Page 27 of Infatuated as They Come (Sinful Trilogy #2)

Sawyer

The feeling of Holly’s body on mine was the best way to fall asleep and wake up.

She was a cuddler, always so touchy feely, and every night I was lucky enough to feel her lay her head on my chest while I kept an arm around her.

It was just as good seeing her pretty face first thing when I woke up.

Just the sight of her alone always made me want to stay in bed with her for the rest of the day, and right there in that moment as I looked at her sleeping face, I was aching to do that.

And then I heard my dad’s words. That stuff about Mom.

There’s no future with a poor man . God, she probably hadn’t even said that shit, but I couldn’t stop hanging on to it.

Instead of staying there with Holly asleep on my chest, I had to pull myself away from her so I could get ready for work. I felt her stirring and I stiffened as I sat next to her, hoping I hadn’t woken her up. Her eyes thankfully stayed shut.

It was so easy to get lost in staring at her, because the second I did, I kept imagining a future where it was just her, her, her.

No one but her. Her in my arms when we went to bed and her in my arms when we woke up.

Her smile and her laugh and her eyes. Her pretty voice and gentle touch and blushing cheeks.

Her in our home—wherever that would be, either here or in Texas or somewhere far, far away—and me coming back to her after a tiring day, because when I finally got to set my sights on her after being gone for so long, I always instantly felt that same buzzing feeling in my chest.

I felt my heart stop as that last thought suddenly went all grey and distorted.

For a split second, Holly was gone. She wasn’t there, she wasn’t anywhere, she wasn’t in our made up home, she wasn’t in my life and neither was my mom and I hated that the warm feeling I got when I looked at Holly was suddenly replaced with something I always tried not to feel.

Those words were repeating over and over again in my head before I could stop them. She’s gonna leave, she’s gonna leave, she’s gonna leave . I couldn’t let the same thing happen. I wasn’t going to let history repeat itself.

Slowly and carefully, I slinked out of the bed as quietly as I could.

I had slept without waking up for a single minute, but I could still feel that sluggish tiredness wash over my body the second I stood up.

My arms and legs and back were sore, but I pushed that away as I looked down at a still sleeping Holly.

One of the sleeves of her shirt had ridden up and I gently pulled it down her arm so she’d stay nice and warm.

I hated leaving her so early, especially without even saying a word to her, but she needed her sleep too.

So, I made sure she was tucked under the blankets and left as quietly as I could.

Sitting there in the kitchen, I ate some of the fancy bread Holly brought home yesterday, my eyes widening when I saw the receipt that had been stuffed into the white paper bag it came in.

Fifteen fucking dollars? She must have gone to some fancy bakery.

I bit into a slice and it tasted exactly like every other cheap grocery store bread I had always eaten.

The sun was just barely starting to creep in through the windows, which meant it was time to leave soon.

I got dressed before grabbing a piece of paper and pressing it to the fridge, a pen in my other hand as I made a messy little drawing of Holly in the aisle of a grocery store before writing a short note underneath it.

They sell bread at the store too. I’m gonna teach you to stop getting swindled all the time. Love you and can’t wait to see you tonight .

I used one of her little heart magnets to keep it secured to the fridge, wishing I could do more than leave her some dumb note.

When I got to work, it was just me and Jay and Lex there, with Lex looking like he was about to fall asleep any second as he slumped himself across the front desk. I could relate. He spotted me first, giving me a lazy attempt at a wave.

“Hey, man,” he grumbled, dark hair all in his eyes. “My uncle’s got you here early as well? Sucks, right?”

“Do you see him complaining?” Jay answered before I could, eyes on the computer in front of him. “It’s called having good work ethic.”

“Whatever,” Lex said. “All I know is that I’m having a nap in one of the cars later.”

“Yeah, I need one too,” I said, leaning up against the desk.

“Don’t let my nephew rub off on you.” Jay nodded to Lex. “We’re gonna be really busy for the next week. Especially today.”

I raised my brows at him. “Great. What happened?”

“There’s a Honda with oil in the brake system,” Jay said. “I’m real worried about the rubber seals. I’m gonna need you to get on that straight away before there’s any damage to the system. I’d get Lex to do it but I’m scared he’s gonna fall asleep on me…”

“I had a long night.” Lex’s head was still on the counter as he spoke. “I need coffee. I need a new job; I hate it here.”

“You’re lucky I gave you this job at all,” Jay muttered with a shake of his head before looking at me. “It’s in the back. Can you please jump on that now?”

“Yeah, I’m on it.” I gave Lex a slap to the back, laughing as he just groaned out a soft “kill me” in response.

If I was lucky, the system hadn’t been fucked with that much and I’d just have to blow out the lines and change the master cylinder. But if I wasn’t lucky—and that was usually the case—then the whole system would need to be changed and replaced, which meant I was in for a real long day.

I dumped my stuff in the break room and quickly found the Honda at the back of the shop, and after a long look, I could tell I’d have to replace quite a few things since the brake fluid had spread out.

I’d be busy all day, but I liked being busy, and I liked knowing that at the end of the day, I’d be coming home to the girl I loved.

It was Holly on my mind as I worked, muscle memory playing to my advantage as I got started on replacing the master cylinder.

I imagined her in front of me, me painting her, me trying to capture every single color.

Her brown eyes and golden skin and dark hair and pink, blushing cheeks.

In my head, I wasn’t some mechanic with sore legs and calloused hands; I was what she thought I could be: I was painting every day and she was my muse, my everything, my biggest and brightest and best inspiration.

By the time my lunch break hit, I had replaced a good chunk of the parts.

I wasn’t planning on eating lunch as I sat down in the break room. I just wanted to rest my eyes for a minute or two. Or three. Head on the table, I ignored the aching feeling in my arms, determined to get through the rest of the day.

“You poor thing,” I heard Audrey’s soft voice say. Then there was the sound of a chair being scraped along the floor. “You look just like Lex. I think he found someone’s car to have a nap in…”

I chuckled, the sound a little muffled. “He’s smart.”

“Smart or lazy?”

“Both. Good for him.”

“Don’t you think you’ve been working too much lately?” Audrey asked. “The last few weeks you get here so early and leave so late.”

I lifted my head up to meet her eyes. There was a sympathetic look on her face as she frowned at me, lips pressed together tightly. “I’m fine. I just didn’t get a lot of sleep last night.”

“Mhm. I believe you.”

But I could tell she didn’t. “I really like it here. I don’t mind all the hard work.”

“You know, Jay was telling me about some art program you were doing. It sounds fun.”

“Yeah, it’s been pretty cool,” I said with a slow nod.

I had been spending my last few weekends down at the studio and I hadn’t realized how good it would be to have all that space and freedom.

No cramped corners and bad lighting. No worrying about getting streaks of paint on furniture in the apartment.

Just me and a blank canvas and all the room in the world to make what I wanted.

“You should paint something for the main office. Something to spruce the place up a bit. What I’m trying to say is that you should paint me.”

I chuckled. “We could do that.”

“I’m sure you’d be happier painting than being stuck here. Don’t get me wrong,” she said, placing a hand on my arm, “you’re very good at fixing cars and we’re so happy you’re part of the team, but wouldn’t you rather be doing something you love?”

“You sound like my girlfriend,” I mumbled.

“Your girlfriend sounds smart.”

“She is. Real smart.”

“You should bring her down here one day. I’d love to meet her. Maybe she has a friend that could motivate Lex to stop sleeping so much.”

I snorted. “Yeah, maybe. She’s been pretty busy, so she hasn’t had a chance to check the place out. She’s on the cheer team too and writes for the paper, so she’s dealing with her own stuff.”

Audrey gasped. “She’s a cheerleader?”

“Yeah. Real good at it too. You should come to one of the games and see her in action. She was head cheerleader back in high school.”

She held a hand to her chest. “So cute. It’s all very Uptown Girl . I can see why you’re working so hard now. I guess it’s all for her, huh?”

“Something like that,” I said with a little smile. My eyes found the clock, and my five minute break that should have been a forty minute break was over. “I gotta head back in now.”

She checked her watch. “You only just sat down. You haven’t eaten.”

“I’m not hungry,” I lied. “I’ll get out of your hair.”

“You and Jay could be the same person, you know? You both work too hard.”

I laughed, moving out of the break room before my aching legs could convince me to stay back a little bit longer.

I liked my job. I liked Jay and Audrey and everyone else, and I wished that was enough to stop me from feeling so damn tired.

If I tried hard enough, I could just imagine the pain away and pretend I was back home with Holly, painting her as she posed for me.

Holly was worth every ache I felt.

* * *

When I got home that night and saw Holly on the couch, I felt guilt replace any of that pain I had been experiencing. She was lying on the couch, hands tucked under her head as her half-lidded eyes moved from the TV to me.

“Hi,” she mumbled.

“Hey, honey,” I said, tossing my bag to the floor. I made my way to her, kneeling in front of the couch, my fingers stroking some strands of hair out of her face. “You didn’t have to stay up and wait for me.”

“It’s okay. It’s not that late.”

But it was just after ten and it was obvious that she was tired from her day too, and the big pile of books around her told me she had been reading all night. “Why didn’t you go to bed?”

“I missed you. I wanted to see you and talk to you, and now you’re finally here,” she said, a slow, lazy smile spreading across her face. “I waited all day to see you.”

Guilt squeezed at my heart, like nails digging into me. “Yeah, baby? I was waiting all day to see you too. You know how hard it is to go all day without you?”

She hummed softly, my fingers still combing through her hair. “It can’t be that hard…”

“It is. It’s impossible. But now I get to look at you. It’s worth it in the end,” I murmured. “Very, very worth it.”

“Are you hungry?”

I was, but I didn’t want her to worry about me. “I’ll eat something quick after I shower. Why don’t you go to sleep?”

“You don’t want to talk to me or something? ”

“No, I do. But I can tell that you’re tired, and by the looks of all these books, it looks like you’ve been reading all night. Your eyes are probably all sore.”

“No, they’re not. And I’m not tired.” But then she let out the cutest, softest sounding yawn.

I chuckled, pressing a kiss to her forehead. “Sounds like you’re tired. Let’s get you to bed. I’ll clean all your books up for you.”

“Wait, no,” she said softly.

But I already had her in my arms and moved her away from the couch and into the bedroom, getting her all settled under the blankets. “There, that’s better.”

“I got us bread, by the way,” she whispered.

“Normal people bread? Or rich people bread?”

Her eyes brightened a tiny bit. “Bread from the bakery. And I did not get swindled.”

“I meant what I said. Gonna have to give you a lesson in not getting ripped off.”

“That sounds fun. Let’s do that.”

“Get some rest, okay?” I kissed her cheek, her skin soft and smooth against my lips. I missed that. God, I missed her.

“Guess what happened at cheer practice today? Claudia said she’s gonna let me help with the choreography for next week’s game.”

“Yeah?” I sent her a smile. “Wait, are you takin’ over as head cheerleader again?”

“No, nothing like that. Just helping with the routine. But it’d…” She yawned again. “It would mean a lot if you came and watched. Will you come watch?”

“Of course I’ll come watch.” I gave her a soft kiss. “That’s great news, sweetheart. But now you need to get some sleep. I’ll be back soon.”

“I’ll wait up.”

“ No . Sleep. I need you to sleep for me, okay?”

“I’ll wait for you,” she said.

But she sounded so tired that I had a feeling that she’d be falling asleep in a few minutes flat.

I pulled the blankets up to her chin, watching as her brown eyes fluttered shut.

She looked all pretty and peaceful lying there and I felt a sea of regret hit me as I took in what I was missing.

What else was I supposed to do, though? I was just trying to be everything she needed, everything she deserved, and there was no future with a poor man . I held back a wince.

Holly wanted the fairytale. I knew that.

I couldn’t give her the castle and the horse drawn carriage, but I could still give her the happiest ending I could help put together for her.

I could still be the man who took care of her, who sheltered her from pain, who made sure she had a roof over her head—even if it was small.

I could be that man. I could be and I would be and I had to be, because I was determined to make sure history didn’t repeat itself.