Page 70 of It's Not PMS, It's You

Two hours later, I still hadn’t gotten through all of them.

My shoulders tensed up again just thinking about how much work I still had to do. The pleasurable wine buzz that I had gotten with Nick was long gone.

Nick.

What was the deal with that guy? And why was I thinking about him again? He was like one of those paintings in the museum that every time you looked at it, you saw something different.

I just couldn’t figure that man out.

There was much more to him than I could have ever imagined. I hadn’t even scratched the surface yet. He was a smart man, no doubt about that. But I had a feeling he got most of his knowledge from life experiences, and not a textbook or a school. He had this raw energy and confidence that usually came from street-smarts. That was the only way he could have known about me without knowing me so well.

As hard as it was for me to admit it, Dee was right when she said Nick hit the nail on the head about what I did for a living.

I did tear things apart.

Nick told me what he saw, but he was also clear that he wasn’t being judgmental, just stating the facts. How could I get mad at him for that?

You’re a workaholic. You get to choose exactly how you want to live your life and if that’s your preference, if that’s what makes you happy, more power to you. You’re happy, right?

If I would have answered him honestly, I would have told himno, I’m not happy.

Sometimes it does feel like life is passing me by.

Like I need to stick my hand out to grab it and slow it down.

That flight from Phoenix taught me something: I had all my eggs in one basket and that I didn’t want to die alone.

At least I was doing something about it, but I did have a lot of things going on.

My shoulders tensed up even more, just thinking about it.

If you get overwhelmed, go sit by the fountain, and close your eyes. Trust me.

I glanced out the open french doors toward the fountain and listened to the soothing sound of the water. Maybe that’s what I needed just then. I needed to get out of my comfort zone and do something I wouldn’t normally do.

I closed my laptop and stood, willing to finally give it a shot without Nick watching me.

Once outside, I sat on the bench in front of the fountain and closed my eyes.

Now, I just needed to remember Nick’s instructions.

Any sounds you notice around you, just let them be.

It was late, and there wasn’t much noise outside anyway.

I could hear the water, a few crickets, and that was about it.

Nick told me I needed to take a deep breath and let it out slowly as I continued to listen to the water. Then do it again three times, no hurry. I did just as he instructed, breathing in and out three times, as I focused on the water. Then I did it again. And again.

Then something magical happened a few minutes later as I sat there in silence.

My heart rate slowed.

My body relaxed.

My shoulders didn’t feel so tense.

I didn’t have a thousand thoughts fighting for my attention.