Page 27

Luke seemed to know my anxieties, and before even I knew them, he was right there, helping me overcome them. His soft and tender words, touch, and presence was everything I’d ever needed, and I didn’t know how to tell him any of that.

The bus ride home, we sat beside each other, cuddled up together. It was another quiet bus journey, we’d managed to empty the pastry section of the breakfast bar at the hotel before leaving, and then we were already on the way back to campus.

I slept most of the journey, tired from a night spent writing in my notepad. Luke seemed to tell me I had permission to keep writing it, even if the subjects were his close friends. It wasn’t like they were going to read it, and—something about it told me that I was seeing something he wasn’t, especially when they sat beside each other.

Luke nudged me awake and seeing his big smiling face as the first thing was always the best way to wake up. I wanted to do it every single day. “We’re back,” he said in a whisper. “I just got a text from Julia that your present arrived, so if you want, you can come back with me, or and this is what I’d prefer, but I can bring it over to you.”

“Why?”

“It’s big,” he said. “If you open it at the house, you might be tempted to leave it, and the idea was to give you something to have with you when you’re not with me.”

He wasn’t convincing me that this wasn’t some silicone body with special attachment zones. “You don’t have to convince me,” I said, stroking the side of his face. “I need to get home so I can be in my—safe space for a little bit.”

“Safe space,” he whispered, looking around as his teammates began walking off the bus. “I thought I was your safe space.”

“You are, I mean, my own space, which is the safest of all because it’s just me,” I said. “And you’re invited into it, of course, especially when you have presents for me.”

“And, don’t forget, you promised me an invite to play when we won.”

I nodded. “You wanna come over today and play?” I asked. “I know you’re busy.”

“Today is actually the perfect day,” he said. “I’ll unpack at home, get your gift ready, and bring over the projector as well, because I know how much you love seeing the stars with it.”

My eyes could’ve popped right out of my skull with excitement. “Seriously? Yes, please. Can I have it for the night?”

“Sure,” he said, kissing my forehead. “Ok. Let’s get off this bus.”

I couldn’t really think about anything else other than what the gift was going to be. There were so many ideas, and I had the biggest imagination, so I had to limit myself on them, otherwise I’d be severely disappointed.

From campus, we walked back into Maplehaven together where we had to split so I could head home and Luke could go back to the Icehouse, but I knew he wasn’t going to be there long because he was coming over to play—and I was under prepared for playtime with Daddy.

Once home, I interacted for a nice, allotted amount of time with Donna, Tara, Elliot, and Sam who asked how the event was, and I gave them a very brief rundown and the headline was, we won , which they already knew.

It didn’t matter that my room was in a house I was living in temporarily, because I could make any space mine and feel comfortable in it, providing there was lock on the door and I wasn’t going to be disturbed by anyone. I hoped, prayed, and had my fingers crossed for an extra wish of luck that nobody would disturb me while I played. That was less of an issue here, because everyone kept to themselves, and I hadn’t integrated into their friend group. I wondered what the roommates thought about me, maybe they imagined me as being too busy and social for them, or the recluse that I was.

Climbing out of my clothes like they were an itchy layer of skin that needed to shed so I could bloom and blossom into the little I was needed to be. I climbed straight into a onesie I found in the floordrobe of clothes. It was white and covered in blue and red stars.

“Daddy’s coming soon to play,” I giggled to myself. The room needed a clean, but I was no longer in adult mode, and so I just shoved all the clothes in the wardrobe which cleared up a bunch of space for more activities on the floor.

It was around an hour later when a call flashed on my phone and Daddy was requesting I come down to see him. He was just in time. I’d finished preparing. All my teddies sat in a ring around the middle of the room where I had crayons, paper, and a collapsable basket of yarn to play with.

I wrapped myself in a bathrobe, mostly to hide the onesie, before I went to answer the front door. Through the frosted glass window, I could make out his shadow and something else largely consuming his shadow.

My gift. A bloop sounded from my stomach, the nervous bubbles popped. My guess was locked in, but now I was second-guessing it. This clearly wasn’t a replica model of him.

At the door, a giant teddy bear sucked in at the center from where Daddy’s hands were clenching it. He peered from the side to see me. “Are you gonna invite me in?”

I gasped. “Are you a vampire?”

“I think you might be with the way you—” He paused, seemingly seeing someone in the hallway behind me.

The teddy was nearly as tall as him. I didn’t know how it would ever fit in my bed. Although, I would absolutely try. Daddy came into the house with it, squeezed through the front door. He had a plastic grocery bag on his wrist too, swinging around with rustling thuds as it collided with everything.

“Congrats on the game,” Elliot said as we passed them in the dining room.

“Thanks,” he called back, hauling the teddy up the stairs behind me to my room.

Alone in my room, the three of us; me, Daddy, and the enormous teddy.

“I love it,” I said, nearly falling over my feet to hug and kiss him. “I can’t believe you bought me something this big.”

He picked me up and gently placed me on the teddy. It was going to help replace the want for Daddy’s body in my bed during the night. “I brought some things from the convenience store, and—” he pulled a backpack off and around a shoulder. “I brought the projector, and some stuff, in case you wanted it.”

“What stuff?”

He showed me inside the bag. “It’s just some of my clothes and older team stuff that. I saw someone say that guys in relationships together can share wardrobe, and I really like seeing you in my jerseys. So, I wanted to bring some older ones over. And also a couple of things that smell like me, assuming you don’t wash them, but—”

This was his first time in a relationship and being a Daddy. He was doing such a good job at both of them. “Yes, please. Anything that smells like you, I want.”

“I also brought the cologne I wear so you can spray it on the bear,” he said. “But I’ll have to take that back with me, I don’t want to lose my smell. It’s what helps you find me on campus, right?”

I nodded. “Yes.”

“Good. And I brought snacks. You mentioned you like juice boxes, so I grabbed a multipack and I also brought cookies, as well as that leftover cake from last night. I figured you’d enjoyed it more than me. If Julia had seen it, it would’ve been in the trash.”

The cake had been amazing, happy to have more of that considering we hadn’t finished it yesterday. I was impressed with his listening skills, especially to know I loved apple juice, specifically from the carton, and with the little straw they provided on the side of the box.

“I think I might’ve distracted you from the plans,” he said. “So, can you show me how you like to play?”

“I set up a circle,” I said. “I don’t think there’s a lot of room though for my new friend.” I wiggled my bum into the teddy. “It’s so big, maybe it won’t fit on my bed.”

“You can always sleep on him,” he said. “I’m sure he’s really comfy, but obviously not as comfy as me.”

That was true, nothing could compare to the touch of Daddy’s skin under my face, and the way I could hear his heartbeat go fast or the way it sounded when he chuckled. But the teddy bear would do when I couldn’t give him a hug.

“Did everyone see you carry this from the house?” I asked him.

“Oh yeah, I think I saw every single person who lives in Maplehaven. But I wanted them to see. I wanted them to know I’ve got the most sweet boyfriend and he deserves more than just an oversized teddy bear, but this was all I could manage to show that love.”

I leapt from the teddy back into his arms. He was so strong, I felt so safe in his arms, almost like he would protect me from the world in them.

We eventually got to play together as I introduced him to my little play style. I knew some littles went for full immersion into the play, but I didn’t regress as young as some people I’d played with before. There was a club in Manhattan I’d been to once, and it was all I needed. It wasn’t for me.

The constellation light show from the projector played on the ceiling and I had cartoon reruns of the Powerpuff Girls on. The bright pastels and color scheme was one of my favorites, so appealing to have on in the background.

Daddy colored in the pages with me, telling me I was doing a good job, and then offering me my juice box. He held it and even squeezed gently so I didn’t have to suck too hard through the straw. He smiled so much with me, it gave me the warm head pats and body strokes I deserved as a good boy.

“I want to make plans with you,” he said.

“Yes please.” I stopped my coloring in to look at him. “What kind of plans?”

“There’s a nearby ranch close to this town, and they have these animals there you can pet, like goats and stuff. Wilde Ranch, I think. They’re near Pineberry Falls, have you been?”

I shook my head. “I think you mentioned it once before.”

“I did, yeah. I went once during winter with the team. They have this lake there that freezes all the way over and you can skate on it.”

Throught a dramatic and long gasp, my mouth opened wide. “That’s dangerous.”

“It’s not, it’s fine, I promise. And you’d be with me,” he said.

“I’d only go if you were holding me, but you saw the way I fell that one time.”

He cooed at me, reaching out for my knees, but laid on the bedroom floor, he could only touch the back of them. “They’re all healed now though,” he said. “I’ve seen them plenty since then. I know they’re fine.”

“I do like the idea of a petting zoo,” I said. “But I do prefer warmer things.”

“Well, that brings me to another thing, a couple miles from Pineberry Falls, closer to the state border is another town I went to last winter. Snowflake Springs. They don’t have any large frozen lakes, but they do have natural hot springs and some mountains people go to for winter sports.”

“Oo that sounds fun.”

“I want to share these things with you. I want to make memories.”

“Have you already made plans?”

He shook his head. “I wanted to make sure you didn’t already have plans yet. I usually do something over winter because I don’t go home. If it’s something you’d want to do with me, we can, but if you’re going home, then—”

“I want to do them with you,” I blurted. Knowing I could tell my mom I had plans was a relief. I didn’t want to be pressured into going home during the break. “Can we do both?”

“I can plan that. A little road trip. Me, you, and—” he glanced to the large teddy. “Well, some of the smaller ones, probably.”

I’d never been on a vacation before, and that’s what he was pitching, for winter break, which was months away from now, but it meant he was really thinking about us in the long-term, and I was all giggly about the idea. A vacation, organized by Daddy, with a petting zoo, skating on a frozen lake, and then a hot spring. I couldn’t contain my excitement as I pounced on his body, pushing him into the teddy as I covered his face with kisses.

That’s just how grateful I was for him.