Page 93 of It's Not PMS, It's You

“I’m the one with the problem?”

“Do you have PMS or something?”

“It’s not PMS, it’s you.” It was time for me to end this charade. “Can you sing?”

Julian hesitated. “I’ve been known to carry a note or two.”

“Yeah? Can you hit the high notes like Mariah Carey?”

“Of course not. That would be impossible for a man.”

I eyed his zipper. “Not if I kick you in the nuts real hard. Care to test out my theory?”

He finally closed his legs. “You’re a freak, you know that?”

“Of course.I’mthe one who’s a freak.”

Julian stood. “I’m outta here.”

“Hot diggity dog, I was hoping you were going to say that.”

He walked toward the bar and, thankfully, out of my life forever.

Like clockwork, my bad luck with dating continued.

I sighed, wondering why I just couldn’t meet a man like Nick.

I froze, a little freaked out that I’d had that thought.

I took a big swig of my Heineken, trying to get him out of my head.

Fortunately, the bell rang.

“All right! Mark your score cards!” the host said.

I wrote negative one hundred points next to Julian’s number and left the box blank where I was supposed to say if I wanted to get his contact info.

Hell, no.

“Okay, men, listen up! Please move to the next table on your right and good luck with your next date! I hope you’re all having fun already!”

“The time of my life,” I mumbled to myself.

The next man approached my table, wearing what appeared to be a fancy Italian suit and carrying a thin black leather portfolio.

He sat down and held out his hand across the table. “I’m Gustav. A pleasure to make your acquaintance, Reth.”

I shook his hand and smiled. “Thank you. You, too. It’s Ruth, by the way. It’s a typo.”

I guessed I was going to have to repeat that twenty times today unless the host got me a new name tag with my name spelled correctly.

Gustav shook his head in disgust. “Typos drive me insane.”

“Me, too.”

Okay, it was small victory, but we already had something in common. As long as he didn’t check his heart rate and let me know if he was aroused, we were off to a good start.

Gustav pointed to the table he had just came from. “That last date didn’t go well, unfortunately, but it was my own fault. I arrived late because my GPS stopped functioning as I was driving here. I took it for granted and it failed me, but I take full responsibility because I was supposed to update the software a couple of weeks ago. Luckily, I stopped and asked for directions and didn’t miss too much. And here I am!”