Page 7

Lily

I don’t know what’s gotten into me, but when Luka and I were texting, I had the overwhelming urge to give him crap. The thought of him canceling on me caused an uneasy feeling low in my belly.

My entire body revolted against the idea of not seeing him, which is a stark contrast to the intense shock I felt when I first met him. I don’t know what changed. I don’t know if it was the conversation with my grandmother or having time to process it all.

I really don’t understand half of this, but if I have really seen how I die all these years, that means Luka Russo is somehow a part of it, and I want to know how and where he fits into the puzzle.

I adjust the heavy straps on my bookbag as I take the steps up to the library. It’s one of my favorite places on campus. I love the smell of all the old books, the bright sunlight that comes through the enormous windows in the morning, and how quiet and peaceful the whole place is.

As nerdy as it sounds, this is my happy place.

I smile when I see my favorite librarian and make my way over to her at the desk. She smiles when she sees me. “Hey there, Lily. How’s everything going?”

“Good, good, Doris. I’m meeting a friend tonight, Luka Russo. I wonder if you can point him back to my table when he gets here?” I ask.

Her eyes flash, but she quickly schools her expression. “Of course, dear. Finally got you a study partner? ”

I always come by myself, never bringing a friend or study partner, so her question isn’t out of the blue. I can’t blame her for being surprised I’m meeting someone tonight.

“Yeah, something like that. I appreciate it. I’m going to get set up before he gets here.”

She nods, and the smile on her face says she’s happy I’m not by myself tonight, even if she seemed shocked by who would be joining me. I’ve always been okay with being alone. I’m a homebody and an introvert most of the time unless I’m talking to Luka, apparently.

I make my way to my favorite table in the back of the library, where most of the books in my area of study are. It’s the medical section, and it’s filled with hundreds of books that will help me learn all about my future career.

I set my bag down and then pull out my pencils, notebooks, calendar, and blank study sheets, spreading them all out across the table. I go through my bag one more time to make sure I have everything I need and find my highlighters. Can’t forget those! They make my study sheets so much prettier because I like to color-code everything. It helps me scan the sheets for information related to a certain topic.

Some people may think all the work I go through to create my study sheets is too much, but it all saves me time in the end because I have a way to quickly reference each sheet and find what I need without endless searches. It also helps to organize it all in my brain.

I look at my watch and note that it’s precisely six o’clock, when I told Luka to meet me here. I turn to look toward the entrance, and I’m startled to see a large, broad, and toned chest standing in front of me.

My ego isn’t big enough not to admit that a very tiny squeal leaves my lips, and I may jump a bit. Sighing in relief when I get my wits about me, I stand to greet him.

“Well, look what we have here.”

He lifts his hands out to the side dramatically. “Told ya I’d surprise ya.”

I laugh and playfully slap his stomach, but my hand touches his very hard, very rigid abs. My cheeks immediately turn red from embarrassment. Why the heck did I think to touch this man’s stomach? I mean, it would have been his chest, but he’s too tall, and that might have been awkward.

Right. Like this wasn’t awkward. I inwardly groan, wishing I could facepalm myself, but that would give away that I feel like a jackass. What in the world has gotten into me?!?

He looks just as surprised as I do when he looks down at my hand that’s still on his freaking stomach! I snatch it away quickly before clearing my throat and turning toward our study table.

“Yeah, well, when you said you might surprise me, I didn’t realize that meant you were going to scare the Bejesus out of me! So, thanks for that.”

He chuckles as he moves to sit directly across from me. “You know, I’ve never understood that saying. What in the world does Bejesus mean?” He pulls out a notebook and laptop and places it on the table alongside my study material. “Obviously, the context is clear, but the literal meaning is lost to me. Where did it originate and why?”

I smile. There are lots of things people say every day, and they have no idea where they came from or why. They only know and understand how it’s used. It amuses me that his mind wanders to things like that because mine does, too, which is exactly why I know the answer to his question.

“Originally, it meant by Jesus. It was a common oath used in the 1800’s. Later, it was shortened to Bejesus. Now it means to scare someone so badly they can’t even utter an oath.” Giving him the side-eye, I quirk a brow, which only earns a smirk.

I fully look up from my blank study guide and find his playful gaze turning more curious. “Are you a walking encyclopedia or something?”

I prickle at the question. He said nothing wrong, but I’ve been called a lot of names over the years, and nerd is one of the nicer ones. For some reason, I don’t want him to see me that way—as a walking encyclopedia.

Smart? Yes. Capable? Definitely. But…

Please don’t look at me like that nerdy little girl that no one wants to be around unless by force.

I straighten in my seat and clear my throat, my tone a bit more clipped than I mean for it to be. “Well, you asked, didn’t you? ”

Luka’s smile widens. “Yeah, but I didn’t actually expect you to know the answer off the top of your head.”

I shrug. “You thought to ask the question, so it stands to reason other people would ask the same question at some point. I’m one of those people. I like random facts. When I have a random, spacy thought like that, I just look it up right then.” I shift away from him and turn to dig through my bag. I don’t need anything out of it since I already have everything set up, but it gives me a moment to collect myself.

People have always made fun of me because I spit out random facts when I’m uncomfortable— so basically, all the time . It gets really old being told how weird you are, and even the thought of Luka thinking and saying those things makes my chest tighten.

His eyes and smile soften. “I think it’s cool as hell how damn smart you are, Lily. Thanks for the random fact of the day. I'll have to pass it on.”

My eyes widen, but I look away quickly to hide my shock. Goosebumps spread across my forearms at the use of my name, and the small smile playing on his lips sends a flutter through my chest.

“Really?” I risk looking back up at him before I use his phrasing to counter his compliment out of nervousness. “Most people think it’s nerdy , and not in the cute way.”

His face scrunches as he scoffs. “Yeah, well, that’s probably because they’re dumbasses and not in the fixable way .” I grin at his return play on words, using my phrasing to counter the insult. “And yes, I really do think it’s cool. That isn’t the first time I’ve wondered about it, but it’s the first time I’ve mentioned it, and someone has answered. Now, I’ll never forget it.”

My smile matches his, and we sit there for several long moments, staring at each other. His gray eyes pull me in, causing my heart to race but my body to settle.

It’s the strangest feeling ever, but I don’t hate it. I search his eyes for answers I know I won’t find yet, but I do it anyway. Why him? What does my dream mean? And how is Luka Russo involved?

“Do I have something on my face?” He rubs at his cheek.

Ah! Don’t be weird, Lily.

I shake my head clear. “Sorry, no. You just remind me of someone, or some thing is a better way to describe it.” My eyebrows pull together.

“You said that when we first met, but I don’t remember ever meeting you,” he says.

I shake my head. “No, we haven’t met. I’m surprised by that since I’ve known your sister for so long, but it sounds like you’re a busy guy.” I’ve wondered how we’ve gone this long without meeting each other and if meeting him earlier would have changed my dream at all. It’s all too much to make sense of.

“That’s true. I travel a lot with the team, and if I wasn’t traveling, I was focused on my classes. I’ve basically been in survival mode for three years, which doesn’t leave a lot of room for much else.”

That makes sense. “Well, it’s nice to meet the famous brother finally. She talks about you all the time, you know?”

There’s a genuine smile on his face when he answers. “She’s a pretty cool sister. I’m lucky to have her.”

That reminds me of why we’re here. “Did you bring your class syllabus?”

“Yeah, I have them all here.” He leans down and pulls a wad of crinkled papers out of his bag. He tries to flatten them on the table before handing them to me, but he’s unsuccessful in that endeavor. I giggle at the mess he hands me. “I think I have an extra folder you can use.”

He smiles halfheartedly. “That might be helpful.” He grows silent as he shifts side to side, his affable demeanor from before gone.

I don’t know what happened. Maybe it’s his nerves about this whole tutoring thing, or maybe I just freaked him out again with how weird I am. Regardless, I choose to ignore it and push through, leading us to spend the next fifteen minutes looking over everything and choosing where to start first.

“What class do you struggle with the most?” I want to know what our top priority should be. If I have a clear picture of where he is struggling, we can dive right in.

“All of them, except math.”

I look up from one of his syllabuses. “What do you mean all of them? ”

I’m a little taken aback by his answer. I want to help him, but if he’s struggling in all of his classes, simple tutoring isn’t anywhere near what he needs, and I worry I won’t have the time. I thought we were looking at a class or two, not most of his studies.

He sits back in his chair, crosses his arms, and looks off to the side. His knee bounces up and down under the table. I only know because he’s bumped into it twice, and the force shook the table both times. It’s painfully obvious that he’s embarrassed.

Luka continues to look away as he speaks. “I mean, the only class I enjoy and isn’t a struggle is math. I did a little better over the summer, but apparently, that wasn’t good enough.”

Oh, man, this is so much worse than I thought. Of course, I would never, ever say that to him because I know he’s not stupid. I can tell just from the little interaction I’ve had with him. He isn’t a typical jock either. He hasn’t made one inappropriate joke with me, and that says something.

He isn’t stupid. Why is he having so much trouble? That question plays in my head as I go through his papers and look at the assignments on his list for this semester. Thankfully, Luka is in classes I’ve already taken.

At my age, I should be a junior, but I’m a senior. Luka is still working through a lot of the core classes even though he’s a senior, with two classes focused on his major in business.

“What is it about math that you find to be easier?” I’m curious to understand the difference between math and his other classes.

He shrugs. “It’s always been the one that makes the most sense to me. I can see the numbers and equations better in my head than anything else. I hate word problems in math though. I wish they’d just stick to basic math equations. Reading and language arts are the worst for me. I can’t make heads or tails of it.”

“Any idea why?” I ask out loud.

“Nope. If all my classes were any kind of math—geometry, algebra, calculus, whatever it is—I wouldn’t have much issue passing them. It’s the only fucking class I enjoy. ”

That makes me sad because I love school so much. It’s hard to wrap my head around someone dreading school. I hate that it’s been so hard for him, and the need to help him roars to life.

“What do you like to read?”

“I don’t have time for much outside of school, but if I get to choose, I like to read graphic novels. I like the action in them, and the pictures help with comprehension.”

I nod along with him. “I like those, too, but I’ll read anything I can get my hands on.”

His smile is timid. “I can see that.” He watches me intently before continuing. “I’ve never enjoyed it. Even when I was little, Stella was the one who would read to us at night. We would huddle together in one of our beds after deciding which one it would be with an intense game of rock, paper, scissors. I would fall asleep listening to her read out loud.”

I smile big at the image that pops in my head of the two of them fighting over which bed to fall asleep in.

“Is that what you do now? Audiobooks?”

His eyebrows scrunch together in a cute arch, forming wrinkles between them. “I haven’t tried that and didn’t even consider it as an option.”

I jump up from my chair in excitement and rush over to one of the books on the shelf. I bring it back and sit it down in front of him. I open it up to the first chapter and point down to the corner of the book.

He leans down to look at what I’m pointing at. It’s a picture of a microphone with a QR code next to it. “Most textbooks now have an audio option. Hart U has one of the largest inventories of audiobooks for a college. I think you might really like this as a better option for you.”

He stares in amazement at the little microphone in the corner of the page. “Are you serious? All this time? I could have been listening to these damn textbooks?” He isn’t really asking, but I answer him anyway.

“Better late than never. ”

“Lily, I don’t think you understand how hard it is for me to sit down, read something, and comprehend what I’ve read. It sometimes takes me hours to read the same passage and comprehend it. This is incredible.”

“Does that mean you want to give it a try?” I bite my lip with a playful smile.

I’m speechless when the largest smile I’ve seen on him yet graces his face. His eyes light up, and there is an indescribable excitement radiating from his body. He simply nods and pulls a chair out next to him for me to sit in.

He wants me to sit next to him?

I swallow hard and walk around to sit next to him. We spend the next twenty minutes downloading the app, setting up an account, and sampling an audio clip from one of the textbooks.

“I really think this will help me. Thank you for showing it to me,” he says genuinely.

If he takes nothing else from this session, I’m glad he has that. “I’m so happy to hear it! I can check to see if there are audio options for the other books for your classes.”

He shakes his head. “No, you don’t have to do that. I can. I already feel stupid for not knowing that this existed. You’ve already helped me, and we haven’t even really started.”

I smile and drop my head because of how warm my cheeks are from his compliment. It feels good to help. Really dang good.

“What do you want to do when you graduate?” I ask, wanting to know more about the man sitting next to me.

He shrugs a shoulder. “I don’t know. All I’ve thought about for years is hockey. A business degree seemed like the one that fit me the most and would give me the flexibility to decide what I want to do once hockey is over. But honestly? I wouldn’t mind doing something with my hands. It feels more natural to be outside working or fixing something that’s broken.”

It makes sense. A lot of kids, especially athletes, pursue a business degree, and it works out for them. However, I also get where he’s coming from with wanting to have a trade career. It also makes me more curious to know what excites Luka Russo.

“Is hockey your passion? What about the NHL after you graduate?”

“It’s my only passion. It’s what I live and breathe for. All the rest of this is an inconvenience I would rather not deal with. However, in order to play, I have to keep my grades up. As for the NHL, it would be a dream to be drafted, and it’s definitely my goal, but I need a backup plan other than going back to my parent’s house after graduation.”

His answer leaves me a little stunned. I have never thought of school as an inconvenience. I have only ever thought of it as my refuge. Just because I don’t quite understand it doesn’t mean it’s not important.

I can also understand his fear of the unknowns with the draft. I know by reputation alone that he’s a great hockey player, but that doesn’t always guarantee someone a shot at going pro. So much could happen between now and then.

“What about you? Pediatrics, right? Are you going for passion, prestige, or survival?”

I smile. “Yep, pediatrics, and it’s passion all the way. It’s the idea and promise that I’ll one day be able to help children. It’s been my dream since I was little, and I can’t wait until that dream is achieved.”

“That’s pretty incredible, you know that? And with as smart as you are, you’d do great. Any kid would be lucky to have you take care of them.”

Luka smiles, and my chest squeezes so tight that I think I might stop breathing. I ask my next question just to take the attention off me. “Have you always wanted to play?”

“Since I was old enough to stand on skates and hold my twig.” A large smirk grows on his face when he watches mine turn to confusion.

“A twig?” My brows furrow. “How the heck do you play hockey with a twig?”

Luka chuckles. “Ah, I thought this may be a one-sided deal here, where you taught me everything. I figured I wouldn’t teach you anything since there seemed to be no reason, but maybe the one thing I know the most about is something I can teach you. If you’re interested, that is.”

A playful smile pulls at the corners of his mouth, and his cheeks have rounded in the most adorable way. He also has a little dimple on the right side that I want nothing more than to reach out and touch. Of course, I don’t do that because it would be weird.

I’ve already hit my weird quota with this one. If I exceed it, he’ll probably go running for the hills. I firmly place my hands down in my lap and smile because he has me there. I know absolutely nothing about hockey.

He leans in next to me. The movement brings him closer and into the light that’s hanging right above the table. His eyes practically glow, and I feel shivers run down my spine. I can see an orb of amber around his pupils and flecks of white all around the amber.

The white flecks and deep amber color are just as vivid here and now as they are in my dream. A calmness rushes over me, and I lean forward as well.

“Do you want to know what it is?” he asks.

Honestly, I can’t even remember what my question was. His eyes fascinate me to the point of losing all train of thought. I continue to stare at him as he leans even closer.

“ Hmm?” is my only response. His proximity is sending my neurons into overdrive. His scent wraps around me in a mixture of sweet pine, cedar, and something else that I can’t place.

His voice drops low, and a slow, sexy smirk takes over his face. “My twig is one of my most important pieces of equipment . It’s long, hard, and very, very powerful.”

My mouth closes, and my eyes narrow as I swallow hard . Is he talking about what I think he’s talking about? My core tightens at the thought of his “twig” and just how long and hard it might be.

I bite my bottom lip as my hips roll slightly in my seat, and my core clenches. He watches the movement, his eyes dilating slightly.

“Do you know what my twig is, Lily?” His voice is low and husky when I don’t reply.

I think I know, but there’s no way I’m saying it out loud. Instead of admitting to all the dirty thoughts I may or may not be having about Luka Russo, I shake my head .

His smirk grows impossibly big, and my cheeks turn even pinker. “Oh, come on, Sweet Lily . You’re smart enough to know what I’m talking about.” I shift in my seat because of how intensely uncomfortable and turned on I am.

Luka simply leans back in his chair, spreading his legs wide and placing one arm on the back of the chair in a way that seems to beckon me. His knee bumps into mine and goosebumps break out across my skin again at the contact. This man’s bicep bulges, and his giant body and broad shoulders are practically swallowing the chair whole.

Oh my , for all that is holy.

I can’t lie and say that I don’t think Luka Russo is one of the hottest guys I’ve ever met, but at this moment? At this moment, he is the holy grail of hotness, and that devilish smirk still on his face tells me he knows it.

I work to close my mouth and stop squirming in my seat. I school my features and avert my eyes back down at the papers in front of me. He may be hot, and he may hold the key to unlocking my dream, but I won’t give him the satisfaction of knowing he gets to me.

Suddenly, it clicks, and I slam my palm down on the table, the noise reverberating around the quiet library. “Your stick! You’re talking about your dang hockey stick!”

Luka laughs loudly and wholeheartedly. “Of course, Lily. What on Earth did you think I was talking about?”

His teasing laugh is infectious, and I find myself laughing right along with him. I’m an idiot! Of course, he was talking about his hockey stick and not… Well, you know.

“I knew you were talking about your stick the whole time!” I say too loudly.

“ Shhh ! Remember where you are. Please keep your voice down!” Doris chastises. She stands a few tables down from us and must have heard us all the way from the front of the library.

My cheeks heat, and I immediately feel embarrassed. “I’m so sorry! We promise to be quieter.”

She tentatively smiles before nodding and returning to the desk in front of the entrance doors .

I turn toward Luka and give him a playful scowl. “You’re getting me in trouble, Russo.”

He places his hand on his heart and bats his eyelashes. “Me? No, I would never do such a thing.”

I roll my eyes. “Mmhmm. Right. I don’t believe you.”

Luka leans toward me, lowering his voice to a more reasonable decibel and bringing us back to our conversation before we were interrupted. “ Hmm. I think I know exactly what you were thinking about, Lily McKenna, and I think you liked thinking about it.”

His voice is a soft caress, and his eyes once again pull me in. I blink once, then twice, to break the spell.

“You’re ridiculous. You, Luka Russo, are only an acquaintance, and I would never think about such a thing with an acquaintance,” I whisper defiantly.

He quirks his left eyebrow, and that small dimple in his right cheek deepens from the smile he tries to hold back. “We’ll see about that, Miss McKenna. I have a feeling I’m making my way up the ranks already.”