Page 31 of Infatuated as They Come (Sinful Trilogy #2)

“You’re allowed to be mad at me,” he said. “Be mad if you want. You used to have no trouble getting mad at me before. Tell me what you’re feeling. Please.”

Eyes closing, I finally let it out. “I’m not mad. I’m… upset. ”

I heard him let out a long sigh. “That’s worse than you being mad.”

“It’s just…” My eyes finally opened back up again, the air suddenly all thick with heavy tension as our gazes met. “I barely ever see you anymore. You leave so early in the morning and then you get back so late and then when you make plans you have a habit of…”

“Breaking them.” He finished the sentence. “I’ve been doing that a lot lately, haven’t I?”

“I know you don’t mean to,” I said.

“When I leave the apartment, I don’t think about anything else but coming home to you. You’re the only thing getting me through the day. And I guess lately we haven’t been seeing much of each other on the weekends since I started up at the studio.”

“I’d never ask you to give up your art.” I pressed a hand to my chest. “I would never, ever, ever do that. I’m not talking about not seeing you on those days.

I’m so glad you’re doing something for yourself.

And I know why you want to keep your job.

You want to make your own money and I can’t stop you from doing that.

But…” I pulled in a long breath. “I don’t know, maybe I’m being dumb and selfish, but… I’m still allowed to miss you, right?”

“I’m doing this all for you. All of it.” He looked away from me for a second. “I can’t just… Holly, you don’t get it.”

“Help me understand, because lately I feel like I saw more of you back in school. At least when we were fighting we were still interacting,” I said with a sad little laugh.

I heard him murmur out my name and then the next thing I knew, he was sliding into my side of the booth, his arm wrapped around me. It took me just a second to rest my head on his shoulder.

“I’m sorry I haven’t been here for you,” he said.

“I know this isn’t what you imagined when you asked me to move here with you.

But… I don’t know what else I’m supposed to do.

I want to see you every minute of the day.

I wish I could. Fuck, I’d sneak into your classes at college just to have more time with you. ”

I smiled. “That’s a bit much. ”

“Maybe I’d learn a thing or two.” He brushed some hair out of my eyes. “If not, that’s okay too, ‘cause at least I’d be with you. And I love being with you so, so much. God, look at you. Look how beautiful you look. You always look beautiful. I miss seeing you. I miss looking at you…”

“I just want… I just want to be able to spend more time together, you know? Sometimes I feel like I live on my own. I’d never ask you to give up your art.

You’re focusing on something you love and I’m so happy for you, Sawyer.

I guess I just thought that we’d be seeing more of each other when we moved to New York. ”

He kept stroking at my hair, the movement so soft and calming. “I’m making you feel lonely, aren’t I?”

I nodded weakly. “A tiny bit.”

“I don’t wanna be that kind of boyfriend.

You deserve better than that. I’m just…” He took in a ragged breath.

“Look, guys like me don’t ever get girls like you.

We don’t get to… have things. Good things.

And you’re the best thing I’ve ever had, and I guess I still don’t know what the hell I’m supposed to do with a girl like you.

I can’t give you everything, but I can still look after you the only way I know how to, and that’s what I’m tryna do.

But maybe I’ve been going about that the wrong way… ”

“I already know you can look after me. I know , okay? I know. You don’t have to prove anything to anybody.”

“I just…” He kept his eyes ahead of him as he spoke, like he was bracing himself, like it pained him to get the words out. “I don’t ever want to come home one day and find you gone.”

“You won’t.”

“You never know.”

“Why would you think I’d ever do that?”

“That’s happened to me before,” he mumbled.

I sat up at that, eyes meeting his, and I could see a hint of pain behind his. Just a hint, like he was trying to mask it and keep it at bay, but I could see it. “What are you talking about?”

“I mean…” He rubbed his hands over his face for a moment. “My mom.”

Something painful and heavy suddenly weighed there in my chest and I knew it must have felt a million times worse for him. God, I should have known. “Sawyer,” I said. “I’m not going anywhere. That’s never going to happen with me.”

“There were a lot of things I could have done differently, you know? Things that would have made her stay.”

“You were a kid.”

“It’s just… I’m still holding on to that. You come home from school one day and expect your mom to be there and then you literally never see her again.” He laughed dryly. “It kinda messes with your head a little. I mean, you can’t even leave a note?”

And I knew that his mom had left, but I didn’t know the details.

I didn’t know that . Sawyer wasn’t an open book and it took time to learn about him and his past. I drew in a shaky breath at the visual, not quite able to process how scarring it must have been to come home one day expecting warm hugs and soft kisses only to never experience that ever again.

“That’s what happened?” I finally asked, voice hushed.

“I shouldn’t have said that,” he said, and it sounded like he was rushing the words out. “I already ruined the night by showing up late and now I’m sitting here talking to you like you’re my therapist. Let’s just eat, okay? Get whatever you want.”

My hands found one of his, squeezing him tight, as tight as I could.

Sawyer had been through far too much. All of his anger, his roughness, his abrasiveness—it all made sense.

“I don’t even know how hard that must have been for you, but you are seriously the strongest person I know, because I don’t know anyone who could deal with what you have.

You’re so brave and I wish I could be more like you.

But you’ll never come home to an empty house. I’ll always be there. I promise.”

Sawyer pulled me to his chest, his arms strong as they circled around me.

“It scares me how much I love you,” he said, pressing a kiss to the top of my head.

“I just wanna give you everything I can, and I know that’s not much, but I’m trying.

I know my dad and your dad both think it’s not enough, but I’m not really sure what else I’m supposed to be doing, and…

there’s no future with a poor man, Holly. ”

I pushed my face further into his chest, hating those harsh words. “That’s not true. You know I don’t care about that.”

“Some people do.”

“Is that why you’ve been working nonstop since we got here?” I asked. “I’m sorry she hurt you. You didn’t deserve any of that, but whatever you’re feeling? Whatever fear you’re hanging on to? You don’t need to feel that. I’m not going anywhere.”

“I’ve barely fucking seen you lately and you’re still here making me feel better.

It should be the other way around.” He pulled away from me and we both straightened up, his hands landing on either side of my face.

“You’ve been feeling lonely and you deserve better than that.

You deserve to feel as good as you make me feel.

No, you deserve to feel better than that.

I haven’t been doing my job properly. I was supposed to be looking after you, wasn’t I? I miss you and I wanna fix this.”

“Can we go home where it’s just us then?” I asked softly, suddenly wanting to be anywhere but in the restaurant. “I like it better when it’s just us.”

His eyes flickered over to the menu. “You’re not hungry?”

“I’m starving, but I don’t wanna eat here.”

“You got all dressed up.” His eyes moved over my body. “You look beautiful. You always look beautiful.”

“Well, no one said anything about taking the dress off,” I said with a smile. It suddenly didn’t feel so constricting. “Can we do what we used to do back home? Where we just hung out at your place and it was just us?”

“You really don’t wanna stay here?” He gave me a serious look before squeezing my hand. “Is that really what you want?”

I gave him a nod. “Really.”

* * *

What was in front of me was a million times better than some fancy restaurant. Several Chinese takeout containers all over the coffee table, a Pictionary box Brodie gave me for my birthday in the middle of said table, and my boyfriend sitting right next to me on the couch. Perfect .

I had kicked my heels off but kept the dress on, while Sawyer looked far too handsome with his blazer off and the sleeves of his white shirt rolled up, black tie all loose and crooked.

The fragrant, delicious scent of the Chinese food hit me as I grabbed one of the boxes, twirling a plastic fork around to gather some noodles. “Wait, how is this a fair game, though?” I asked. “I can’t draw to save my life.”

“It’s either this or Monopoly or Cluedo,” Sawyer said. “And last time we played Monopoly you almost flipped the table when you lost.”

“A slight exaggeration,” I said with a laugh.

“You turn into fuckin’ Godzilla when you lose.”

“Let’s just play the game please.”

“Alright, here are the rules.” He held his hands up, voice all low and serious. “Since there’s only two of us this is gonna get complicated. You can’t draw bad on purpose. You also gotta be honest. No pretending like you don’t know what the other person is drawing.”

“Okay, see, you’re gonna accuse me of drawing bad on purpose because I have zero art skills.”

“I promise I won’t judge your little stick figures.”

“You say that now…” I stretched my legs out, letting them rest on Sawyer’s thighs, and I could feel his fingers tracing the softest of patterns against my skin. I reached a hand out, snatching at one of the notepads. “Alright, who’s starting?”

“Ladies first.”

“Prepare yourself for true artistic talent.” I picked up a card, my eyes widening when I saw the word ‘hot tub’ looking back at me. God, I had sat in one a thousand times, but suddenly it was like my brain couldn’t remember what the thing looked like. “Oh no.”

Sawyer flipped the little sand clock over. “Alright, let’s go.”

“Hey.” I quickly started to scribble on the paper, trying to bring all the lines together. “Don’t cheat.”

He snorted. “The timer is the most important part of the game.”

“Yeah, but I need more time for this. Oh my God, I don’t know what I’m doing. I forgot what shapes look like. ”

You didn’t know how short a minute was when you were forced to draw a hot tub. Sixty seconds felt like it flew by as I scribbled against the paper, and then I held the notepad close to my chest.

Sawyer curled his fingers at me. “Don’t be shy.”

“It’s so ugly.” I pouted at him. “You’re gonna laugh.”

“I will, but only for a minute.”

Slowly, I turned the notepad around and met his eyes, noticing a deep frown on his face. He tilted his head left and right, like a new angle would somehow help my monstrosity make more sense.

“What the hell is that?” he muttered.

“It’s obvious. Stop cheating.”

“I’m not. I don’t know what I’m looking at.”

“Look harder.”

He squinted and grabbed the notepad. “Looks like… a girl sitting on top of a washing machine? What the hell was on that card?”

“ No , look closer.”

“Is this you? Is this what you do in your spare time?”

“That is not a depiction of me.”

“You should let me watch next time…”

I laughed, grabbing one of the spring rolls out of the box. “Okay, I get a point, right? That’s a hot tub. Clearly. I drew the water lines and everything. I did my best.”

Sawyer chuckled, head shaking as he stared at my little drawing. “You did, baby. Good job. Absolute masterpiece. You get a point. My turn, right?”

The rest of the night was spent playing the game, with Sawyer drawing just about everything with complete ease and me making an idiot of myself.

The food was good, at least, and the company was even better.

In between our little drawing sessions we’d stop and eat and laugh at all our silly drawings—mine especially seemed to be the most entertaining.

We spent nearly two hours there in the living room just being with each other, and it felt like we were right back in Dallas, back at his place, back where the days went on forever and no one got in the way.

No college, no long work hours. Just me and him.

It was how I loved him. When he wasn’t so worried or stressed about having to impress me, when I wasn’t some rich girl and he wasn’t some struggling guy, and we were just us, and it felt too right for me to ever want anything else.

And then somehow, by the end of the night, I ended up in Sawyer’s lap as he tallied up the scores.

“Well, the results are in,” he said seriously.

“And?” I prompted.

“You won, princess.”

“Yay.” I clasped my hands together. I was pretty sure he just let me win. “This is my greatest ever accomplishment.”

“Well, you draw pretty good for a girl who made an ice cream cone look like ET. Never seen anything quite like it…”

“You said you loved my half ET-half ice cream drawing.”

“I did. It was beautiful.”

“Well, I love those drawings you do of me. The ones you stick on the fridge.” I smiled. “Those are really fun to wake up to.”

“The ones I used to do, you mean,” he said lowly.

My hands pressed to the sides of his face. “I know you’re busy. You don’t have to make little drawings of me just to make me happy.”

He brushed his lips against mine. “But I love making you happy.”

“Well, I kept all of them,” I said softly. “I look at them every now and then. I think they’re really cute.”

His brows furrowed. “You kept those? They were just dumb little drawings I did.”

“They’re not dumb. I love stuff like that. Handmade stuff. I never get handmade gifts like that, so I’ll keep them forever. Things like that mean a lot to me.”

Sawyer stared at me for a long moment, green eyes locked to mine as he kept his hand on my waist. “I’m glad you like them.”

Soon, it turned into midnight, the both of us far too comfortable to move over to the bedroom.

I rested my head against his chest as his fingers stroked through my hair, the joy of the night still feeling like it was tingling all over my body.

Warmth surrounded me, my heart full as my eyelids felt heavier and heavier .

I knew he wouldn’t wake up tomorrow and say, “Hm, I think I’ll quit my job”, but I was hoping that tonight would spark something in his brain that would put all his worries to rest. But as he gave my forehead soft kisses, I still felt nerves and fear combine there in my stomach at the thought that our wonderful night was just a brief moment of temporary bliss.