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Lily

T he scent of burnt rubber fills my nose and sears its way to fill my lungs, making it hard to breathe. My body jolts forward, and I’m the tiniest fraction of a second from smashing into the steering wheel, but the seatbelt locks tightly and wrenches me back roughly.

The screech of the tires trying to find purchase on the road rings loudly in my ears. The rear end fishtails and spins uncontrollably.

I scream as glass shatters everywhere, the tiny shards pricking and slashing at my cheeks, nose, and mouth. I try to raise my arm to protect my face, but I can’t move them. They feel pinned to my sides.

Gravity seems suspended for a brief moment as the car goes airborne. When it crashes back to earth, it rolls once before landing on the roof. The vehicle grinds on its top across the concrete, metal crunching and scraping the hard surface.

Or so I thought.

Just as everything slows, and I think it’s over, I get the feeling of weightlessness again as my stomach pitches as if I just drove over a sharp hill. The pressure from the seatbelt is so great right now that it feels like it might have broken my ribs and bruised my stomach, but it keeps me in place. My heartbeat thumps wildly in my ears, and I can hear the swish of my blood as it pumps viciously through my veins.

My breath catches when my body pitches violently forward again, and the faint sound of splashing hits my ears. The car rolls over yet again, and it’s right side up now, but it feels like it’s bobbing .

The tiny shards of glass are replaced by wind, and I smell blood and water as the cold air stings my lacerated cheeks and whips my hair around to slap me painfully in my face.

I scream, and when I inhale to do it again, that same cold night air burns my lungs. The tightness across my chest becomes excruciating. I beg for help as I will my body to cooperate with me, but like all the times before, it doesn’t.

My pleas for help fall on deaf ears.

The car frame groans as I moan in pain and fight to free myself. I can’t see anything, and I don’t know if my eyes are swollen shut, if something is obscuring my view, or if glass got in them and blinded me.

My fingers wiggle, and I discover I can move my wrists, but my arms are currently useless. I continue to struggle to break free, but my efforts stop the moment I register the sensation of freezing water surrounding my feet.

I gasp as I realize the sound of splashing had been my vehicle plunging into a body of water. The bobbing sensation is me floating here, moments from sinking. And since the windows are broken out now, this will happen quickly.

I kick my feet and hear the swish of the water. It splashes my ankles, the frigid temperature making it feel like needles are being shoved into my skin. Unfortunately, the water level quickly rises, and soon, the cold bites my calves as it quickly moves up my legs.

Before I can even think of a way to free myself, the water reaches my waist. My teeth chatter so hard I think they might break. I scream for help one last time, but even more quickly than before, water races up my chest and neck as it pours in through the busted-out side windows. I manage one last shaky breath before the water swallows me whole.

I last as long as I can, but my lungs burn relentlessly from the wreck, and my adrenaline is pumping so hard and fast that it’s eating through my small oxygen reserve.

My arms finally break free, and I manage to get my seatbelt off, but it isn’t fast enough. In what feels like an eternity, but is more likely less than thirty seconds, my body gives up, and water rushes into my mouth and nose .

My body lifts from the seat, floating lifelessly since I can’t move. I look but can’t see, yet I still feel when the darkness moves in.

My vision narrows, and before long, it all goes black.

I cry out as I sit upright in the bed, panting as my eyes find my clock out of habit.

It’s 2:14 a.m.

I scrub my hands down my face. This dream was different than the last, just as that one was different than the one before it. They come almost every night now, growing more detailed every time.

This time, I know without a doubt in my mind that I’m in a car . My heart still pounds in my chest. I reach up and gently grab the back of my neck, massaging the tension out of it. My hands move to trail down the column of my throat and onto my chest.

“Are you okay?” Luka’s gravelly tone is full of sleep as he sits up with me.

He takes one look at the state I’m in and pulls me to his chest. I sink into his warmth and soak up his comfort. I’m still trembling from the dream as my body dumps the adrenaline rush.

I’m so glad he’s here tonight to hold me together when all I feel like doing is falling apart . Luka spends what nights he can at my place. It’s become our new routine, one I cherish and look forward to on the nights when he can’t.

I close my eyes and watch the scene play like a movie. It’s fast and blurry in some places, but the pieces are clicking together one by one. A profound fear builds deep in my chest when I realize I never saw Luka’s intense gray eyes in this dream.

What does that mean? Why wasn’t he there?

“Was it a vision?” he asks when I don’t answer right away.

He continues to stroke the back of my head and draw soothing circles on my bare back. Every time he spends the night, we find ourselves tangled in the sheets and wrapped in each other’s arms, which is the only place I want to be. It’s the one place that comforts me the most.

“Yes.”

He shifts so he can see my face. His gaze is unwavering, but I see his chin dimple slightly in worry. “Has it progressed? ”

My chest aches when I take a deeper breath as if it’s sore from my dream. “I know how I die now.”

Luka goes pale, his mouth opening and closing several times as he tries and fails to speak. I reach up and place my still trembling finger over his lips. He takes my hand and kisses the back before drawing in a deep breath and slowly exhaling.

Once finished, he tries again. “How much time do we have?”

“Not long. The water was freezing cold, so we’ll be in the throes of winter.”

Winter just started, which means the accident could be anywhere between now and next year before spring starts. Regardless of how we look at it, it isn’t much time.

Luka lets out a tortured breath. “What else?”

I steady myself to recall any detail I can. It was intense and painful. It was so real that my joints ache, and my lungs still feel deprived of air.

“I’m driving in the dream, and something happens to cause me to lose control of the car. It flips and then goes over a bridge guardrail.”

I close my eyes, the sensation of falling still so vivid in my mind that I sway while sitting up in the bed to orient myself. It’s hard to say the next part out loud. To give voice to how I die.

“ Lily. ” His voice cracks, and he stops stroking my hair. His hand trembles when he brings it around to stroke my cheek. I turn my head to cradle it into his hand. He holds my cheek as he encourages me to continue. “You can do this.”

I use his strength and what little I can muster on my own to say the next part. “The car goes over the bridge guardrail and plunges into the ice-cold water below, where I sink and then only just manage to unbuckle myself when I black out and drown.”

“ Fuck. ”

“ Yeah .”

I write down every detail I can recall on a notepad, which I now keep on my nightstand for nights just like tonight. I like to analyze it all with fresh eyes in the morning.

Luka stays by my side the whole time, talking everything out with me so I don’t miss anything. He’ll never understand how much his support and presence mean to me. I vow right then and there to do everything in my power to find a way to break my curse.

It’s the only option because I refuse to give him up.