Page 6 of I’m So Mega

I took a seat behind my desk. This situation was above me but below the Lord now. Mama Goldie took the chair that was on the other side of my desk and moved it in front of Joy. “Now, exactly when did my son have time to get your poisonous, rancid womb pregnant?”

Before she could answer the question, the door came open, and the man of the hour appeared. I wasn’t surprised that Mama Goldie and Mega popped up. I found out a little while ago that he had the restaurant’s camera hacked. In his office, he had television screens that showed the feeds at all times.

“What’s going on in here? Joy, what the hell are you doing in my wife’s restaurant? I thought we had this discussion before,” Mega said. He walked around the desk, leaned down, and placed a kiss on my lips. “What’s up, baby?”

I smiled, then said, “Nothing much. You need to talk to your baby’s mother.”

His head drew back. “Okay, like I said, what’s up? You the only future baby’s mama I got in here.”

When I told him not according to Joy, he spun around on his heels. He stared at her for a moment. “Mama, please.”

“I got you, baby boy.” Mama Goldie walked over to Joy and snatched her up by her hair. Joy was thicker than I was but in a build-a-body kind of way.

I lifted my back from my seat. “Y’all, she said she’s pregnant. I don’t want the baby to get hurt.”

Mega’s head slanted toward his left shoulder. The grin that surfaced on his face was twisted. “Joy, are you pregnant?”

Her hands tried to release Mama Goldie’s grip on her hair, but it was useless. Her cries were silent. She jumped when Mega’s voice boomed as he asked her if she was pregnant again. Her head shook side to side as much as it could with her hair gripped. “No, no, I’m not! I’m sorry I lied.”

Mega peeked over his shoulder in my direction.

Without looking at Joy, he spoke to her.

“Now, what do you suggest I do about you coming in here for a second time since I’ve been with my love and being a dumbass?

I feel like you need to be handled.” He finally sent his attention her way.

“My fiancée does not need to be stressed days before our wedding.”

“Just let me go. I . . . won’t ever bother her again. I’m sorry, Ruth,” she apologized.

I stood up to stand next to my man. “Joy, you’ve been told to leave me alone before, more than once. It’s like you think it’s a joke. I need you to really take heed and just leave me alone. He doesn’t want you and never have.”

“Okay! Okay! I get it,” she blurted.

Mama Goldie pulled her hair back which caused her back to bend backward. “This is the last time I put my hands on you. The next time I’m going to let my bullet kiss your forehead. I don’t play about my son and daughter. Do you hear me?”

She gave her a wordless response by nodding her head. When her hair was let go, she fell back on the couch. It didn’t take her long to scurry to her feet and run out of my office.

I giggled as my eyes bounced between my future husband and mother-in-law. “Why are y’all so violent? I don’t think all of that is necessary.”

Mama Goldie waved me off. “Girl, bye. That little heifer said her rancid coochie was holding my grandchild. All the violence was needed.” She threw up the peace sign. “I’m gone.”

She walked out without a care in the world. Before I could move, two strong arms pulled me into a hard chest. I lifted my head to look into the eyes of the man I would share a last name with in less than a week.

He kissed my neck before he nuzzled his face into it. “I don’t want you to go. I’ma miss you.”

“Baby, you’re going to be having fun at your bachelor party. You’re not going to be thinking about me.” I kissed his lips, then wiggled out of his arms. “I have work to do.”

I heard him groaning, but he would be alright. Neither of us had plans to be home tonight, because both of our parties were tonight. According to our friends, that was intentional.

Bachelorette Party . . .

My hands covered my wide eyes. “Oh my God! Oh my God!”

I should have asked a lot more questions. I should never have let them blindfold me. Fiona, Whimsy, and Shandeli had me at a strip club with male strippers. There was penis everywhere.

“Girl, if you don’t uncover your eyes. They know not to touch you,” Shan said after she pulled my hand down from my eyes. “We’re crazy, not stupid.”

We were in a private section. “Shan, why would you bring me here? How do you even know about this place?”

“Girl, I used to work here. They only do men night twice a month, so I wanted us to be in the building.” She stood up, turned around, and started twerking. One of the strippers came behind her and started to grind on her.

This was too much. Yes, a lot about me had changed, but not that much to where I would be comfortable in this kind of environment. What was sexy about men with a rubber band or whatever it is around their penis. That had to hurt.

Fiona bumped into my shoulder. “You look like you’re not having fun. We’re not going to be here much longer. This is Shan’s portion of the night.”

“I guess that’s good to know.” My body turned toward Fiona. “Shan said that she used to work here. I didn’t know that.”

Before she could say anything, Shan plopped onto my lap. “Hey, girlie. I know you’re ready to leave.”

“I am. Shan, you said you used to work here. Were you a bartender or something?” I asked her.

Shan glared at me, then laughed. “Girl, no. I was, well, I’m a stripper. I gotta feed my babies.”

That caught me completely off guard. “Shan, if you need more money, I could give you a raise.”

“Trust me, bestie. There is no raise you could give me that would equal to the two to three thousand that I bring in on the nights that I work.” She kissed my cheek, then stood back up to go dance with the stripper guy.

I sat there and watched her get her life. I wondered if they were having sex with each other, because they were overly friendly. “How much longer until we get to your portion of the night?”

Fiona chortled. “Girl, let me tell this girl that it’s time to go. You look like you’re about to run out the door.

Beep! Beep! Beep!

A loud sound blasted above the music. People started to run from the back of the club toward the front doors. What in the world is going on?

Fiona grabbed my hand before she told Shan and Whimsey to come on. We followed closely behind each other to get out of the club. I noticed when we were closer to the door that Fiona had her gun in her hand. Jesus, be a safety fence.

We finally got outside to assess what the commotion was. “Oh my God! Look!”

I pointed to the back of the building that was completely engulfed in flames. How could a building catch fire that fast? People were still filing out of the club’s front doors.

“I figured since y’all wanted to take my woman to Sodom and Gomorrah that I’d help Big G with the fire and brimstone.” Mega’s voice startled me. “Shan, you got me fucked up. I know this was your damn idea.”

I spun around to see a very upset Mega. Croy and Ned accompanied him. I stepped into Mega’s personal space. “You did not do this.”

His head jerked back. “Ruth, I’m not sure why you think I operate under the same societal rules as everyone else. Understand that your man would be a walking crime documentary if I ever got caught. Now bring your ass on.”

Lord, what have I gotten myself into.

Back To The Present . . .

I sat there and piped down because she may have had a point. That night, the entire club burned down because it took the firefighters twenty minutes to get there. Somehow, my wonderful man had all the calls that came into the emergency services number rerouted.

If that wasn’t enough, the next day, the news reported that Joy died in her home from carbon monoxide poisoning.

I was in complete shock. When I told Mega, his response was I thought you were about to tell me something important.

He never said that he had anything to do with it, and I never asked, but I had my speculations.

That weekend, I married the love of my life in a beautiful ceremony. The wedding was a lot bigger than anticipated because of the guest on Mega’s side. One thing I appreciated was when you invited billionaires, you received the best gifts.

“Man, fuck all that other shit. Shan, you should have told me about that little boy asking our daughter to that damn dance. It’s cool though. I invited him and his parents to dinner with the Manfields,” Ned informed her.

I dropped my head because I knew nothing sane would come of this. It was bad enough that Mega would be there. Now that the best friends would be together, there was no controlling the ignorance that would commence.