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FORD

“Finally.”

“Finally I can collect on that rain check?”

“Hell, yeah.” I flick on the lamp beside the bed, then back Andi up to the mattress and ease her onto the duvet, coming down beside her.

She turns her face so our mouths meet and surprises me by reaching for my hand.

She pulls it up and presses it to her breast.

I remember the first time we had sex, how she did that.

But now it means more.

My hand is over her heart.

I hold it there, measuring the beat of her heart, watching her face.

“You’re so beautiful.”

Her smile is luminous.

I move over her, and she pushes her elbows into the mattress and lifts her head as I nuzzle her throat, her breasts.

I nudge up her sweater, and she sits up so I can tug it off.

I admire her pretty pink lace bra.

“Matching panties?”

“What do you think?” Her eyelashes flicker with flirty seduction.

“I think we need to get this off you.” I flick the bra open and drop it over the side of the bed, and for a moment I can only gaze at her, her beautiful breasts bare for me, emotion swelling in my chest, stealing my breath.

Christ.

This woman…

is she really mine?

“I love you.”

Her mouth curves sweetly.

“I love you, too.”

I bend my head, lick and suck, loving the feel and taste of her nipples in my mouth, loving how she responds, her hands in my hair, her body tightening and arching.

I fucking love doing this to her, setting her on fire, making her aching and eager.

I lick her breasts, nipping at the soft curves, and slide a hand down between her thighs.

I rub her, absorbing the damp heat of her through her leggings.

“You’re wet, honey.”

“I know,” she groans.

“Shhh. We need to be quiet.”

“Right. Right.” She pants a couple of soft breaths, then whispers, “I need you to touch me there.”

“Oh, yeah.” I move back between her thighs to drag her leggings off.

Perfect.

I study the tiny pink lace thong.

“Have I ever told you how much I like your underwear?”

“Mmm. Yes, you have.”

“These are so pretty. But they’re coming off, too.” I slide the lace down her legs and then study her, naked on the bed in front of me.

“Christ, you’re beautiful, Andi.”

“So are you.” She reaches for me and lays her palms on my chest, rubbing over my pecs.

Heat slides down through me to my balls.

“I want to worship you. Show you everything you are to me.” I shift back so I can kiss her mouth as I fondle her.

I pet her folds with my fingertips, then slide deep inside.

“Gorgeous.” I brush my lips over the top of one breast.

“So hot and slippery.”

I slide an arm beneath her, lick and suck her breasts, grazing her with my teeth.

She moans and writhes at my touch.

Electricity sizzles over my nerve endings, tension growing in my spine.

My balls ache, and sensation wraps around my cock, making me crazy for her.

I caress her stomach, the curve of her hip, and again between her legs, every touch full of adoration and awe and a desire to please her.

Make her feel so good.

Venturing lower, I lick the shallow indent of her navel and across her stomach, then ease her legs apart to move between them, dragging my tongue along her thighs, then to her center.

“Oh my God, Ford.” She drops flat on her back.

“Oh my God.”

“You taste so sweet.” I lick again.

“I could do this forever.” I pull back to study her.

“Look at that pretty pussy. So soft and pink.”

She whimpers, her hands sliding into my hair and twisting.

“I want you inside me.”

“Yeah. I will be. Believe me.” I lift her knee with one hand and push it up and back.

I slide my other arm under her hip to hug her other thigh and lap at her with slow, reverent strokes of my tongue.

When I lick over her clit, her hips jerk and lift against me.

I use one thumb to open her more to my tongue.

“Smooth. Juicy.” Damn, I need to be inside her now.

I unbutton my shirt and shrug it off, then strip off my pants, underwear, and socks.

I move back between her thighs, on my knees, nudging her legs wider for me.

I fist my stiff cock and stroke it up and down through her creamy center, brushing the head over her clit.

My balls tighten even more at the root of my cock, sizzling pleasure licking over me like flames.

Trembling, she opens her eyes, and I hold her gaze steadily as I stroke her.

Her stomach muscles tighten.

“Fuck me,” she whispers.

“You want this?” I stroke my cock.

Her gaze drops to my hand and watches.

“Yes. I want you inside me.” She reaches out again and grazes her fingertips over my chest and abs, all the way down to the hair at the base of my cock.

My muscles twitch, and my skin burns.

I find her entrance and push inside, all the while holding her gaze.

We stare into each other’s eyes in a connection that makes my heart inflate with raw emotion.

I can’t look away as her body closes around me, almost unbearably hot and tight, skin to skin, and I push in slowly, watching her face closely.

“Okay, beautiful?”

“Oh, yeah.” Her hips move, changing the angle, taking me deeper.

I reach for one of her hands, lace our fingers together, and lift her other leg higher.

Her gaze returns to my face, and I fuck her hard, deep, joining us in the closest connection we can have.

And it’s still not enough.

I want her so much it almost scares me.

She curls her fingers around mine and holds on tight.

Her eyes hazy, her wet lips parted, she looks so goddamn beautiful it makes my chest hurt.

A groan climbs my throat as my heart fills with love, and pleasure twists in my body.

Andi’s eyes widen as her orgasm builds, then drift closed, her body tightening, squeezing me.

Electricity shorts out my brain and fire explodes low in my belly, burning through me, my balls, my cock, streaking up my spine.

I fall over her, burying my face in the side of her neck as wave after wave of hot pleasure rolls over me, pulsing through my veins.

“Love you, Andi,” I gasp into the soft skin of her neck.

“I love you, too, Ford.” Her arms wrap tightly around me, and her mouth opens on my shoulder in a long kiss.

I shift to my side, keeping us joined, and hold her like the precious gift she is.

“You make me better,” I mumble into her hair.

She strokes my shoulder, my upper arm.

“You make yourself better.”

“I want to be better for you. And for Tilly.”

“Ford, we love you as you are. I know you think you’re messed up and weird, but I think you’re amazing. Talented. Hard working. Protective.”

“Nitpicky.”

I sense her smile.

“How about neat and organized?”

“Okay. You’re right. Even at my worst, I’m fucking incredible.”

She bursts out laughing, then slaps a hand over her mouth, her body shaking against mine, and I lift my head to smile into her eyes.

Love is scary and complicated.

It’s acceptance and intimacy, safety and friendship, painful and…

fun.

Especially with Andi…

it’s fun.

Tilly’s still too young to know what Christmas is all about, but the rest of us know and we’ve bought a shit ton of gifts for her.

My parents are here to celebrate with us, proud grandparents who are obviously going to spoil Tilly rotten.

It’s a bittersweet Christmas, though.

Willa passed away a few days ago.

I fucking hate that Tilly has lost her mother.

I’m also fiercely, sharply determined to look after Tilly the best I possibly can, and also to make sure she knows her mother as well as I can tell her.

We’re gathered in the living room on Christmas morning.

The first gift is one I bring out from the closet in the spare room—a huge bouquet of red roses for Andi.

She takes them with wonder, admiring the bright petals then lifting her eyes to mine.

“Thank you.”

“I screwed up last time with the flowers.”

She looks up from the card, where I wrote Red roses are for devotion, passion, romance, desire, and true love .

“The ones at the hotel?”

I bend my head closer to her.

“Yeah. I was absolutely a coward. Everyone knows red roses are for love. I thought giving you red roses would be too much. So I went with… what was it? Passion, desire, fascination.” I pause.

“Those are all true, by the way. But red was what I felt. Love.”

Her eyes get glossy.

“You are such a romantic, Ford Archibald.”

“Who knew?” I shrug.

“I kind of enjoy it.”

“Just like you enjoy being a girl dad.”

“Oh, hey, hold on.” Mom speaks up.

“Let’s be careful with that term.”

I hike my eyebrows up and turn to her.

“Girl dad?”

“Yes.” Holding Tilly, she stands, passion animating her face.

Oh, boy.

Here we go.

I repress a smile.

“The idea of a ‘girl dad’ makes us go along with the gender binary.”

I slid my gaze over to Andi, who’s also listening and when she meets my eyes, hers are dancing.

“Girl dads are great if it means actually showing up for your daughter, not just doing something perceived as feminine, like doing her hair or playing with Barbies. And let’s not feed the patriarchy. Men get praised for changing a diaper or taking their daughter for a walk. Come on! Praise for doing the bare minimum? That’s bullshit.”

“My mother, the feminist,” I murmur.

“You bet your ass I am,” she says, but she’s smiling.

“You just listen to Grandma, Tilly.”

“Ignore the swearwords, though,” I say.

“And I’m a feminist, too.”

Andi gives me side eye.

“I am! Hey, I know you could have fixed your bed yourself when it broke, I just wanted to help.”

“You broke her bed?” Dad frowns.

“Much as I’m happy you’re having energetic sex, that is a bit TMI, even for me,” Mom says.

“I didn’t break her bed! She broke it!”

“I was alone,” Andi adds hastily.

“Anyway, I can vouch for the fact that he’s changed a lot of diapers. He was a single dad; there was nobody else to change them. He still does more than me.”

Mom beams.

“We raised you right.”

I press my lips together.

Yeah.

Yeah, they did.

Even though I wanted more from them in terms of boundaries and rules, there were things they taught me—empathy, loyalty, honesty.

Love.

Important things.

Maybe I’m just now realizing how important.

“I love you, Mom.”

She sends me a soft look of affection.

“I love you, too.”

“You too, Dad.”

“Love you, son.”

Andi and I exchange another glance that’s loaded with emotion.

God, I love her, too.

We get busy opening gifts in front of the big tree I’m so glad we have.

I sit on the floor with Tilly between my legs, a pile of gifts in front of us.

I pick up a gift with a tag that says To Tilly, From Andi .

“I bought those presents weeks ago,” Andi says.

“I wasn’t sure I’d get to give them to you.”

Fuck.

I pause at the sharp jab to my heart.

Tilly’s curious and I help her by ripping the paper a bit.

She grabs the wrapping paper in her fist and yanks, pulling off a big chunk.

“Attagirl.”

She waves the paper around then brings it in front of her to study it and crumple it, more interested in the paper than the gift.

Then she starts to stuff it into her mouth and I swiftly pluck it away from her.

Eventually we get the present open.

“Books! Perfect.” I hold the books to show her.

“You love books.”

“She’ll be reading in no time,” Mom says.

“She should probably learn to talk first,” I say dryly.

Then I see one of the books.

My First Book of Sharks .

I separate it from the others, then turn to Andi.

She smiles.

Christ.

I love her.

With my chest full of emotion, I show the book to Tilly.

She turns one of the stiff pages.

She’s brilliant.

“Look. That’s a shark. A basking shark.” I pause.

What if talking about sharks makes her cry?

Nope.

She’s fascinated.

That’s my girl.

We next open gifts from Mom and Dad, and they open ones to and from each other.

Then Andi opens the one from me.

It’s in a gift bag since it’s an odd shape.

She pulls out the stuffed animal with a puzzled expression.

“Is this for me or for Tilly?”

“It’s for you.”

She turns the animal and realizes what it is.

“Oh! It’s Bailey!”

“No. Not Bailey.”

“What?” Her forehead wrinkles.

“That’s the dog I’m going to get you as soon as we live somewhere pets are allowed.”

She stares back at me, lips parted.

She’s so beautiful, her cheeks peachy smooth, her eyes big and warm.

Am I jumping the gun?

I lick my bottom lip, suddenly nervous.

We haven’t talked about living together.

In a way, it seems soon.

But also, it seems like we already are, at times, she spends so much time here.

“Ford.” She presses her lips together and peers down at the soft toy.

“Thank you.”

“He’s wearing something that’s also for you.”

She glances up, then down, and fingers the necklace around the dog’s neck.

“Oh!” She jerks her eyes back up to me.

“Oh my God, Ford.”

I’m nervous again.

She undoes the tiny clasp of the gold chain and holds up the necklace.

A one-carat diamond sparkles in the lights.

“This is beautiful.”

I shift away from Tilly and move behind Andi to fasten the necklace at her nape.

I bend and kiss the side of her neck.

“I felt like it wasn’t enough. The dog’s not real. Yet. But I wanted you to have something real.”

“I love it. I’ve never had anything so beautiful. Thank you.” She turns her head and our mouths meet in a long, hot, emotional kiss.

Mom and Dad clear their throats.

We draw apart with smiles.

“Open yours now,” Andi urges me.

She hands me a gift bag.

I open it and pull out something wrapped in red tissue.

It’s a Christmas ornament.

I hold it up.

A shark.

Wearing a Santa hat.

I grin.

“This is awesome. Thank you.”

She hands me a small box wrapped in silver paper.

“And this.”

I fumble open the paper, then lift the lid off the box.

Inside is a bracelet—rustic black beads with one silver bead.

I look closer.

The silver bead is a shark.

Grinning, I pull out the bracelet and slip it onto my left wrist.

“Thanks. This is cool.”

“There’s more.”

I go back to the box and find a folded paper.

I open it and read it.

Then I look up at Andi again.

“Each bracelet comes with a shark?”

“Yes.” She bites her lip.

“There’s information in there about your shark—a picture of it, and its name. You can track where he goes on a map and get information about his journey.”

“Holy shit. Oops, I mean, holy shoot.” Excitement rushes through my veins as I look down at the picture.

“He’s a good-looking shark. His name is Jawesome.”

Mom’s forehead creases.

“His name is awesome?”

“No, Jawesome.” I grin at Mom.

Dad laughs.

“That’s good. Let’s see that.”

I go over and show it to him.

I think he’s as excited as I am.

I look over at Andi, watching with a glow on her face.

I have to kiss her again.

“This is the best gift ever. Thank you.”

“Be the shark,” she whispers.

Yeah.

Later, after we’ve opened all the presents, eaten Christmas dinner, and Mom and Dad are playing with Tilly, I go up to the rooftop.

I’ve been getting back to meditation and it’s a good thing.

My stress and anxiety and negative thoughts were spiraling, which is understandable, given everything that’s been going on, but not as much as it could have.

What’s helped?

My trust in Andi.

I trust her to be there for me.

That’s huge in quieting my anxiety.

But meditation is always good, and part of it is thinking about my goals and how I feel about them.

Things have changed.

How do I feel about my goals now?

I still have hockey goals and I’m still determined to be the best I can be.

But I also know that it won’t be the end of the world if I don’t achieve them.

Because my other goals—to be a good father, a good partner to Andi, a good friend and teammate—are more important.

And I can succeed in more ways than just playing the most games or stopping the most pucks.

Becoming a father has brought out a better version of myself.

A version of me I didn’t even know existed.

I still work hard.

But now I love even harder.

I never knew love could feel like this…

like the whole world is clutched in Tilly’s tiny fist.

You don’t know what this type of love is before you have kids—and you’re not meant to.

I never knew love could feel like what I feel for Andi.

She, too, has also brought out a better version of me.

The love I feel for her is different but just as powerful.

I never thought anyone would love someone as screwed up as me.

And yet she does.

I want to live up to her love and trust and faith in me and be the man who deserves that.

Because her love is everything to me.

Andi once asked me if I believe in soulmates.

I told her I believed in them for other people because my soul is freaky.

But I’ve found someone who loves my freak.

Is that a soulmate?

There’s always been a sense of connection with Andi.

It wasn’t love at first sight; she was married.

There was a physical attraction, yes.

But as I got to know her better, she challenged me.

She asked me questions about things I didn’t want to talk about.

The parts of me that are hurt and hidden.

And when I talked about those things, she understood.

I’ve always felt like I’m on a journey.

Becoming a father changed that journey.

I feel like Andi is a partner on the journey.

And I know I don’t want to do it without her.