Page 92 of It's Not PMS, It's You

“You know, tell me something aboutyou. Anything.” He checked his watch.

What was he doing?

Was he bored already on a three-minute date? Did he even want to be here?

“Do you like to swim?” Julian obviously wasn’t patient enough to wait for me to respond.

“Love it,” I answered, even though it was an odd question to start off with.

“One piece or bikini?”

I blinked, wondering if this guy was a pervert.

Maybe he carried women’s underwear in his pockets.

“You know, do you have any preference on swimwear?” he added.

Another ridiculous question, but I wanted to see where this was going. “Bikini.”

“Excellent choice.” He checked his watch again, but this time he pressed a sticky electrode pad to the side of his neck where he’d had his fingers earlier. It was connected to a wire that he plugged into his phone.

What the heck is that and what the heck is he doing?

He looked up and saw me watching him. “Please continue. You were talking about your bikini. What color and how skimpy are we talking here?” He eyed my cleavage.

“What exactly are you doing?”

He kept his fingers glued to his neck where he stuck the electrode pad. “I know we’re not supposed to talk about work, but I’m averysuccessful app developer. Made over a million last year, after taxes.” He grinned. “Ever heard of the Diggity Dog app?”

“No.”

“What about Diggity Dang?”

“No.”

“Dag Diggity Dapitty Doo?”

“No.”

“Hot Digitty Daggity Doggity Dogone Doo Bop De Doo?”

“No.”

“Dang Dong Dung—”

I held up my hand. “I’m obviously not the target market for your apps and you still haven’t answered my question. What exactly are you doing? What’s with the contraption on your neck?”

“I’m monitoring my heartbeat for arousal.”

I just stared at him.

“It’s the ultimate sign of a connection between a man and a woman. If you can get my heart rate up to a hundred and thirty beats per minutes, we’ve got a good thing going on here. For instance, when you were talking about your bikini, my app showed that my heart rate went up dramatically. Great sign! That means I am attracted to you and want to hear more of what you have to say. But when you were telling me that you hadn’t heard of any of my award-winning apps, my heart rate dropped. Bad sign, but it’s early. Go ahead, keep talking. I can’t test my app if you don’t talk.”

Julian opened his legs even wider, like he was a construction crane wanting to pick up something.

“Please close your legs.”

He shook his head. “What’s your problem?”