Page 108 of It's Not PMS, It's You

Come on, think of something good.

Nothing.

My brain froze up from the pressure of coming up with the perfect response and also from being caught off guard by just how delightful Ruth was and how much she had changed outside of her professional environment.

In the end, my intelligence and my mouth betrayed me as I spewed out something completely ridiculous that I immediately regretted. “I can introduce you to a few of those eligible bachelors I told you about yesterday.”

Ruth hesitated, basically letting me know that it was the furthest thing from her mind. “Oh . . .” She nodded and shrugged. “Okay.”

I’m such a fool.

What was I going to do now?

Chapter Twenty-One

NICK

If there were such a thing as an Idiot Hall of Fame, I would have been unanimously voted in and inducted this week.

“No need to wait, Mr. Morris,” someone would have told me, escorting me directly to the front of the idiot line. “Really. You deserve this more than anyone else we have ever met in the existence of the world.”

I wanted to bury my head in the sand and scream from the top of my lungs because I was a certified bonehead of epic proportions.

I can introduce you to a few of those eligible bachelors I told you about yesterday.

Why the hell had I told her that?

What was I thinking?

You weren’t thinking at all.

We walked toward the food area to meet my cousin, Jay, who has been in charge of the barbecue every year. It felt like I was heading to death row, my head down, my energy low, each step getting slower and slower, wondering how I got myself into this mess and how I could have flubbed-up a fantasy open invitation from such a beautiful woman.

What are you going to do with me now that you have me, Nicky?

I might as well have said, “Well, since I’m a bozo, I guess I should take you and introduce you to the competition and watch as one of them sweeps you off your feet and out of my life forever.”

Too late to take it back now.

We stopped in front of the barbecue grill and checked out the various meats grilling, hot dogs, hamburgers, sausages. Jay also had pork smoking in the smoker next to the barbecue that was always to die for. He had started cooking at eight in the morning.

Jay had his back to us and was grabbing a few hamburger patties from the cooler under one of the tables. Then he pulled more buns from the bag.

He flipped around and dropped some patties and buns on the grill. “Hey, Nick.”

“Hey. I wanted you to meet a friend of mine. This is Ruth.”

Jay pulled off his gloves and dropped them on the table. “Any friend of Nick’s is a friend of mine.” He smiled and came around the table to hug Ruth. “A pleasure to meet you.”

Why was everyone hugging her except for me?

“A pleasure meeting you as well.” Ruth smiled and eyed the food on the barbecue. “This all looks amazing.”

Jay slipped his gloves back on. “Thank you. There’s going to be lots to eat in just a couple of minutes.”

Ruth pointed to the smoker next the barbecue. “What do have going on inside the smoker?”

“Nothing now because I already took it out.” He pointed proudly to the big piece of pork on the cutting board. “This will be the first thing that will disappear when I let everyone know it’s ready. Do you like pork?”