Page 56 of Infatuated as They Come (Sinful Trilogy #2)

It was with one more big hug that I left my house behind, the dented Christmas present in my hands. I slipped into the truck, staring right ahead of me, at the place that used to feel so warm but now just felt cold and suffocating.

“There’s a dent in the box,” was the first thing I said to Sawyer.

Sawyer let out a short, sharp breath. “Looks like there is.”

“He did it last night.”

“It’s okay.”

“It’s not.”

“It is.”

“It’s probably broken. Whatever it is, it’s ruined.”

“Maybe it’s…” Sawyer took the box from my hands, giving it the tiniest of shakes. The sound of clinking hit the air, the noise so sharp it felt like it was cutting right through me. “Never mind.”

“He broke the necklace you got me too,” I muttered, taking it out of my coat pocket and uncurling my fingers. There it sat in the palm of my hand, my favorite ever gift, torn into pieces.

Sawyer stayed quiet for what felt like a good minute, eyes glued to my hand the whole time. Finally, he just nodded. “Yeah, it’s definitely broken, huh?”

“I’m so sorry,” I said. “About the gift and the necklace and him and everything. I’m sorry about how he treats you, I’m sorry about last night, I’m sorry he doesn’t see what I see.”

His hand brushed against mine. “Holly, it’s okay.”

“Stop saying that. It’s not okay. It’s not. I can’t even look at him right now. God, why does he have to be like this?”

“I don’t wanna be the reason you and your parents fight,” he said, eyes filled with worry. “If you want to stay, you can. I won’t stop you from staying.”

“I can’t be here right now.” I let my eyes settle back on the house. “It’s more than that fight. This is just me not being able to tolerate him anymore.”

“Well, either way… I don’t want to fuck up your relationship with him. You guys are close, Holly. I don’t want you to have what me and my dad have.”

“I need him to grow up and move on and get over not liking you. When that happens, things will change. So, it’s up to him to be the adult here and stop being the way he is.”

“I can’t tell you what to do. Just don’t want to ruin anything between you and your mom and dad. I don’t want there to be a rift ‘cause of me.”

“There’s no rift.” And then I said it, my gaze moving back to him. “There’s a rift between us, though.”

Hands scraping over his face, he nodded. “Yeah, there is. I keep fucking up.”

“I know you don’t mean to, but…”

“But I do…”

“What happened last night?”

His eyes closed. “I was really in my head yesterday.”

“Why don’t we get out of here and find some place quiet to just… talk? Ab out everything. And last night. And… us,” I said, a knot of nerves there in my chest, because I wasn’t quite sure where our conversation would take us. “How does that sound?”

Reaching over, he gave my hand a squeeze. “That sounds good. Let’s do that.”

“You also owe me a meal.”

A little smile stretched across his lips. “Yeah, I do.”

* * *

Sawyer knew all the best places in Dallas.

The quiet places no one ever went to, the ones that were soundless besides the gentle sound of birds chirping as they flew past. We sat on the edge of his truck, the tailgate turned down as I swung my legs back and forth, with nothing but green, flat land in front of us.

We were in the middle of nowhere, but I liked it that way.

There were a couple restaurants open on Christmas Day, but I wasn’t really in the mood for anything like that after last night. I didn’t think Sawyer was either. So, we stopped at a gas station, bought some soda and sandwiches, and found a place that was far, far away from everyone and everything.

I took a bite of the sandwich, tongue out to lick at my lips before swallowing, all of that tangled up worry in my chest still very much present. “So… can we talk about what happened last night?”

There was a long pause before Sawyer finally answered. “I have really bad luck.”

“What does that mean?”

“I mean… I had every intention of meeting you on time for that dinner, Holly. God, I even left early, and then…”

“Then?”

His lips parted and then his head shook. “I don’t wanna make things worse. Things are already a fuckin’ mess.”

“Just tell me what happened. Please.”

“Look, your dad said some shit to me, but it was my fault for letting it get to me.”

My eyes moved to the green grass in front of us, my head shaking in disbelief. Of course. “Are you gonna tell me what he said?”

“The usual stuff. I’m sure you can use your imagination.”

“Unfortunately, yes, I can pretty much envision what he said to you very clearly.” Something about money. His job. Him not being good enough. “It was my fault for making you stay at my place. I shouldn’t have done that.”

“No, it wasn’t. It’s my fault for letting him get under my skin. I just wanted us to do something that wasn’t so…”

“Low budget,” I said, finishing the sentence for him. Now I know where he got that term from. “Right.”

“Maybe you get tired of the things we do together. You know…” He nodded to the wide, empty land in front of us. “This sort of stuff. Sitting in a truck eating sandwiches while we look at trees. I mean, this is the kinda stuff I used to do as a kid because I couldn’t afford to do anything else.”

I scooted in closer to him and almost instantly, he wrapped an arm around my waist. “I don’t need country club dinners. One of my favorite things about you is that you never wanna do dumb, superficial things.”

“Yeah, and you literally told me you didn’t wanna go and I didn’t listen to you.” He lifted up a hand, stroking a thumb across my cheek softly. My bruised one. But his touch was so soft and careful that I didn’t even feel a hint of pain. “How’s that bruise feeling?”

“It’s not as bad as it looks.”

He hummed, pressing a soft kiss there, and once again, I didn’t feel even the tiniest of stings.

“I thought you’d like a night out at some place fancy.

That’s the kinda stuff that you’re used to.

That’s the life you’ve always had, right?

I thought it’d be nice, especially after I missed so many dates the last few months.

And I was already so messed up from everything else with us.

I was missing you but I kept making mistake after mistake and I just wanted to make it better but I didn’t know how.

I thought that maybe just for one night, we could be in some expensive restaurant like all the couples in your part of town. That was the plan, and then…”

“My dad happened.”

“Yeah.” He blew out a breath of air. “Well, then my dad happened.”

My eyes widened. “What?”

Sawyer shrugged lazily. “I went back home. My head was a mess and your dad said all that stuff, so I went to the one place where I felt like I wouldn’t feel so fuckin’ out of place.”

“And you saw your dad there?”

“Yeah, we had a nice little fight. That explains the ruined suit and why I was so late.” He gestured to his shirt. “Felt like a classic Westbrook Christmas, actually. Was kinda nostalgic…”

“Oh my God, are you okay?” I sat up straight, putting the sandwich down and pressing my hands to his chest.

“I’ve been in worse fights.”

“But are you alright? Are you hurt? What did he do?”

“I’m fine, princess. Trust me, that was nothing.”

“What a mess,” I muttered. “I was so upset when you didn’t show up last night, and there you were dealing with that. Are you sure you’re okay?”

“It’s not like you knew. It’s fine.”

“I’m sorry about everything. Your dad and my dad and… him making sure you got sent to prison,” I mumbled as anger found its way to me again. “I know you would never do what he accused you of, Sawyer.”

Deep frown on his face, he brushed a thumb against my cheek.

“No, I wouldn’t. Would rather hurt myself than ever hurt you, Holly.

But I’ve been fucking up in other ways. I keep on making mistakes.

I keep… I don’t know, trying to be everything I can, but there are days when that doesn’t feel like enough.

But I made you feel lonely. There I was thinking I was doing the right thing, but really I was making everything worse. Why do I keep making everything worse?”

“I’m not asking you to give anything up, Sawyer. Especially not something you love. If you want to spend all your spare time at the studio, then you’re free to do that,” I said. “I won’t hold you back from anything.”

“It’s not what you think. That’s not why I’ve been there so often the last month.

” His eyes closed for a long moment, thumb still grazing against my skin.

“I miss seeing you. I miss being with you. Just waking up to you is so special to me. And you falling asleep in my arms is the best feeling in the world. I want you all the time, but sometimes I don’t know what I’m supposed to do with a girl like you.

I don’t know what my next move should be with you, because every time I think I’m doing something right, I keep making things worse. ”

My heart twisted at his words. “A girl like me…”

“A girl like you,” he murmured, leaning in to press a soft kiss to my lips.

“My perfect, beautiful girl. How did I get so lucky? I just wanna make you happy, just wanna make you feel loved. I love you so, so much, Holly. I know I need to show you. I will show you. I’ll fix this, I will.

I need more… balance. You and painting and work, but you come first. Don’t ever think that you don’t, that you’re not the first thing on my mind every morning. ”

“But your art should come first, so if you’re happier being at the studio, then I can’t fight you on that.

” I let out a long sigh. “Your art’s important.

I wouldn’t ever want to take that away from you.

If that’s where you want to be all the time, then I can’t stop you.

I won’t stop you. If it’s making you happy, then I’d never ask you to stay away from it. ”

“I love painting, but I love you more. You probably think I’ve been down there making some fuckin’ Picasso masterpiece or something.”

“What are you making? Can I at least know that?”