Page 23 of Maximus (Gold Team #4)

Anaya didn’t go a little overboard. She went crazy.

Elijah had fallen asleep in the car about an hour ago. This was after driving for six hours and stopping to get dinner. The TVs in the headrest were a godsend and had kept the boys occupied. Unfortunately, that meant there was a whole lot of silence during the drive.

Eva had damn near shut down. She gave one word answers when she could, would hum her agreement, and grunt her negative responses to any questions I asked.

This should’ve been good. I needed to distance myself from her, and not getting to know her any better was a great way to do just that. However, the quiet gave me too much time to think my fucked-up thoughts. What it didn’t do was give me time to sort myself.

I used the hours in the car to ponder all the reasons why I was the way I was.

I’d gone all the way back to the beginning and started wondering what in the hell was so broken in my mother that she loved an abusive dick more than her own child.

I would never know because I’d never asked.

But as hard as I tried, I couldn’t for the life of me figure out why she’d given me up into foster care instead of leaving my dad and keeping me.

I was an unlovable burden.

Then I deliberated what was so wrong with me that my aunt and uncle couldn’t love me.

Sure, they’d taken me in. Not because I was the son of my aunt’s sister, but because they got money each month for my care.

I was just a kid, but I remember the conversation clearly.

They did not hide that shit from me and straight out asked how much money they’d receive.

My dad was loaded after all, so they hit paydirt.

They did not use that money to take care of me.

They didn’t even use it to move into a better home in a nicer neighborhood.

They didn’t save it for my college education.

They bought me the bare minimum and they bought themselves cars, clothes, and vacations I was not welcome to attend.

And the money had afforded them babysitters.

Which I spent a good amount of time with so they could go to fancy dinners to wear their nice clothes and take their trips.

I was an unlovable meal-ticket.

By the time my thoughts went to Pam and her bullshit, I was no closer to figuring out why not a single person in my life could love me.

Therefore, it was me who was broken, damaged, and not good enough.

I was the common denominator.

And even if I wanted to fix myself—which I didn’t—so a woman could give herself to me, I didn’t have the first clue how to do it.

The fuck of it was, I’d never really contemplated my life so thoroughly.

I just went through life protecting myself, not trusting anyone to get close.

But it wasn’t until I watched Eva lean into the back seat, unbuckle Eli from his car seat, and carry him into the house that I wondered if I’d missed out on something.

Was there more to life?

It was with those thoughts that I opened the front door of the safehouse and saw no less than twenty bags piled in the middle of the room, that I realized I had no idea what Christmas times ten meant, because I’d never had a real Christmas.

Yeah, fuck yeah , I’d missed out on a lot.

After Eva had laid Elijah down and Liam had changed into pajamas, both mother and son had come back into the living room. My eyes went from the bags Anaya had dropped off to Liam’s eyes, then up to Eva’s. I couldn’t read either of their expressions.

“What’s all that?”

“I asked a friend to pick up some stuff for you and your brother,” I started.

“That’s for us?”

“Yeah, but before you tear into anything, your mom needs to go through it and make sure it’s okay for you to have.”

That was the right thing to say, right?

I thought it was, giving Eva the final say on what the boys got to keep, but she kept her face completely blank.

“Mom?”

“That’s a lot of stuff, sweetheart. We’ll go through it in the morning. But I don’t want you to get your hopes up. We won’t be here all that long, so I don’t think we need all…” Eva’s hand swept out, motioning to the bags. “That.”

It was then I understood what she’d meant about disappointment—Liam’s face fell and I wanted to kick my own ass for not talking to Eva about my plan first, then for not giving Anaya a limit.

Not that it was her fault—she’d done what I’d asked and got some shit for the boys.

It was my fault completely I hadn’t put a cap on that .

“It looks like there’s some clothes in some of the bags, too,” I tried to defend.

“Right,” Eva mumbled. “It’s been a long day, why don’t we head back to the bedroom and lie down? There’s a TV in there you can watch for a bit.”

Liam nodded his easy acceptance then turned to me. “Thanks again for dinner.”

“You’re welcome, kid. Sleep tight.”

“You’ll…um… you’ll be here in the morning?”

“Yep. I’ll be here.”

“Night, Max.”

“Night, bud.”

Eva didn’t say anything as she walked away, which actually said more than I wanted to admit. I’d totally fucked up.

Damn.

I pulled out my phone and called Kyle.

“You there?” he asked when he picked up.

“Yeah. Just wanted to call to check in and say thanks for sending Anaya out.”

“She was worried she got too much, but she also knew they didn’t have anything, since everything they brought with them was in the car. She said there’s some clothes and toiletries and shit for the kids and for Eva. Shoes, too, but she had to guess on the sizes.”

Well, that explained why there were so many bags.

“She did great, I appreciate it.”

“We figured we’d come over there tomorrow at ten. Didn’t want you to have to leave the house, but there’s a lot to go over.”

“Might be a lot for the boys. Elijah, the youngest, is shy and extremely timid. And Liam’s not far from that but more watchful.

Let me talk to Eva later tonight if she’s still awake after she gets Liam down.

Then we’ll talk to the kids in the morning and feel them out.

Eli’s finally coming around and talking to me.

I don’t want to have a setback with him.

And, fuck, Liam’s been through a lot and the last two days, he’s been cooped up in a car. We’re gonna have to play that by ear.”

That was met with silence and it stretched long enough I called out, “Kyle?”

“Yeah, right. Just call us in the morning.”

“Who’s got the first shift watching the house?”

“Dec. He rolled out of here five minutes ago. Should be circling the block by now.”

“Right. I’ll call him.”

“Glad you’re back. Hope I get to meet Eva and the boys tomorrow.”

Kyle disconnected and I dismissed his weird as hell comment about meeting Eva and the kids. Instead, I dialed Declan.

“Hey,” Dec greeted. “I’m just coming on your block now. I’m gonna do a drive-by, get the lay of the land. Then I was gonna call you so you don’t shoot my ass when I do a walk-around.”

“Before you do that, knock on the door.”

“Everything okay?”

Fuck, no, everything is not okay .

“Yep. Just want a face-to-face. Kyle mentioned everyone coming over tomorrow. Want to talk to you about that.”

“Give me five.”

“Copy that.”

I hung up the call and pocketed my phone just as Eva was walking back into the living room.

“Liam asleep already?” I asked.

“No, he’s thirsty. I was gonna check the kitchen.”

Those nine words were the most she’d said to me in hours. But they were said in a way that was devoid of emotion .

“Everything all right?”

“Just a lot on my mind.”

At least that was honest and she didn’t shut me out, lie and tell me she was fine when she damn well wasn’t.

“Listen, my team wants to come over here in the morning. I told them I needed to talk to you about that first.”

“Why?”

“I don’t want Liam and Eli to be scared.

Brooks, Thad, Kyle, and Declan are…” Damn, how did I describe my team?

“They can be, shit, Eva, I don’t know. They’re all big men.

My size and bigger. Eli was freaked out when he met me, I don’t know how he’ll react to four strange men in the house.

And Declan, he can be gruff, not to mention, he’s got a scar across his neck.

One look at him and Liam might take you and his brother and try to make a run for it. ”

Eva’s teeth scored her bottom lip, her brows creased, and her crazy-beautiful yellowish eyes held mine. But she remained silent.

“What are you thinking about?”

“They’re your friends.”

“Yeah, they are. They’re all good men—”

“They’re your friends,” she repeated. “So of course they’re good men. I trust you.”

I felt that statement in my gut, my chest, and for some unexplainable reason, in my dick.

“You trust me?”

“Well, yeah, of course I do.”

“What does that have to do with my team coming over?”

“It means I trust that you wouldn’t put my kids in danger.

I’ll talk to Eli and Liam and explain that your friends are coming over.

They’ll both be wary, because that’s how they are.

But they’ll be okay. It will take time for them to warm up like it did with you, but if your friends are patient, it will happen. ”

Yeah, I’d totally missed out on life, but I didn’t want to miss out on Eva. I wasn’t sure what that meant in the long run, but in the here and now, I wanted more of her.

“Tell me what happened in the car.”

“Huh?”

“The car, babe. After you rightfully laid me out about not talking to you before asking Anaya to buy shit for the boys.”

“I didn’t lay you out,” she argued. What she didn’t do was tell me why she’d grown quiet, then shut me out for seven hours.