Page 143 of Learn Your Lesson

I didn’t have any of that in the early morning light, so I left her with a kiss on her forehead and a silent promise that I’d have something worth her time when I returned.

I’d checked on Ava, called in Uncle Mitch, let Chef Patel know that I wanted Chloe to take the day off, and then… I’d left.

It made perfect sense when I did it.

I justified my actions with excuses that felt sound. I just needed a little time to think, to work through what this meant, to know what to say when I saw her. I’d just get through practice and then I’d suddenly know what to do.

But the longer I was at the rink, the more I worked my body into the ground, the more I realized it wouldn’t stopmy mind from racing. It wouldn’t change the fact that I didn’tknowwhat all this meant or what came next.

I only knew that somewhere along the way, I’d fallen in love with Chloe Knott.

And that wasn’t a part of our agreement.

I should have stayed this morning. I should have worked through it with her. I should have confessed that I’m an idiot and that she makes me want to break every rule I’ve ever made.

But I was afraid.

I was afraid of not having control, of not being the one with everything handled.

I was afraid of repeating a past that still haunted me to this day, of hurting her, of putting her in danger somehow just by becoming involved with her.

There was so much riding on what happened next. If I confessed my feelings for her, would she even reciprocate them? Would she want what I do?

To be together?

The best-case scenario was that she would, and even that would leave a host of questions — her employment with me, her living situation, her job at the school once she was in the media limelight…

Ava.

My chest tightened at the thought of my daughter, of how this would impact her.

Because the worst-case scenario of me telling Chloe how I felt would be that shedidn’twant what I want, that I crossed a line and now she’s uncomfortable.

That now she wanted to leave.

And even if the best-case scenario happened, there was the very real possibility that Chloe and I may not work out in the long run. And then where would that leave us?

Where would that leave my daughter?

The other option was to lie to her, to say last night meant nothing, that the last fewmonthshad meant nothing.

The best-case scenariotherewould be that she agreed, that we’d laugh it off and go back to whatever kind of normal we could find after. The worst case would be that I hurt her, that she admits there’s more to it for her and she can’t continue the way we have been.

And in both situations — it was still a lie.

A lie I couldn’t live with.

A lie I wasn’t even sure I could mutter at this point.

My mind was a hot, seeping mess of thoughts like these, one whipping in before the previous thought could even pack its bags. This was what I had been so afraid of from the beginning. It was why I told myself to stay far away from her, to not entertain my desire for her.

But I had.

And that desire wasn’t born from wanting her body alone.

It was from wantingallof her.

I loved her.