Page 55 of Infatuated as They Come (Sinful Trilogy #2)

“This is your fault. I’m leaving because of you.” I snatched Sawyer’s bag off the floor and zipped it open, and of course, all his stuff had already been packed, like my dad had been waiting to do that since me and Sawyer arrived.

“I’m trying to like him,” he whispered behind me.

“I am. You think I’m not, but… Holly, how am I supposed to like him when he’s not at all what I pictured for you?

You could have anyone you want. You could have a man who gives you everything you’ve ever wanted, and you settle for a guy who can’t even afford to buy a necklace that’s worth something.

I mean, half the guys in my office tell me they have sons who have been dying to ask you out, wouldn’t you prefer—”

“Do you think that’s what I want?” I snapped with my back to him. “To be sold off to some rich guy with a rich son who just wants me so I’ll look good on his arm? Is that all you care about? Do you even want me to be with a guy who I love or is it all about money for you?”

“That’s not what I’m saying! That’s not what I’m trying to do, I’m just… You can have both. You don’t have to pick between the two. Why won’t you choose someone better?”

“I already chose and I chose Sawyer and I’ll keep choosing Sawyer. You can line up every rich colleague and his son in your office—I’m still picking Sawyer.”

“You’re going to pick the guy who’s got you living in some dump instead of in a penthouse on Fifth Avenue? Does he even know the kind of sacrifices you’re making for him?”

That had me turning around to face him, finally ready to meet his eyes again.

“You don’t even know what you’re talking about.

He’s the one who’s been making sacrifices.

Early mornings, late nights, skipping lunch, just so he can earn money to look after me.

He comes home hungry and exhausted and sore but he does it all over the next day.

He’s giving up his time and energy and body.

He gives up so much. You don’t see that.

You don’t even know, because you don’t ask or care about him, you don’t try like he does.

He tries so hard and it means the world to me that he does it all for me.

He puts me first every single time, even when it means he has to come second or third or forth.

Do you think about that? Do you even consider for a second what he does for me? How he pushes himself so hard for me?”

His lips stayed pressed together and I wondered what was going through his head, if I had gotten through to him, but the air stayed cold and silent for a long minute, and the breath I finally took in felt painful.

This was the man who used to check for monsters under my bed and carry me on his shoulders no matter how tired he was and hug every cut and scrape away.

He felt long gone. Like he didn’t exist anymore. Who was I even looking at?

“Maybe next Christmas you’ll be a different person,” I said, voice sounding strained.

“Maybe you’ll be better and stop being so awful.

He’s not staying here after today, and neither am I.

I love you and I’ll miss you when I go back to New York, but right now…

I can’t stay under the same roof as you. ”

The breath he let out was long and shaky, giving me the faintest of nods. His brows were pulled together, pain there in his eyes. I could see it, and it hurt to know that I was responsible for it, that I was the source, but there was nothing left to do but go.

“I love you too,” he finally said.

“Goodbye,” I muttered, veering around and storming down the staircase, struggling a little with the too many bags I had brought along but thankful that I couldn’t hear his footsteps behind me.

Mom and Sawyer were in the living room, sharing a whispered conversation.

She had his hand on his shoulder as they spoke and I just stood there watching, wishing my father could show the boy I loved the same respect.

Mom noticed my presence, her eyes soft as they landed on me, but they widened when they lowered to the bags I dumped on the floor.

She stood up fast. “Please tell me you’re just going to go stay in the guest house. Please.”

“I think it’s best if me and Sawyer leave,” I said, my eyes landing on him for a second. He was standing up, one hand pushing through his hair. “It’s not good for the both of us to be here.”

“Holly, you can’t leave on Christmas,” Mom said. “You only just got back. We haven’t seen you in months.”

My eyes closed at the pleading tone in her voice. “I’m getting Sawyer’s gifts and we’re finding a hotel to stay in.”

“You don’t have to leave,” Sawyer offered, leaning against the doorway. “I can go.”

“No. That’s not happening,” I said.

“Neither of you have to go,” Mom said. “Stay in the guest house. You won’t have to see your father the whole time, but at least you’ll be here.”

But my head shook as I moved into the living room, eyeing all the presents under the tree.

The ones for my mom, the ones for my dad, the ones for Sawyer.

He was opening them whether we were in my house or not.

Getting on my knees, I stuffed every one with his name on it into the bags. “I’d really just like to go, Mom.”

“I know last night was a mess, but you don’t want to leave on Christmas, right?” she said. “You can’t.”

“Mom, it’s not you. You know it’s not you.

It’s him. I can’t deal with him anymore and Sawyer deserves better than this.

Than to be around him.” I finally stuffed the last present in the bag before turning around.

I hated seeing that sadness there in my mother’s eyes and the overwhelming feeling of guilt slammed right into my heart.

“It’s not that I don’t want to spend this day with you.

I do. So, so bad. I was really looking forward to coming back home, but…

Mom, it’s a mess. I can’t let the guy I love be around this. I can’t and I won’t…”

“I understand that you want to keep Sawyer away from all the cruel things your father says. You’re mad at him and you have every right to feel that way.

” She reached out to me, one soft hand on my arm.

“But he loves you. Don’t think that he doesn’t.

Last night he thought the worst, but he was wrong and I was wrong too. ”

“I get that you were scared. That you thought…” My eyes flicked over to Sawyer who was leaning against the doorway, that sullen look on his face chipping away at my heart. “He would never do that, Mom.”

“You don’t have to leave, Holly,” Sawyer said. “You can stay. It’s Christmas. You stay here and I’ll figure something out. I know how much you wanted to see your parents.”

“No.” I shook my head firmly. “I’ve had enough of him. I can’t deal with it anymore. He can’t even come down here and say sorry to you. Is he gonna stay upstairs all day if we stay or is he just gonna come up with more awful things to say that make you feel like you don’t belong here?”

Mom rubbed a thumb against my arm. “I wish you were both comfortable in this home. That’s how it should be. You should feel like this is a safe place.” She looked over at Sawyer. “The both of you should feel like that.”

Sawyer nodded, giving his tie a tug. “I appreciate how you’ve always tried to make me feel welcome when I’m here.”

“But he doesn’t do that,” she continued. “And that must be painful for the both of you. I wish he wasn’t so…”

“Classist.” I finished the sentence for her. “That’s what he is. All he cares about is money. It’s not just some little, annoying personality trait. It’s just who he is. He needs to change, Mom.”

A weak, sad looking smile graced her face. “I really hope he does.”

I turned around, grabbing one of the gifts under the tree and handing it to her. “Sawyer got you this.”

She moved over to him, pressing a hand to his cheek. “That’s so nice of you. Thank you, Sawyer. I’m sure it’s lovely. I have a few gifts for you under the tree.”

“I packed them already,” I said. “There’s also one there that Sawyer got for Daddy. I’m not sure what you want to do with that one, Sawyer. If it was up to me, I’d keep it for myself.”

“I’ll take care of that.” Mom nodded. “Will you call me later? Please? Maybe at dinner time? We can both eat at the same time. It’ll be like we’re having Christmas dinner together.”

“I’ll call you. I promise I will.”

“This was all such a disaster. You come here.” She wrapped Sawyer up in a giant hug. “You deserve better than to be treated this way. I hope you know that, and I hope you never take anything my husband says to heart.”

“Thanks,” said Sawyer, one hand rubbing at her back. “And thanks for the gifts. I appreciate it.” When they pulled away from each other, he grabbed all the bags from the floor. “I’ll let you guys say goodbye. Thanks for having me over. Merry Christmas.”

She pressed a hand to her chest. “Merry Christmas.”

I heard the front doors click shut, part of me waiting and hoping to also hear my father’s footsteps as he came down the stairs to offer some last minute, heartfelt apology. All I got was silence.

“Next Christmas, I’ll fly up to visit you,” Mom said. “How does that sound?”

“Sounds like it won’t end in disaster like this year. As long as only you show up,” I said.

“Things will be okay between you and your dad.”

“Only if he changes. Only if he tries to be better. Does he want to change and be better?”

She gave her head a shake. “I’m not sure. I’m just sorry he keeps hurting you like this.”

“Yeah, me too.”

“I’ll let you leave now, darling. Thank you for coming,” she said. “At least we got to spend a little time together, right?”

“Right.” Wrapping my arms around her in a hug, I squeezed her tight. “Bye, Mom. I love you.”

“I love you too.” She kissed the side of my face. “Let me know when you both get back to New York.”