Page 42

Lily

I put my pencil down on the paper after finishing the last question. Relief washes through me when I’m done with my last final of the semester. It’s been a week of testing and turning in final assignments. I’m usually a little sad that classes are over, but not this time. This time, I’m ready to have a break.

I take my paper and stand before grabbing my things and taking the test to the front of the classroom to drop it off with my chemistry professor.

“All done, Ms. McKenna?” he asks quietly while other students are still working.

“Yes, sir.”

“Well, in that case, it was a pleasure teaching you. Have a wonderful break and see you after the new year!”

My stomach sinks at his words, but my smile widens. “You, too, Professor Hall.”

I turn and make my way out of the classroom, through the maze of halls, and finally, I push open the double doors to the outside. The frosty Massachusetts air immediately stings my face and throat, but I welcome the reminder that I’m still alive and breathing.

There aren’t many students roaming around campus right now. Most have finished for the week, but a few of us, including Luka, still had finals on the last day of school. I pull out my phone, turn it on, and check the time.

Luka’s final started later than mine, so he’s most likely still in class. However, on the off chance he gets done early, I want to make sure I can take his call. He has come such a long way and worked so hard to get here. I can’t wait to hear how it went.

I power on my phone, and before I can check the time, it rings in my hand. It’s my dad.

“Dad?” I say. It isn’t like him to call me this time of day, and when I hear his voice, I know my gut reaction is right. I know something is wrong .

“Lily, honey. Where are you?”

“What happened? What’s wrong?” I ask.

“Are you done with your classes?” he asks, avoiding my question.

My eyebrows furrow in confusion and mounting worry. “Yes. I just got out. Is everything okay?” I ask again. Something in his tone screams to me something is very, very wrong.

“It’s Grandma May.”

My ears ring, and my vision swims as he tells me they rushed Grandma May to the hospital. Jack found her unconscious in her living room chair when he came by the house to do some chores for her. They aren’t sure how long she was there before Jack found her. The doctors think it was a stroke, but they’re still running tests.

“Which hospital?” I ask as I try to hold it together long enough to get the information I need.

Dad quickly relays all the information I need for a hospital near Rochester. My feet instantly move toward the school parking lot before I can fully process everything he’s told me so far.

“They don’t know how much longer she’ll be here. I’m so sorry. When can you get here?”

I answer without hesitation or second thought. “I’m on my way. I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

“Drive safe, honey. Call me when you’re close.”

“Love you, Dad.”

“Love you, too, Lily. I’ll see you soon.”

When I end the call, the weight of everything crashes down on me. My heart feels like it’s shattered in two, and my chest is so tight I can hardly breathe. A strangled cry leaves my lips as I spin in a full circle, trying to figure out what to do next and where to go. Halfway to the parking lot, I remember that my car isn’t here. It’s still at my apartment complex across campus because I’ve been terrified to drive it.

I figure I can’t die in a car accident if I don’t actually drive my car. What am I going to do? Even if I run across campus to get my car, I still have to drive all the way to Rochester.

“Lily?” I don’t recognize the voice at first because my distracted mind is nothing more than tortured chaos.

“Are you okay?”

I turn to see Rowan standing on the other side of the bench in the walkway between the science building and lecture hall. He sees my face and moves around the bench, taking me by the elbows.

“What happened?”

“My grandmother,” I sputter.

“Is she okay?” he asks with concern.

“No,” I breathe. “I need to go to her, but I don’t have my car here.”

“I can take you.”

“I… I… No, I need to…” I trail off because I need to get to my grandmother, and the only way to do that is to get in a car.

“It’s okay. I can drive you, Lily. Let me do that for you, for Luka,” he says patiently.

“I don’t know if I can do this,” I whisper. My throat feels like it clogs, and my vision swims.

Rowan reaches out to steady me. “Yes, you can, but it sounds like we need to go. Can I take you?”

I give a single nod since I have no other choice. I can’t not go, which means I need to get in the freaking car. I close my eyes and pray we can make it to my grandmother in time and in one piece .

He takes my elbow and leads me to his car. I look up at the sun as it hits its peak for the day. A feeling of dread makes its way through me, its tentacles wrapping around my body one by one .

I dig my heels in. Rowan turns back to look at me, and we stop in the middle of the walkway, the parking lot just in front of us. I don’t know if the dread is coming from the fact that my grandmother is dying or the fear of getting into a car right now.

“Where’s Luka?” I ask, even though I already know the answer to that. At least, I did. Somehow, I can’t seem to remember what the answer is.

“He’s taking his final. I’ll get a hold of him as soon as he gets out to let him know where you are.”

I nod like I understand, but nothing really makes sense right now. It feels like I’m disconnected from my body. Rowan gently guides me to his car before opening the passenger door for me. I stare at the seat like it might eat me alive if I sit on it, but when Rowan gently pushes me forward, I go without resistance.

I don’t have a choice. I pull the seatbelt tightly across my chest and belly. My hands shake as I try to put the latch plate in the buckle several times before actually securing it together.

Rowan is already in the driver’s seat. When he cranks the car, I feel like I might get sick. The feeling of dread intensifies. I slam my eyes shut, trying to breathe through the nausea.

“What’s the name of the hospital?” he asks as he holds his phone out, ready to type it in.

I rattle off the name quickly, and he nods. “Got it.”

He pulls out of the parking lot and onto the road while I sit there, trying not to lose the contents of my stomach.

I can do this. I can do this. I can do this.

It feels like forever, but my heart finally calms a bit, and my stomach stops swirling. My hands still shake, clammy from stress, so I massage them for something to do—a distraction of sorts.

“It’ll be okay, Lily. I’ll get you to her.” Rowan’s words are meant to be a comfort, and in some ways, they are.

“Thank you. I don’t know what I would’ve done if you couldn’t take me,” I say sincerely. It was like he was in the right place at just the right time.

“No problem. Anyone important to Luka is important to me.”

At the mention of Luka, I pull my phone out of my pocket and look at the screen. It’s 1:45 p.m., so I hope he’s close to finishing his final, but there’s no way for me to know. I type out a quick message, explaining what happened and that I’m with Rowan. I just pray he sees it as soon as he gets out. Rowan said he would get a hold of Luka, but I have a powerful need to make sure he knows where I am.

I share my location with Luka as the tug in my chest amplifies. I double-check then triple-check that it’s sharing properly before putting my phone away and turning to look out the window as the city streets fly by.

Rowan has soft music playing in the otherwise silent car. I don’t think he knows what to say, so I take pity on him and try to start a conversation. “How did your finals go?”

He turns his head toward me, only briefly taking his eyes off the road before looking ahead again. “Good, I guess. I’m glad it’s over, so we can focus on hockey for a minute.”

I give a small smile. “Yeah, Luka has been saying the same thing. He really worked his butt off this semester, and he’s ready to take it easy for a minute and just focus on hockey.”

“With the semifinals and championship coming up, we need all our focus on that. It’s our last shot, you know?”

“You guys are playing so well, though. Keep it up, and the championship is yours,” I say with confidence.

They’ve had an exceptionally good season, and there’s no reason why they won’t make it if they keep it up. They have a handful of games left.

“Thanks. Lily. Also, I don’t think I ever thanked you for helping Luka so much this year. You’ve been a godsend to him, and as his best friend and fellow teammate, I can say without a doubt that the whole team appreciates what you’ve done for him. ”

I blush at his compliment. “He did all the work, not me.”

Rowan shakes his head. “Without you, he wouldn’t have done as well . It wouldn’t have been enough to keep him on the team. Don’t cut yourself short. He’ll be pissed if he finds out you are.”

I smile because Rowan is right. Luka would be pissed.

“Well, then, let’s keep that between the two of us.” I smile at him and then look out the windshield. I’ve been distracted by our conversation and haven’t paid attention to where we are.

No, No, No. My eyes widen.

I would recognize that bridge anywhere! This cannot be happening! I’m always alone in my dream! How ? How is it possible!? My eyes find the clock on the dashboard, and my heart plummets when I see the time.

2:14 p.m.

“Stop the car!” I scream as pure terror consumes me. All I can think is that I’m too late. I wasn’t paying enough attention, and now it’s too late! The bridge quickly approaches.

“ What? Oh, shit! ” Rowan yells as he jerks the steering wheel hard to the right when a deer runs out in front of the car. We miss it by only a few inches, but it’s too late. The overcorrection spins the car.

I close my eyes, screaming as my premonition plays out in real life. The seatbelt locks down on my chest, and the car goes airborne. For a few brief moments, I hear nothing until the car crashes to the earth. The roof hits the asphalt with enough force that it feels like we slammed into a brick wall. Now come all the familiar and terrifying noises that have haunted me for months now as the fatal symphony plays in real-time in my ears.

Tiny shards of glass from the now broken windshield pepper my face, creating tiny puncture wounds all the way up to large cuts. The car continues to skid along the road, metal screeching and crunching under the weight of the one-and-a-half-ton car sliding across the road like a toy.

Crushed metal pins my arms, and the passenger door isn’t where it’s supposed to be. It’s crushed into my side. I scream again as the car continues to spin, and then I panic even more when I realize I can’t hear Rowan .

“Rowan? Rowan! Rowan!” I scream his name, trying to free myself enough to see if he’s still in the driver’s seat.

Oh, God! What if he went out the windshield?

This can’t not be happening, not now! Not today!

Yes, it is. It is happening.

The car slams into the guardrail, and a blood-curdling scream tears its way out of me. A deep burn takes up residence in my chest, my screaming only making it worse.

I feel a moment of relief when I hear Rowan scream my name, but that relief is short-lived as the car pitches forward again. The seatbelt tightens across my chest again, and when I open my eyes, I see the cold water below us.

The car is hanging on for dear life with the back end caught on the metal guardrails. I move my feet, trying to find purchase on anything that will give me a sense of stability, but it’s useless. My arms are still pinned to my sides, and when I hear metallic popping and cracking, all I can do is close my eyes again and pray.

“ Hang on, Lily! Hold your breath !”

Rowan’s command is the last thing I hear before the final part of the shredded guardrail holding the car back from the icy waters below snaps, and that feeling of falling invades my senses. My body feels weightless, suspended in time.

Then, the car plunges into the river.

My face scrunches in anticipation right before we hit the water. His gray eyes. They’re the color of smoke, with amber surrounding the pupil and flecks of white running through them. They find me, and I find comfort in them as the icy-cold water surrounds me.

This is it. This is how I die.