,” I said and returned the grin.

“Morning, boys.”

“Morning, Max,” Liam happily chirped.

“Morning, Max,” Eli parroted.

With a kiss to each of the boy’s heads I stood and made my way into the kitchen, Max hot on my heels, and suddenly I was nervous.

“You okay?” he asked as soon as we were out of the kids sight.

“I was going to ask you the same thing,” I returned .

“Why would you ask me that?”

I busied myself getting a mug out of the cabinet and poured Max some coffee. I used the creamer that was already on the counter and added a splash into the steaming cup a’ Joe before I offered it to Max.

“What’s wrong?” I asked when he stared at the mug instead of taking it.

“You know how I like my coffee,” he noted and took it from me.

“Um, yeah, I’ve watched you make it a few times now.”

Max kept staring at me like I’d built a rocket ship and not just splashed and stirred some liquids together.

“Why were you thinking about Florida?” he asked, abandoning his earlier question and the strange response to me making him coffee.

“I was just thinking about all of the stuff I didn’t want to think about today,” I sighed.

“Come again?”

“It would be nice to have one day where I didn’t have to think about contract killers, explosions, or attempted murder,” I echoed my thoughts.

“And that made me think of something that Tex said yesterday. He wiped my identity so I was wondering what happens now and what about the money I had in the bank, is that gone? I also started thinking about the boys and how I’m going to have to enroll Liam in school in a few weeks.

And what about a job? I guess I need to call my boss and quit. Then there’s the lease on—”

“Whoa, Eva. Slow down.” Max stepped closer to me and I inhaled his fresh, clean scent. He must’ve showered. “Babe?”

“Yeah?” I blinked up at him.

“You zoned out again.”

“I did?”

“Yeah. Your nose scrunched and your eyes went hazy.”

“I was just thinking about you in the shower.” Max’s deep rumble of laughter jolted me to continue. “No, I wasn’t thinking about you in the shower. I was thinking that you smelled good—so you must’ve taken a shower.”

My explanation in no way calmed his amusement, if anything, he laughed harder.

“Thanks, I guess. I’m not sure if that’s a backhanded way of telling me I don’t smell good unless I’m freshly showered, or if I’m flattered you’re thinking about me in the shower.”

“Why would that flatter you?”

“Because I like that you’re thinking about me naked, wet, and soapy.”

My face flamed, because I hadn’t gotten that far in my contemplation of him showering.

But now that he mentioned it, I couldn’t stop picturing him just as he’d described—naked, wet, and soapy.

Then I started wondering if he’d think I was weird if I asked him to join me while I showered later because I really wanted to see him naked, wet, and soapy.

“Jesus, you’re cute.”

“Huh?”

Max leaned in, kissed my cheek, my forehead, then brushed his lips against mine. He didn’t move away—instead, he whispered, “You’re cute as hell when I know you’re thinking dirty thoughts.”

“I am not,” I denied.

“So you weren’t just thinking about me and you in the shower together?”

“Okay, I was thinking about that ,” I admitted. “But you were naked, wet, and soaping me up. So doesn’t that make my thoughts clean, not dirty?”

His body started shaking and I didn’t miss it because at some point, my hands had made their way to his chest and I felt him fighting back laughter.

“Well, technically, I’m right,” I said, our lips still so close all it would take was the slightest move and they’d be touching.

But I didn’t move. I didn’t do anything but stand there and enjoy a moment of teasing.

“Yeah, baby. Technically, I’d get you clean before I got you nice and dirty.”

The area between my legs started tingling, which made it hard for me to remember I needed to get breakfast for the boys.

“I need to get the boys breakfast,” I voiced my thoughts.

Max closed the scant distance and gave me a long, hard, closed-mouth kiss before he stepped away.

“So… Florida,” Max started and I groaned. Back to reality. “We’ll call Tex later, but I’d like you to think about something.”

“What’s that?” I asked when he didn’t continue.

Max’s gaze went to the direction of the living room before it sliced back to me. All humor was gone. He wasn’t frowning as such, but he certainly looked unsure.

“Tex is adamant you don’t go back to Florida, which I have to tell you I agree with him. I’d like you to consider staying here.”

“In Maryland?”

Hope springs eternal and all that shit.

So there I was, seriously contemplating making another huge decision. One that would affect not only me, but my boys. A move that could either be just what we needed or blow up in my face with disastrous results.

“Here in this house.”

“I can’t afford this house,” I told him.

“Z Corps is renting the house.”

“Z Corps? I don’t know what that is.”

“It’s the company I work for.”

That one sentence was like a wet blanket, reminding me I didn’t know anything about the man I’d agreed to enter into some sort of relationship with.

“What’s that look for?”

Max reached up and used his thumb to pull my bottom lip from between my teeth. The pad of his thumb wiped away the sting and it was then I realized how hard I’d bitten down.

“I don’t know anything about you.”

“What would you like to know?” he asked, not removing his hand from the side of my face, though his thumb had moved to my chin where he was now stroking.

“Everything.” I shrugged.

“Everything’s gonna take a while.”

“Do you have something better to do today?”

“I can think of a few things that would be better, yes.”

I’m sure he could.

“I think…”

“Eva, I was joking. If you want to know something, ask. But you need to know there are things I can’t tell you.”

“Like what?”

“Like what I did in the Navy. The missions I went on.”

I nodded like I understood when I really didn’t.

I wasn’t a complete idiot. I’d seen action movies, I watched the news, so I had a general understanding of military operations and that those carrying out the missions weren’t supposed to talk about them, but I’d never known anyone who’d actually been in the military.

Then something dawned on me. “How do you know Tex?”

“I met him when we were in the Navy.”

“Oh. I didn’t know he served.”

“He did. He was one of the best operators the teams had ever trained.”

“The teams? Is that a nickname for the Navy? ”

Max tilted his head to the side and he looked downright bewildered.

“No, Eva. The SEAL teams.”

“Right. You were a SEAL.” Max righted his head and smiled. He was no longer looking at me be mused but completely a mused. “Why are you staring at me like that?”

“Only you.” He chuckled.

“Only me what?”

“You know, when I was in the teams there were women who perused bars specifically to try to nail a SEAL. Their skills for spotting a team guy are so legendary we have a name for them.”

“So?”

“So, nothing. I find it comical that you’re not impressed in the slightest.”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean—”

“Shh, Eva.” Max brushed his thumb over my lips, silencing me. “You didn’t offend me. I like that you don’t care.”

“Why do you like it?” I asked before I could stop myself.

“Because too many women in my past only cared about my job. All they wanted was the Hollywood dramatization—the rough and rugged bad-boy.”

“They used you because you were a SEAL?” I inquired resentfully.

“Something like that.” Max chuckled.

“That’s not funny, Max. They used you to get you into bed.”

“Yeah, honey, it’s hilarious.”

“I don’t see how. That’s kinda gross. What kind of skank only takes a man to bed because he’s a SEAL?”

“A Frog Hog,” he told me.

“A what?”

“That’s what those women are called. And trust me, Eva, they do not use us. We’re very aware of what they’re good for.”

“That’s gross, too.”

Max sobered and I wondered if now I’d offended him. It was not lost on me that Max had had a goodly amount of partners—more like a godly number of them. I bet he’d taken more than one or a hundred Frog Hogs to bed.

The thought of him in bed with another woman made my stomach sour and my jealousy surface.

“I should make the kids breakfast,” I told him, needing the conversation to be over.

“First, tell me why you’re frowning.”

“No reason,” I lied.

“If you have a question—ask. If you have something to say—say it. But don’t hide from me.”

“You know, people don’t have to voice their every thought.”

“I’m not talking about people . I’m talking about you and me. And if something’s weighing on your mind, don’t hide it from me. Because if you haven’t caught on yet, I don’t hold back.”

That was an understatement.

“Fine,” I huffed. “I was thinking that I’ve slept with three men.”

“And?” Max’s guard slammed down and his eyes turned to ice.

“And you’ve obviously slept with more than three.”

“And?” he repeated.

“And nothing. You wanted to know what I was thinking and that was it.”

Max continued to study me, and I fought not to fidget under his scrutiny.

“They meant nothing. Less than nothing. They wanted one thing from me and the feeling was entirely mutual. There was no after-sex lingering.”

“Max, I don’t need to know this.”

“No, I think you do, Eva. You need to understand that, yes, they were using me and I was using them. And never did I allow any of them to ever cuddle up next to me. Which sure as fuck means I never pulled one close and held on because the thought of her leaving my bed made me physically ache.”

My heart started thundering in my chest and the hope I’d been trying to keep at bay blossomed. No, that wasn’t right—it busted open and overshadowed my doubts.

“And one last thing, there’s no comparison—so get that out of your head.

Everything about you is different and I don’t just mean the way we are, physically.

I mean everything . Trust me enough to know I wouldn’t have asked you to take a chance on us if I didn’t know with blinding clarity just how different you are from those other women. ”

I did trust him. Max Brown was nothing like any other man I’d ever met. Max was not a liar. He was not a crook or a drug dealer. And even though I couldn’t stop myself from worrying that he’d break my heart, I knew down to my bones he’d never hurt my boys—and they were what was important.

And Tex trusted Max. That meant a great deal to me. Tex was the best person I knew. So I didn’t know much about Max but I knew he was a good, decent, honest man. It wasn’t a lot but it was something—and right now, something was better than nothing.

“I do trust you,” I confessed. “But I’m still scared.”

“I’ll tell you a secret, honey.” Max leaned forward, his breath fanned across my neck and goose bumps pebbled. Then he whispered, “So am I.”

My knees turned to jelly and I sagged against Max.

“Will you trust me?” I asked .

There was a pregnant pause and I didn’t know until after I asked how much his answer meant to me.

“Yeah, honey, you’re teaching me how to trust.”

It wasn’t exactly the proclamation I wanted to hear, but it was a damn good start.