Page 12

12

FORD

I can’t believe they did this.

My teammates started showing up at one o’clock with food and gifts.

“We’re throwing you a baby shower,” Benny explained with a grin as he carried in a charcuterie platter.

I don’t like spontaneous surprises.

I like things planned and organized.

Preferably by me.

So this stresses me out.

I’m trying to resist the urge to kick everyone out, worried about how this will affect Tilly, and pissed about all the junk food.

This is a bad attitude.

I know that.

I just have a hard time dealing with all these feelings, and on top of everything else, I’m pissed at myself for being pissed.

My muscles are all tense and my heart is thudding as I carry Tilly and watch others arrive with chips and dip, chicken wings, sliders, and a big tray of brownies.

I know how to deal with anxiety.

Slow breathing.

The 3-3-3 rule—looking around and identifying three objects, three sounds, then three body parts.

But I don’t have patience for that right now.

Tilly seems to sense my tension and fusses in my arms.

I don’t know what to do, but I’m afraid I’m going to blow up and say something I’ll regret.

Andi.

Before I’ve analyzed why I think of her, I’m out the door of my condo and down the hall to hers.

I don’t think the guys even notice me leaving, they’re so busy arranging food and gifts.

I rap on her door.

She opens it and gives me a blank look, taking in Tilly and my probably pissed expression.

“What’s wrong?”

“Can I come in?”

“Uh… sure.” She steps aside and I stomp into her living room.

She follows.

“The guys are throwing us a baby shower – gifts, buffet, the lot.”

She grins.

“No!”

“Yes.”

“That’s amazing!”

“I didn’t know about it. I’m…”

“Freaking out.”

“Yeah.” I rub my forehead.

Tilly squirms.

“They didn’t tell me! They didn’t even ask me, they just did it.”

Andi walks up and takes Tilly from me.

She’s come a long way since that first day when she wouldn’t hold her.

“Hi, sweet girl,” she says with a kiss to Tilly’s head.

She looks back at me.

“It’s okay, Ford.”

“I know. I know.” I start pacing.

“I’m just not good with unexpected events. I’m so mad.”

Her lips curve.

“I see that. But are you really mad?”

My forehead tightens.

“Yeah.”

“Usually anger starts with something else.” She looks back at Tilly.

“Why are you wearing pajamas to a baby shower, young lady? You need to dress up!”

I screw up my face at that.

“Shit.”

“It’s fine. I’m kidding. Sort of.”

Tilly is staring at Andi, somewhat calmer.

I shove a hand into my hair and cross the living room again.

“So what else is it?” she asks.

I huff.

“I don’t know.”

“Yeah, you do. Think about it.”

“I feel pressured.”

She nods.

“Are you afraid?”

I narrow my eyes.

“Afraid of what?”

She looks at me steadily.

“Not being in control?”

I gaze back at her.

“Shit.”

“That’s what it really is, isn’t it? You want to be in control. And they took that away from you.”

I roll my eyes as I pace the room.

“They’re just trying to help,” she says.

“They care about you. I think that’s so nice of them to do that.”

“Yeah. It is.”

“They’re good friends.”

“They should know I don’t like surprises.”

“They probably didn’t think about that. After all, it’s a nice surprise. Not a bad surprise.”

“Like having a baby show up at your door.”

“Yes, like that. But even that’s not all bad. Look at this sweetheart.”

I exhale sharply.

“Yeah.” Some of the tension in my shoulders eases as I regard Tilly.

“Don’t let your need for control and perfection cause you to miss out on things. Happy things like a baby shower. Those things are important.”

I go mannequin-still and stare at the wall.

Jesus.

She’s right.

I know that.

I just didn’t…

get it.

“Where does this need for control come from?” she asks quietly, neutrally.

I almost spill my guts.

But I don’t need to tell her about my whole weird childhood.

“I just like order. Stability.”

“Right.” She purses her lips, then says, “Breathe. You’ve got this.”

I try to moderate my breathing.

Yeah.

I can do this.

“Be grateful to your friends. Show them you appreciate all the effort that went into this.”

“I do appreciate it.”

“I know you do. And it’s all for this little girl. Right, Tilly? They brought you presents! Aren’t you excited about that?” She takes Tilly’s little arm and waves it.

Tilly smiles and makes a noise of agreement.

Andi grins.

“She can’t wait to see the gifts.”

It’s for Tilly.

This is all for Tilly.

That calms me down more.

I sit on Andi’s couch, elbows on my knees, and take a few deep breaths.

I look over at her.

She’s always so…

positive.

Calm.

My breathing eases a bit.

“I’m okay.”

“Good. How about I go back with you? I’ll get her into a pretty dress and you can take control of the party.”

I look up at her and catch the twinkle in her eyes.

I smile.

“I’m an asshole.”

“Did you yell at them to get out?”

“No.” I pause.

“I wanted to.”

“But you didn’t. So you’re not an asshole. Right now, anyway.”

I snort, her disclaimer amusing me.

“Okay.” I pull air into my lungs and let it out slowly.

“Let’s go back before they think I’ve abandoned them.”

Andi carries Tilly, following me down the hall.

“I heard the noise from your place. Sounds like they’re having fun.”

“ They’re having a great time,” I say dryly.

We walk in and a couple of guys look up and see Andi.

“Hey, everyone, this is Andi. My neighbor. Andi, this is… everyone.” I wave a hand.

She smiles.

“Hi, guys. I’m just going to borrow this princess for a few minutes. She wasn’t expecting a party.” She disappears into the spare room where I’ve got all Tilly’s things arranged now.

I take in the chaos of food spread out on the kitchen island, drinks on the counter, and a pile of gifts on the coffee table.

It’s fine.

“How’d you guys do this in such a short time?”

“We have ways.” Benny grins.

“We may have had a little help from the WAGs.”

“They gave us some party games to play,” Shawzy adds.

“Jesus.” I shake my head.

“Like what?”

“Baby bottle bowling,” Shawzy replies.

“Also baby shower charades, where we act out things like painting our nails or folding laundry.” He pauses.

“They’re meant for chicks, obviously.”

“Well, if we get bored, we can do that,” I say, meaning, Hell no, we’re not doing that.

“You need a drink, bro.” Crusher hands me a beer.

“Here you go.”

I do need this.

I lift it to my lips and take a big swallow.

“Thanks.” I check out the food offerings and pick up a cracker from the charcuterie board.

“Who made this?”

“I bought it,” Benny confesses.

“Looks great.”

“Let’s open the presents,” Smitty says.

“You’re supposed to sit in a decorated chair to do that, so we brought this…” He holds up a big pink bow then sticks it onto the top of one of my leather chairs.

I bite back a smile.

“You guys are whacked.”

“Yep. Have a seat.” Smitty gestures at the chair.

Andi emerges from the bedroom with Tilly, now wearing a pink ruffled dress and a pink headband with a ridiculously huge bow on it.

I stare at her.

I didn’t even know she had those things.

She starts to hand Tilly to me, but Smitty says, “He’s gonna be opening gifts. I’ll take the baby.”

I blink at him.

Andi hands Tilly over to him and she regards him with a tiny crease between her eyebrows and a pouty bottom lip.

He grins at her.

“Hey, Matilda. I’m Uncle Marek.”

Damn.

I clear my throat.

“Here.” Dilly hands Andi a beer.

“Have a drink.”

“Oh.” She takes it hesitantly, glancing at me.

“This seems like a guys’ party.”

“It’s a shower,” Dilly says.

“You can stay.”

She looks back at me and I dip my chin in agreement.

Smitty hands me the first gift and the next hour is spent unwrapping all kinds of things—clothes, toys, little rattles that go on her wrists and feet, and another tummy time mirror toy.

While I’m opening gifts, Dilly is writing things down.

“I see you already have one of those,” Crankster says.

That’s the nickname we gave Noah Lawson, a rookie who never smiles.

“I can return it.”

“That’s okay,” Andi puts in.

“We can take one to my place. She spends lots of time there.”

The guys all exchange looks.

What?

I told them about my neighbor helping me.

“Alfie sent this.” Benny hands me one more gift.

“But he couldn’t make it today.”

I take the gift, nodding somberly.

His baby was about the same age as Tilly when the car accident happened.

I don’t blame him for not being here.

“Thanks, guys,” I say, looking around the room.

“This is really unexpected and awesome. You didn’t have to do this. But it means a lot.”

Andi beams at me and I smile back at her.

Later, in an aside, Smitty asks, “What’s with you and your neighbor?”

“What? Nothing.” I look over at Andi, standing near Benny who’s holding Tilly, and laughing.

“Uh huh.” He nods knowingly.

“You went to get her. Why’d you do that?”

“I…” Fuck.

“I have no idea.”

He hoists his eyebrows.

“She’s hot.”

I can’t argue with that; Andi is objectively hot.

“We’re just friends. Look, don’t get any weird ideas. I told you guys about her.”

“You told us your neighbor was helping. We all pictured a little gray-haired old lady. Someone grandmotherly.”

I choke on a laugh.

“Oh. Well, that was wrong.”

“No shit.”

We go join Andi and Benny.

Andi says, “Hey, I met some of your competitors last night.”

I frown.

“Who?”

“Three players from the New York Bears.”

Everyone in the room bellows with disapproval.

“Who?” I demand.

“Where?”

“I was at Nakuru. It’s not far from their arena. They’d just finished a game. Now what were their names? Oh, one of them is a goalie! Tyler Something.”

“Tyler Kadner,” I growl.

“Jesus.”

“He said you’re a good goalie.” Andi meets my eyes, and I see the amusement at my reaction.

I grunt.

“The others were Kevin and Ryker.”

“Kevin Beaven and Ryker Murphy,” Smitty says.

“Were they trying to pick you up? You shouldn’t date a Bear.”

“That’s not what most women say,” Andi says.

Everyone cracks up laughing, even me.

“I don’t get it,” Crusher says.

“Oh, come on,” Smitty says.

“Haven’t you heard about that big debate on social media? They asked women if they’d rather be trapped alone in the woods with a man or a bear. And women all said the bear.”

“And a bunch of men got mad about it,” Andi adds.

Crusher’s brow wrinkles.

“Huh. That’s kind of depressing. I’m not mad, though. I get it.”

“Anyway, I think Tyler was flirting with me a little,” Andi says.

“But he’s kind of young for me.”

Heat simmers in my belly.

“I thought you were on a date. He was flirting with you in front of your date?”

“I was on a date with Elodie,” she replies gently.

“Oh.” That’s good.

But also, fuck Tyler Kadner.

“Okay, listen up, everyone.” Dilly waves a piece of paper.

“I wrote down all the things Archie said when he opened the gifts.” He pauses, holding the paper in front of him.

“This is what was said the night Matilda was conceived. Number one: it’s so small.”

Everyone roars with laughter.

“Number two: where does this go? Number three: this is really cute. Number four… isn’t that a choking hazard?”

As everyone guffaws, Dilly finishes reading the things I did, in fact, say, although not the night of Matilda’s conception.

Even I laugh.

Andi takes Tilly and lays her on a blanket on the floor, fastens the little rattles to her wrists, then puts the rattle socks on.

Tilly’s intrigued, waving her arms and kicking her legs, and looking at the noises.

Andi takes her little feet and lifts them up so Tilly can see them.

She stares intently.

Jesus Christ, she’s cute.

“She’s been almost finding her feet,” Andi says.

“These are great.”

My attention moves to Andi, sitting cross-legged on the floor, dressed in ripped jeans and a striped blue sweater.

Her shiny gold hair falls over her face as she plays with Tilly’s feet, the curve of her lips warm and affectionate.

Jesus Christ, she’s gorgeous.

Something seizes in my chest.

I can’t be thinking things like that.

Last night when she stopped by on her way out, I was jarred, seeing her in sexy clothes, no glasses, and shiny lipstick.

She looked extremely fuckable.

I beat myself up for the rest of the night for thinking that.

Then I dreamed about undressing her.

Fuck.

Andi’s my neighbor, my friend.

Trevor’s ex.

Also, the only person I trust to help with Tilly.

I cannot mess that up.

Also, Andi’s never given any hint whatsoever that she’s attracted to me.

Why would she be?

I’m an oddball.

I’ve never hidden that from her.

On top of that, now I have a baby.

And I’m certainly not looking for a relationship.

I don’t need anyone.

I mean, I do have a healthy sex drive, to put it mildly, and it’s been a while.

No wonder I’m getting horny thoughts about Andi.

But those have to stop.

Right now.