Page 134 of Learn Your Lesson

I chewed the inside of my cheek for a moment, the emotion of those early years washing over me. Again, everything inside me begged to shut down, but I refused.

Iwantedto share this with Chloe.

I needed to.

“When I came here, when I was crying so hard I could barely breathe… all I could think about was how Jenny meant more to me than I ever told her.”

The confession slammed into my chest hard enough to make me pause.

“We always said we were just friends. But we werebestfriends. And we shared the same bed. And we had fun…God, did we have fun. Without Jenny, I was too serious for my own good. But she reminded me to play, tolive. I loved her, Chloe,” I said, finally turning to face her. Her eyes were glossy when I met them. “I loved her with my whole heart, and it kills me every day that I lost her. That Ava lost her. That maybe, if we would have been more careful, if she wouldn’t have gotten pregnant… she’d still be here.”

My nostrils flared, throat tightening.

“And then I feel like a monster because I know even if I could go back in time and choose that option — I wouldn’t. And neither would Jenny. Because then Ava wouldn’t be here.”

“Oh, Will…”

“Jenny would have been so much better at this than I am,” I continued on a laugh, shaking my head. “Motherhood would have just come easily to her. She never would have worried. She never would have stressed. With her, it would have just been another adventure.”

A moment of quiet passed between us, both of us watching where Ava was playing before I began to speak again.

This time, my voice shook.

“I miss her every day,” I whispered. “But I have another confession to make, one that might affirm what a terrible person I am.”

“You’re not a—”

“Because I miss her, I do,” I said, turning to face Chloe. “But I miss you more.”

Chloe’s face paled, her eyes wide, lips parting. “Me? But I’m right here.”

“No, you’re not. You haven’t been since…”

I swallowed, sucking in a breath. My voice no longer shook. It no longerworked. How did I tell her what I was still trying to figure out myself?

“Chloe, I—”

But before I could say another word, a blood-curdling scream ripped through the park.

Chloe and I both jumped up off the bench, heads snapping toward the playground.

Ava was on the ground, clutching her ankle and wailing in pain.

It all happened so fast. My heart leapt into my throat, feet turning to stone and rooting me to the spot where I stood as the worst-case scenarios played out in my head like a movie reel.

Chloe sprang into action, taking off in a sprint. She was already bending down by Ava’s side by the time I managed to take one slow-motion step.

I couldn’t breathe.

I couldn’t form a single word.

I could barely walk, could barely drag myself through the slog of invisible liquid that seemed to be holding me back from my daughter.

The closer I got, the more I saw her anguish. Her face was bright red, her hair covered in wood chips, cheeks stained with tears, and fresh ones leaking out of her eyes. She cried and cried.

She cried forme.

“Daddy! Daddy!”