Page 29 of Maximus (Gold Team #4)

I was sitting on the couch, beer in one hand, tablet in the other, reading a report Garrett had sent when I heard a door creak, then footsteps. I glanced at the right corner of my screen, noting it was after midnight, and waited.

My day, technically yesterday, had been shit.

It started with Eva accusing me of being a liar, then it had descended further into the murky pits of shit when we called Bubba, and had not gotten any better from then on. Eva had been withdrawn, guarded, and so fucking detached my jaw hurt from clenching it all day.

I swear, there were a few times I tasted blood because I bit my tongue so hard instead of saying what I wanted to say.

Eva silently walked past me on her way into the kitchen. I feigned disinterest and kept my head down. Only when I heard the fridge door close harder than it needed to be did I look up and find her pouring a glass of apple juice.

Fucking apple juice.

The sight had me setting my tablet aside and standing. My mind filled with memories of Eva tasting like goddamn apples and I stalked into the kitchen .

Then I snapped.

“You done?” I growled.

“Done?” Eva’s body jolted, her back went straight, and her eyes narrowed.

Yeah, sweetheart, I’m pissed, too.

“Done with whatever crawled up your ass.”

“You didn’t… you didn’t just say that.”

“I sure as fuck did. All day I’ve been treated to your shit. You done yet?”

“ My shit?”

“I’m speaking English, Eva. You don’t need to repeat everything.”

“I’m not the one who’s been in a mood all day.”

“Right.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I wake up thinking we’re finally settled in a house, the boys can have semblance of normalcy, we can relax, but instead I catch a bunch of shit about how I’m a liar.

Then when I get out of the shower, you give me the silent treatment.

And when you’re not doing that, I get one-word answers.

And if that’s not wacked enough, you’ve made damn sure there’s at least ten feet between us at all times.

So, yeah, babe, I’ve been in a mood. A bad fucking mood because you’re acting like a child instead of a grown-ass woman. ”

Eva’s torso jerked so violently, her juice sloshed and spilled over the rim, and it looked like I’d landed a physical blow when in reality I was still feet from her.

“I apologized.” She set down the glass on the counter and pointed at me. “I told you I was confused and afraid.”

“Yeah, sweetheart, you think you’re the only one confused? Welcome to the club.”

“Why are you confused?” she asked, bending slightly at the waist leaning toward me. “You’re the one that’s throwing— ”

“Because you scare the shit out of me,” I admitted before I thought better of it. “You freak me the fuck out, woman. You make me question everything I thought I knew. You make me think about my life and how I’ve lived it. You make me feel shit I don’t want to feel. You drive me fucking crazy.”

Eva’s eyes went round and she stood straight before she stumbled back and rested her ass against the cabinet behind her.

“I… what?”

“Confuse the hell out of me. That’s what you do. And I can’t figure out why, even though I know better, I can’t stop myself from wanting to get close.”

“That’s crazy.”

“Tell me about it,” I mumbled. “But it’s the damn truth. And I’ll tell you something else, I’m done trying to fight it.”

“Trying to fight what?”

“Are you fuckin’ serious?”

I was done with the distance between us and Eva’s eyes widened as I moved to her and bracketed her with my chest inches from hers and my hands on the countertop near her hips.

“Do not lie to me and tell me you don’t feel it, too.”

Her breath was coming out in choppy puffs, fanning across my neck, conjuring up all sorts of illicit memories of her panting while I was pumping inside of her. An activity we would be doing again—and soon.

“I don’t know what I feel.”

“Don’t try to bullshit me, Eva. You felt it back in Georgia when I was sittin’ across from you havin’ lunch.

I know you did. I know you felt it when I kissed you.

I know you felt it when I took you to my bed and fucked you.

You feel it the same as me. The question is, why the hell are we fightin’ it? ”

“Because it’s not smart to explore it,” she huffed. “Me being here is temporary. ”

“What if it wasn’t?”

“And what if pigs—”

“I’m being serious, don’t be a smartass.”

Eva’s mouth clamped closed, then some of the sass drained out and sadness crept in.

“This is hard, Max. Please don’t make it harder.”

“What’s hard?”

“All of this. Taking my kids on the run. Everything coming back up. Tex having to help me. Mark Wright getting involved.”

“Us asking Bubba for help was the right thing to do and it got us one step closer to making you safe.”

“But it wasn’t fair.”

“Straight up, babe, get over it. It’s time to move on. Everyone else has, but you.”

“How do I just get over it?” Eva’s voice pitched higher and she was back to angry.

“You put it out of your head and move on. You’ve apologized, they’ve forgiven you, it’s way fucking over for everyone. Time to get the fuck on with your life.”

“I cannot believe you’re saying this to me.”

“You can’t? Because since you’ve known me, I’ve been pretty damn straightforward and to the point. I don’t know what would’ve given you any indication I’d pussyfoot around something.”

“You know, that’s rich coming from you. You’re always so quick to give it to me straight when you admit you’re a man with more than a few issues. You hide behind a mask of emotional indifference and call it honesty.”

“A few issues? Babe, I’m totally fucked up.

Something I’ve admitted to you. I also explained it wasn’t something I’ve ever shared with anyone else.

I am who I am and I know exactly why I’m that way and I know exactly who made me into this person.

But you know what I didn’t know until just yesterday when we walked into this house?

I didn’t know that I didn’t like that person.

I didn’t know everything I was missing out on, because yes, I was hiding.

Though I call it protecting myself from being used and thrown away.

Protecting myself from feeling anything that could remotely hurt me.

Is that enough honesty for you or do you need more? ”

“You’re still making it harder,” she whispered. “This wasn’t supposed to happen.”

“What wasn’t?”

“This. Us. Whatever we are. I wasn’t supposed to feel anything for you.

I can’t just get over things, like you suggest. I’m not wired that way.

They eat at me. I dwell on them. Hell, I’m even worried about Ms. Wyman back in Florida getting her groceries since I’m not there.

I overthink everything. So what happens when you’re done with me?

When you walk away, where does that leave me? ”

Finally some truth. Some openness.

“I can’t predict the future and I do not make promises I can’t keep.

I don’t know what’s going to happen tomorrow, next week, or a month from now.

But I can tell you that right now in this moment, I want to know you better.

I want to travel a road with you I’ve never been on—a path that might dead-end in five feet, or it may just be a beautiful voyage.

Either way, I want to walk it with you.”

“I think I’m too scared to walk that path with you.”

“Then I’ll carry you.”

“Don’t say that.” Eva’s eyelids slowly closed and her head tilted down.

“Eva, take this chance with me.” My hands moved from the edge of the countertop to the soft skin of her neck. My hands framed her pretty face and I waited for her to open her eyes.

“Max, I don’t know how to. I’ve never had a healthy relationship with a man. I’ve never even had a friendship that wasn’t layered with lies or dysfunction.”

“Tell me the one thing you’re most afraid of,” I asked.

“What?” Eva’s lids opened and her eyes locked with mine. “I don’t understand.”

“That one thing that’s deep inside of you that scares the piss out of you—your greatest fear,” I explained, and waited to see if she’d actually answer.

“That I’ll turn into my mother,” she whispered.

“What about her don’t you want to be like?” I pushed.

“Everything. She’s a drunk. Her and my father both. That’s why I left at fifteen. Not that they noticed. The two of them had each other and their booze. I wasn’t even an afterthought. I was nothing to them.”

At some point, Tex had told me that when I got to know Eva better I’d find we had a lot in common.

He was wrong, we didn’t have a lot, we had damn near the same childhood.

Hers was filled with alcohol, mine was filled with fists, but the results were the same.

Both of us were the product of a horrendous environment.

Neglected by the very people who should’ve loved us but didn’t.

“So what you’re telling me is, your mother’s a piece of shit.”

“That’s putting it nicely. Why did you ask what I’m scared of?”

“Because I wanted to know something about you.” I shrugged. “And people’s fears tell more about them than they think. But actually, your answer plays into what we were talking about before I asked. You say you don’t know how to have a healthy relationship with a man because you’ve never had one.

“Yet you’re a great mother without having had one yourself. So just because you’ve never had a good example of something, doesn’t mean a damn thing. ”

“Both of us are messed up.”

“Yep.”

Then the conversation I had with Declan came racing back, and with great clarity I understood why he was seeing Autumn. He’d said it was the only time he could be himself. But it was more than that.

“Maybe we’re perfect for each other,” I told her. “Two people who know that life can be cruel and heartless. Two people who have lived through the savagery and made it. Two people who know enough that they’ll appreciate honesty and peace and not forget to value it.”

“That’s awfully wise, Max.”

I didn’t know if it was sage or not. What I did know was it was the damn truth.

“Take a chance, Eva, give me a chance to learn to trust.”

Her lips twisted and she snorted. “Is that the same as: help me, help you?”

“Huh?”

“ Jerry Maguire .”

“Who’s that?”

Eva’s eyes flared and she smiled. “It’s not a who, Jerry Maguire is a movie starring Tom Cruise.”

“Don’t have much time to watch movies, so unless shit’s blowing up, there’s a high speed chase, or my belly aches from laughing, I’m not wasting my time.”

“Oh, well, never mind, none of those things happen in Jerry Maguire .”

“What do you say, Eva? You wanna see where this thing between us takes us?”

“What about the boys?”

“What about them, baby?”

“They… us… we come as a package.”

I couldn’t stop my smile and her declaration. I also couldn’t figure out how to say what I needed to without sounding like I was trying to bullshit her.

“At the risk of revealing my mommy issues, I know better than most what it says about a woman by the way she treats her children. And the way you are with them tells me you’re someone I want to know, someone I want to be around.

So, Eva, I know you come with them, and I can promise you what happens between us doesn’t touch them.

Not in any negative way, though I don’t need to even say that to you because I know you’d kick my ass before that happened. ”

“You never said, when you were younger, did you and your mom get away from your dad?”

“Nope. Black eyes, broken bones, fists, and fights I guess that was all she knew so she stayed and nothing was going to make her leave him. Not even when my bruises got bad enough my school could no longer ignore them and they called the authorities. Not even the police showin’ up at the house.

Not even when the social worker sat my mother down and explained I was being removed from the house if my mother didn’t leave my father.

When faced with losing her child to the foster care system or staying, she chose her abuser over her son. ”

Eva’s face paled and softened—not in pity but understanding.

Yep, this was exactly what Declan was talking about. If I’d shared that with anyone else they would’ve felt sorry for me, but not Eva. She understood the hell I went through because she’d lived through her own.

“Did the social worker find you a good home?”

“Good?” I huffed. “If you equate not catching my old man’s fist but instead being used as a meal ticket by my aunt and uncle who basically ignored me but enjoyed the fuck out of the money my dad was ordered to pay, then yes, I found a good home. ”

“That doesn’t sound good, honey,” Eva whispered, and I let the warmth of her voice wash over me before it settled in my chest where it burned. “Just to say, none of that sounds great, but I’d rather be ignored than hit.”

Yeah, Eva got it.

None of it was great. But only someone who’d lived in shit understood that sometimes you didn’t get great, you took what you could get, and made the moves you needed to make to get yourself out.

“That was the plus-side of living with the vultures,” I confirmed.

“I hope your arms are strong, Max,” Eva said in the same soft tone. “I don’t know how far I’ll be able to walk before you’ll have to carry me.”

Fuck . She was going to take a chance.

Now what ?

I didn’t think it was the right time for jokes so I bit back a retort reminding her just how strong my arms were and tried to think of something to say—something that would solidify that she made the right choice. But I’d never done this before. I didn’t know how to do romance and heart-to-hearts.

I wanted to tell her my shoulders were broad and solid. I could carry her for miles and not break a sweat. But I didn’t think that was right, either.

So I settled for, “When you stumble, I promise to catch you.”