Page 25 of Maximus (Gold Team #4)

“That’s not the surprising part. You know what Eva did to Bubba. Zane’s loyalty to the brotherhood is unshakable. It doesn’t matter to Zane he never served beside Bubba—brotherhood is brotherhood.”

“And you’re a part of that same community. Once a SEAL, always a SEAL and all that shit.” Declan paused and narrowed his eyes. “You have a problem with this mission?”

“Nope.”

“Then why’d you bring that shit up? We all know who Eva is and what she did. We’ve all also read the reports so we know why she did it. Bubba and Zoey agreed with Tex that she needed help. You don’t have to trust her to protect her.”

“Come again?”

“Don’t bite my head off, brother. I know you and that’s to say you don’t trust anyone but Brooks, Thad, and Kyle. You don’t— ”

“You do know you’re on that list, too. And I trust Anaya, Emerson, and Tatiana.”

Declan crossed his arms over his chest and shook his head.

“You held Tatiana at gunpoint—”

“We were in the middle of a fucking mission when she suddenly got involved and that same fucking day my head almost got blown off. What the fuck was I supposed to think?” I defended my actions even though I now regretted them.

“You called Anaya out in front of the whole company,” he reminded me.

Thankfully, I had not pointed a gun at the woman, but I had been a dick.

“Again, Dec, she shows up in the middle of a mission and has ties to one of the men we were investigating.”

“She took a fucking beating for me and Kyle,” Dec snapped and I flinched.

“Part of why I trust her,” I noted. “And just to say, I backed Emerson from the start. I understood why she ghosted Thad and I took her back in that shitshow. Just because I’m an untrusting dick doesn’t mean I’m stupid and incapable of seeing reason.

I know why Eva did what she did, but more than that, I fucking understand.

That woman loves her children and she’ll do anything to keep them safe. ”

“Is there something I need to know about you and Eva—”

“How ‘bout this, Dec? I unload all the shit that’s swirling around in my head when you explain to me how in the actual hell you think it’s a good idea to fuck Autumn Pierce.”

Declan’s torso jerked then stiffened. “What the fuck?”

“You heard me.”

“Yeah, I did. And how the fuck do you know—”

“I followed you. You’ve been disappearing a lot. I was worried— ”

“Worried about what? That I was somehow fucking over the team?”

I reared back in disgust that my teammate would think I’d doubt his loyalty.

“No, you asshole. I was worried about you . You and Kyle came back from Timor-Leste and you were even more withdrawn. Then Ivy and Violet gave birth and you went even deeper into yourself. I know nothing about you, except you carry a heavy burden and you’re hellbent to carry that alone. I wanted to make sure you were okay.”

Declan went still and remained silent.

“Your past isn’t my business, I get it. But what you’re doing with Autumn is gonna hurt a lot of people.

Emerson is gonna be devastated her sister has been living close and she’s been denied the knowledge.

Thaddeus is gonna be pissed his wife is hurt, and Brooks is gonna take his back.

You’re risking the team for a piece of—”

“If you finish that, you and me got problems,” he growled.

“So it’s like that?”

“It’s not—”

“If you think that it’s not my business, then you’d be wrong. My team. My business. I get it, brother. The need to let off steam, bury your problems, even if it’s for a few hours, but Autumn Pierce is not the woman to do that shit with.”

“Is that what you’re doing with Eva? Burying your problems for a few hours?”

I had to admit his question held merit, which was part of what was swirling around in my head.

It sure didn’t feel that way, but her situation was extreme.

Someone was trying to kill her—and now me—and I was trying to prevent that from happening.

I didn’t know if I could trust what I was feeling, what I did know was it felt damn good to be around her.

“Maybe,” I admitted. “But Eva is not Autumn—not even close. Autumn means something to this team. She means something to me—she saved your sorry-ass life and every time I see that scar on your neck, I’m reminded that if she hadn’t taken out the fucker whose blade sliced your throat, none of us would’ve gotten to you in time. ”

Declan lost none of the harshness in his voice but he did something I hadn’t expected.

He shared.

“She’s the only person who gets me. I don’t need to tell her shit because she just knows.

Not the details, not the circumstances, but she knows my loss.

She understands the demons that live inside of me because she has them, too.

She doesn’t try to fix me or talk to me because she knows what’s broken will always be broken.

And in exchange, I give her the same. I know who she is, I understand why she’s compelled to do what she does.

We know who we are and what we have—when we’re together, everything else falls away.

We don’t have to pretend to be anything but who we really are—two lost souls that are emotionally bankrupt and dead inside.

What Autumn is not and never will be, is a piece of ass. ”

“And what loss is that, Declan?”

“The kind that eats you alive—every single day it gnaws itself deeper. The kind that never goes away. A version of what lives inside of you and colors your world. You think every person is out to get you, when in reality the only person who’s preventing you from living a life that doesn’t include you putting everybody around you through a series of tests before you let them in even a fraction is you . ”

Declan moved toward the sliding glass door but stopped before he opened it.

“I’m not going to insult you by asking you twice, but if you need to take a step back to get your head sorted, I can—”

“I’m good,” I bit out.

“Right. Then I’m gonna do a walk-through of the neighborhood. ”

Declan let himself into the house but I didn’t move.

I needed a minute to clear my thoughts.

I should’ve been thinking about the Omni case and the new intel that had come in while I was in Florida—but I wasn’t. The next best thing would’ve been to figure out what the hell was going on with Eva and why I was drawn to her—but I wasn’t doing that, either.

Instead, I stood alone in the darkness and thought about what Dec had said about me testing those around me—and damn if he wasn’t right. I did do that. I did it to protect myself because he’d also been correct when he accused me of thinking everyone was out to get me.

But everyone was, weren’t they?

Everyone had an agenda, even me. Some were more fucked-up than others but everyone was using someone to get what they wanted.

The question was, what was Eva using me for?

What was it that she wanted?

And an even bigger question was, what was it I was using her to get?