Page 10

10

FORD

Andi and I sat down with my hockey schedule and her schedule and mapped out exactly when she’d need to look after Matilda.

I shared the schedule I created for Matilda, although Andi seemed unsure of it.

I let her look at my planner so she knows what days I schedule various things like cleaning and laundry and other appointments.

She agreed to go for CPR training, but also made me agree that I have to respect her business time and also, I made her promise she would not post any pictures of Matilda on social media.

I haven’t said a word to any of the guys about Matilda.

Which means I’ve been acting weird, but that’s the usual for me so they haven’t even wondered what’s going on.

I don’t know why I haven’t told them.

Maybe because it’s so huge.

And weird.

Like, who really gets a baby dropped on their doorstep?

Me.

That’s who.

I guess I’m a little afraid of how they’re going to react.

They know I’m not good father material.

They’ll probably call child protection services.

I don’t know.

On the other hand, announcing I have a baby is the kind of bizarreness they expect from me.

I at least need to let Coach know that I’m dealing with some stuff in my personal life.

I’ve tried not to let it impact my play, but I know it has.

I worked so fucking hard all summer and I don’t feel I’ve really shown everyone what I can do.

I’m the Net Ninja.

My self-discipline and focus is legendary.

And here I am all rattled by a twelve-pound girl.

So I’m meeting with Coach in his office.

Training camp is done and our last practice before the regular season just ended.

He’s going to freak out.

“So, I, uh, have some news to share with you,” I begin.

“A few weeks ago, I became a father.”

He blinks at me, his expression wooden.

“A father.”

“Yeah.”

“You had a baby?”

“Well, not me. But yeah.”

“I didn’t know you even had a girlfriend.”

“I don’t.” I swallow.

“It was a one-night stand about a year ago.”

He looks at me.

The silence expands.

“But you said… a few weeks ago.”

“Right, right. She’s four months old now. But I just found out about her.” I pull air into my lungs.

“Her mother had to go to look after her parents after a bad car accident and needed to leave the baby with me. So right now, I have full custody. And I’m not sure how long that’s going to be for. Willa said it could be a couple of months.”

He leans back in his chair.

“Okay. Wow. That was a total surprise to you?”

“Yeah.” I tell him a few more details about it, about my failed nanny hire, and that a friend is helping me look after Matilda.

“I’ve really been trying not to let it interfere with my game, but I thought you should know. Being a single dad might, uh, impact my schedule.”

“Jesus.” He rubs his mouth.

“Yeah.” He looks across the room, then back at me.

Then he asks the same question Andi did.

“Are you sure you’re the father?”

“Yeah. She has my eyes.”

Coach continues to regard me enigmatically.

Did that sound hopelessly gullible?

Probably.

“We also did a DNA test,” I add.

“Family’s important,” he finally says.

“We’re here for you. Let us know what we can do to support you.”

He’s not freaking out.

“I just want you to know that I’ve worked really hard to prepare for this season.” I lean forward.

“I won’t let this interfere with that. I want to start as many games as I possibly can. I want to win them all.”

“Yeah, it shows,” he replies.

“How hard you’ve worked. But Ford… family is a priority.”

“Sure, sure.” I nod vigorously.

“But I’m totally committed to being the number one goalie.”

He nods.

“Good. Like I said, let us know what we can do to help.”

He’s not freaking out.

He’s supporting me.

“Do your teammates know? I assume they do.”

“No. I haven’t told anyone yet. I’ve been trying to adjust to things. I don’t know.” I press my hand to my forehead.

“Maybe I thought this was all going to go away before the regular season starts.”

His eyebrows elevate.

“Babies don’t just… go away.”

Shit.

“That sounded bad, didn’t it? I know that. I just meant… fuck, I don’t know what I meant. This has really rattled me.”

He nods.

“Understandable.”

We end the meeting.

That didn’t go as badly as I feared.

Maybe the guys won’t wild out when they hear.

I head to the players’ lounge where everyone is eating post-practice lunch.

They’re lounging around at tables and on leather couches, drinking energy drinks, eating healthy lean proteins and veggies.

I stand looking around at everyone for a moment until guys start taking note of me and giving me weird looks.

“S’up, Archie?” our new captain, Benny, calls to me.

“Did you miss the chicken shawarma? It was really good.”

I make a face.

Damn.

I like chicken shawarma.

“No, there’s some left,” Dilly calls.

“Here, I’ll make you a bowl.”

“No cucumbers!” I call back.

“I hate cucumbers.”

He shrugs and starts spooning food into a big bowl.

“I have an announcement to make.”

All heads turn toward me.

Silence descends.

“What is it?” Benny asks, shifting on the couch to fully face me, concern etched on his forehead.

After last season’s tragic car accident involving Alfie and his wife and child, they’re probably all afraid I’m going to say something terrible.

I swallow and lift my hands.

“It’s okay. It’s just some, uh, unexpected news.” I pause, then square my shoulders.

“A few weeks ago I had a visit from a woman, I, uh, hooked up with last year.”

Some eyes widen.

Some brows furrow.

The silence deepens.

“Yeah. She had a baby with her. A little girl. Who is mine.” I pause for a deep breath, then lower my ass to the arm of one couch.

“Holy shit,” Benny says, and other guys mumble similar curses.

“Right? Well.” I explain the rest of the story to them, trying to gloss over how much this has completely derailed my life.

I don’t need everyone feeling sorry for me.

I’m doing enough of that myself.

“My friend next door has agreed to help but I still have to keep looking for a full-time nanny. Except I’m not really sure how long Willa’s going to be gone.”

“Oh, man.” Turks bounds up.

“We’ll all help! You’re not in this alone.”

Everyone mutters agreement.

“Absolutely,” Benny says, nodding.

“What can we do?”

“Holly and I can help,” Turks says, naming his wife.

They have two young kids.

“Holly can babysit if you need.”

“Maybe you should check with her before offering her services.”

He freezes.

“Riiiiight. But I know she’ll be willing, she loves kids.”

“Us, too,” Shawzy speaks up.

“We have our hands full with three, but we can help. Do you need diaper lessons? I have lots of sleep tips.”

“I need all the tips I can get.” I rub my forehead, my heart turning the consistency of pablum in my chest at all their support.

“Thank you.”

“When can we meet her?” Shawzy asks.

“What’s her name?”

“Her name is Matilda. Matilda Grace. She’s four months old.” Some weird emotion presses behind my sternum.

“And I guess you can meet her whenever you want. Tomorrow?” We have a day off before our first regular season game on Monday night.

“Okay, great.”

Not everyone can come, and notably Alfie is quiet.

I totally understand.

It would be so fucking hard to see Matilda when he just lost his little guy so tragically.

But the rest of the guys all make arrangements to come over Sunday afternoon.

I pull my utensils out of my pocket and eat my shawarma chicken bowl, without cucumbers.

It’s delicious.

The chef here spoils us with all the meals and snacks they provide.

Then I take off to relieve Andi.

It’s Saturday so she doesn’t have meetings, but she still has work to do and also, she might like a little time to herself.

I really am grateful for her help.

I let myself into my condo and find the two girls on the living room floor.

Andi’s leaning against the couch, legs bent, Matilda on her thighs facing her.

“What does a cow say?” Andi asks.

“Mooooooooo.” And Matilda giggles with that infectious, enchanting baby laugh.

My feet halt for a split second as I watch Andi laugh, too, and God…

she’s beautiful.

Her smile for Matilda is tender and affectionate and real.

She looks up at me and her smile broadens.

“Hey! Daddy’s home!”

Daddy.

Jesus.

Something winds tight around my chest and windpipe.

I feel like I can’t breathe.

I force myself to walk toward them and crouch down.

I smile back at Andi.

“Hi.”

“Hi.”

Then I look at Matilda.

She holds her arms out to me and kicks her legs, making little grunting noises.

I laugh and pick her up, my fingers brushing Andi’s thighs as I do so.

I ignore that.

“Hey, pretty girl. What are you doing?”

She’s wearing an outfit I haven’t seen before, little cable-knit pants and a matching sweater in a cream color.

“What are you wearing? You look cozy.”

“We went for a walk.” Andi slides away from the couch then stretches out flat on the floor on her back.

“So we got out the woolly clothes.” She turns her head and peers up at me.

“She might need a few more things for winter. All her clothes are pretty summery.”

I guess that makes sense.

“We can do that. It’s important to be well dressed, right, Tilly?”

I realize I’ve said the nickname without even thinking.

“Ha!” Andi lifts her head, grinning.

“You called her Tilly!”

“Fine, fine. It’s easier than Matilda all the time.”

“I like it. Okay.” She rolls over again and stands, stretching.

“I’m outta here. Got stuff to do.”

“Don’t you want to come shopping?”

She tilts her head, looking conflicted.

“Nah. That’s okay. You have some daddy time with her.”

My public outings with Tilly have been minimal.

Once to a doctor’s appointment we set up to make sure she’s on track with all her immunizations and growth, and once to the bodega down the street when I needed milk and Andi wasn’t here.

But I guess I can handle it.

“Also, I have a date tonight. I need to get ready.”

My head snaps around.

“What?”

She nods.

“Yeah! It’s been a while. It’s Saturday, though, and I knew you’d be home so I get to go out and drink adult beverages—woohoo!” She pumps a fist in the air as she walks toward us.

She bends down to kiss Tilly’s cheek.

“Bye, honey bunny. Be good for Daddy.”

The scent of Andi’s hair drifts to my nose as she leans in, that sweet-like-sugar-and-flowers scent.

Sexy.

No.

I just mean it’s different than baby lotion.

Which is the only female scent I’ve smelled recently.

“I should go shower so I don’t smell like poopy diapers.” She shakes her head.

“What has my life become? Okay, bye!”

I watch her walk out, her tight ass perfectly outlined in a pair of black yoga pants.

“What about tomorrow?” I call to her.

She stops at the door and frowns at me over her shoulder.

“You have a day off, right?”

“Yeah.” But…

but what?

“The guys are coming over to meet Tilly.”

Her frown morphs into a huge smile.

“You told them!”

“Yeah. And Coach. It went better than expected.”

“Oh, good! I’m glad they’re coming over. But… you don’t need me for that.”

“No, no. Just letting you know.”

“Great! See you Monday, then. I have your morning skate on my schedule, and the game that night. Call me if you need me when you try to nap.” She holds up her hands, palms out, in a reassuring gesture.

“All good.”

“Okay. Yeah. See you Monday.”

The door closes behind her and I look down at Tilly, also watching Andi leave, her bottom lip pushing out.

“Oh, man. You want her to stay, too?” I move with Tilly on my hip, distracting her.

“But we don’t need her! We can have fun together, right, baby girl?” I pick up a soft toy and shake it for her.

It works.

She forgets Andi.

But I don’t.

She’s going on a fucking date?