Page 26 of Maximus (Gold Team #4)

“Is that what you’re doing with Eva? Burying your problems for a few hours?”

“Maybe. But Eva is not Autumn—not even close. Autumn means something to this team. She means something to me.”

So, I’d overheard Max and Declan talking.

Eva is not Autumn.

Autumn means something to me.

I’d hurried Liam back into the bedroom after I found a bottle of water in the kitchen, which incidentally was where I was when I heard Max telling Declan that I didn’t mean anything to him.

And after that, I tossed and turned all night, falling into spells of sleep, then I’d wake up and it would start all over again.

Me replaying what Max had said until the sun started spilling through the window.

Now I was up and I still couldn’t stop thinking about it.

All that shit he’d said to me on the drive was just that—shit.

He was a liar.

But I couldn’t understand why he’d lie.

Why would he say he wished he could be the man to give me the life he thought I wanted if I didn’t mean anything to him?

But you aren’t that, Eva, you’re a fuck of a lot more.

I guess more than strangers wasn’t much.

Giving up on going back to sleep and not wanting to wake Liam and Eli, I slipped out of bed as quietly as I could and made my way into the kitchen.

Once I had the coffee set to percolate, I moved into the dining room and looked out into the backyard.

It was much bigger than the yard I had in Florida, complete with a swing set, something I wished I could afford to give my boys.

“You’re up early.”

Deep, rumbly, and gruff.

Only this time, Max’s voice didn’t send chills down my arms, it churned my stomach.

“I wasn’t sure Brooks could find a place with a decent backyard and play set but he pulled it off.”

My already stiff body went stiffer, then I whirled around and came face-to-face with Max. But this time I wasn’t dazzled by his blue eyes or his handsome face. I was even impervious to his bare chest that I had the misfortune of getting an eyeful of.

“Just stop.”

“Stop what?”

“The bullshit,” I spat out.

Then I watched with more attention than I should have as Max crossed his arms over his chest, every muscle flexing and jumping, reminding me how powerful his large body was.

“What bullshit?”

“You know, I didn’t take you for a man who played games. Guess I was wrong.”

His blue eyes sparked. This Max I could handle. This Max, the pissed-off one that frowned and breathed fire, was easier to deal with.

“Woman, straight up, I don’t have any idea what the fuck you’re talking about. But I do not play games.”

“You know the part I just don’t get? I’d already proved I was easy so it wasn’t like you had to sweet talk me to get me into bed, so all that shit you said in the car was meaningless. You didn’t have to say it, I would’ve fucked you again.”

“Nothing easy about you,” Max growled and stepped closer. “And never once have I sweet talked a woman to get her under me.”

“No, not you. You just sweet talk after the deed’s done—spouting bullshit about wishing you were the man who could give me something more.

When we both know that’s just not the case.

I’m nothing—just a woman to bury your troubles in for a few hours.

And you know the fucked up thing, Max? I was okay with that.

I knew that’s what I was. Hell, I knew that’s what you were.

Once I pulled my shit together, I understood what we’d done and why we’d done it.

But then you ruined it. You fed me a line of bullshit and lied. ”

Yeah, oh yeah, Max was pissed.

Fire and ice.

I turned to walk into the kitchen, not because I was afraid of him but because I needed caffeine and if I was being honest, it hurt to look at him.

But I didn’t get far.

Max’s hand curled around my shoulder, stopping my exit, and he moved to step in front of me.

“Eva—”

“Let go of me.”

“We need to talk about what you think—”

“I said, let go of me. Now, Max.”

His hand fell away and he stared down at me with eyes so blue I took a moment to gaze into them. Study them. Really look at the specks of darker blue that were scattered about. I would never have the opportunity again, not this close.

And it sucked that even hurt and angry, I couldn’t stop myself.

It sucked even more, Max turned out to be a liar.

Not because I thought we were going to sail into the sunset together, but because believing in Max, falling into bed with him, and for a moment hoping I could have him, meant I was still the same foolish, stupid woman I’d vowed not to be.

“You came up with all of that because you heard part of a conversation with Declan,” he surmised.

“You know, you could’ve asked me about it.

But instead you ran away, hid, and let your imagination take over.

All you had to do was ask and I would’ve told you that when Declan asked me if I was using you to bury my troubles and I answered with a “maybe” it was because my head’s jacked and I’m not ready to think about how I feel about you, let alone talk about it with Declan.

But you didn’t ask, you got your ass in the air, locked yourself in the bedroom, and didn’t come back out.

Now you’re standing in front of me calling me a liar. ”

“And I’m supposed to believe that? I heard you tell him that woman meant something to you, and I didn’t.”

“Yeah, Eva, you are, because it’s the truth.

And you didn’t hear me tell Dec you don’t mean something to me,” he returned.

“You heard me tell him that you’re not Autumn.

Which, given the opportunity, I would’ve explained all the ways you are not her—two of the most important ones are: you aren’t the sister-in-law of one of my teammates.

The other is, you weren’t kidnapped, sold into the sex trade, forced into a life that led you to have sex with men against your will, then compelled you to live years seeking vengeance.

“And I would’ve told you that Autumn Pierce means something to me because she saved Declan’s life.

But what that something is, is not romantic; it’s not attraction, it’s gratitude.

But again, you didn’t give me that chance, you made assumptions—ones that were incorrect and turned your bullshit around onto me. ”

Well, dammit to hell . He was kind of right. More than kind of, actually. I did do those things. I had made assumptions. I had hidden in the bedroom so I could lick my wounds.

“You’re right. I didn’t ask,” I told him. “And I’m sorry about what happened to Autumn, that’s terrible.”

Max kept staring at me, face hard, body taut, and suddenly I noticed it wasn’t all anger in his features. There was something else there, too.

“You’re sorry about what happened to Autumn, but not sorry you called me a liar?”

“I’m sorry about that, too,” I admitted.

Max shook his head and some of the irritation slid away.

“You know, any other time, any other woman pulled the shit you just pulled, I would’ve walked away.

Last night before Dec got here, you told me you trusted me.

Not only that, you went so far as to say you trusted me with your kids.

Then you overhear part of a conversation and now I’m suspect.

That’s not trust, Eva, that’s bullshit.” Max paused and I figured out what was beyond the frustration that shone clear, it was hurt.

“I’m gonna go take a shower,” he informed me and started to walk away.

“Max?” I called when he was nearing the mouth of the hall.

“Yeah?”

“I’m…” I trailed off because I wasn’t sure what I wanted to say.

“You’re what, Eva?”

“Confused. Afraid. I don’t know what to believe. I think you know I’m not a very good judge of character. And well, I jump to conclusions. It was uncool and—”

“It was uncool. But you know what’s fucking worse?

Is you lumping me in with the assholes in your past. I am not them—not even remotely close.

So while you’re sifting through all those conclusions you jumped to, cast your mind back to the beginning.

I’ve never lied to you—not once—even when the truth was probably a little uncomfortable for you to hear, I still gave it to you straight.

And I’ll give you more, Eva. I’ve never been open and honest about where I’m at in my head with anyone.

I’ve never paused and considered that maybe I’ve missed out because I can’t get over something that happened over ten years ago.

But I have to tell you, that shit you just fed me, tells me that maybe I’ve been right, it’s just not fucking worth it. ”

And with that kill shot, he was gone.

Gone in a way I should let him be forever—emotionally checked out.

That was safer.

I poured my coffee, went back to the sliding glass window, and stared out into the backyard.

Max had asked his friend to find us a place with a swing set. He’d asked another friend to get the boys stuff so they would feel comfortable. He’d been honest with me from the start—even when his honesty hurt, he still gave it.

He’d given in and allowed me to tell my boys we were going on vacation instead of the truth. Then he’d played along with my stupid plan until he couldn’t any longer. And even after the jig was up, he cushioned the truth and protected my relationship with my boys.

He bought Eli a blue parrot. He bought the boys’ favorite book.

And I’d repaid all of that by running away and hiding instead of having the courage to ask him about what I’d heard.

Now Max was gone. I should leave it alone and let him stay mad at me .

That was the wise thing to do.

The smart thing.

But my stomach roiled at the thought, my heart clenched, and my temples throbbed.

I understood there wasn’t and never would be anything permanent between Max and me. I knew there was no future, no hope, but I still had to make things right. I had to make him understand why I’d reacted the way I had, even if it was for my peace of mind.

I had to change, be better, take responsibility for my actions and the frustration and hurt I’d caused.

But how I was going to do that, I didn’t know.

And after my boys had woken up, eaten breakfast, and gotten dressed for the day, I was no closer to figuring it out.

When Max sat them down to tell them about Declan, Brooks, Kyle, and Thad coming over, the gentle way he did it, the softness in his tone, only made the ache in my chest hurt worse.

I was lost.