Page 14 of I’m So Mega

There was no amount of words that could explain how semi embarrassed I was at the Southern Hearts & Signed Kisses Sunday Farewell Brunch a few weekends ago.

See, I knew Mega was up to something the night before because he took way too much interest in the details of the brunch.

In my mind, I wasn’t worried, because I knew the tickets were sold out.

Those tickets sold out an entire year before the event.

People wanted tickets badly, but it was a no-go.

Just in case he tried something, I put this holy vagina, as he called it, on him.

I just knew he would still be asleep when I woke up that morning.

Imagine my surprise when he wasn’t in bed with me.

I thought maybe he took the boys out for breakfast because me and the girls would be gone.

He did that often, so it wasn’t out of the norm.

When I got to the living room and saw this man fully dressed, I knew it was going to be a long day. The upside to Mega wanting to crash the brunch was I didn’t have to drive. In my mind, when we got to the door, they would tell him that he couldn’t come in because he didn’t have a ticket.

The girls and I gave our names to the young lady at the registration table first, and of course, we were on the list. Mega walked up and gave his name.

I waited for her to tell him that he didn’t have a ticket, but she didn’t.

She gave this man of mine a damn pass. I wasn’t sure how he pulled this off initially.

It became very clear when Iesha Bree approached us and welcomed him.

She told me about the email, and all I could do was smile and think about how long it would be before he got some of this holy vagina.

It would have been one thing if he genuinely wanted to come to support me.

Nope! His slick ass wanted to confront Kami about the girls’ hair and apparently Jahquel J about my excessive purchases.

It was so embarrassing. Mega pulled out a piece of paper from his back pocket when he spoke to Jah and went through all the book boxes, merch, perfumes, and anything else that I had purchased that aligned to her.

I was almost ashamed to know that it was over $3,000. My husband does too much too often.

By the end of the event, I wasn’t sure if I was the influencer or he was.

Mega’s personality was magnetic. A part of me felt that people were drawn to crazy, because that was what he was.

He was the person that was serious until he was funny.

When he said certain things, if you didn’t know him, you weren’t sure if he was serious.

That was what made it so funny. The girls loved him there, and that, in the end, was what made me happy.

Today, he had work to do in his office, the children were in school, and I was dividing the sick and shut in list for my committee from our church to pray with them. I loved doing this kind of work.

Four years ago, after a lot of praying and fasting, Mega and I asked God to lead us to a new church home.

It had been proven some time ago that it would take a very special house of God to provide the spiritual guidance and leadership that my husband needed.

I didn’t want to church hop, so instead of that, we prayed and fasted.

Fasting was a completely different beast for Mega.

When I offered for us to do a sexual fast, he told me that I was crazy and that was not what Big G had for our marriage.

We agreed to a Daniel’s Fast for thirty days.

The focus of that fast was to draw closer to God through a partial fast that consisted of restriction from certain foods, bible study, prayer, and deeply focusing on God’s word.

The foods that were allowed during the fast were fruits, vegetables, whole grains, legumes, nuts, and seeds.

The foods that were not allowed were meat, dairy, sweeteners (including natural sweeteners), caffeine, alcohol, and processed foods.

This was a sacred time in our marriage, and I thanked God daily that Mega took it seriously. We had to encourage each other because the temptation was real. We both slipped one or two times, but God.

On the twentieth day, I happened to be strolling on TikTok, and a church in Summerville popped up.

It was a fairly new ministry, having been established only two years before that.

The pastors, Wyatt Gilmore and his wife, Ansley, had been married for sixteen years and had five children.

Their ministry, Echo Church, focused on God’s truth about you.

I felt like that was just what we needed.

When I brought the church to Mega, he did all the usuals like have the pastors’ files pulled to dig into their past.

Wyatt had a past that involved him being in the streets when he was younger.

He was born to a crackhead mother and an abusive father, so he started life behind the curve.

He met his wife while he did a bid of five years for manslaughter.

He killed his father. I wasn’t surprised when Mega said that he respected that.

On our first Sunday there, we immediately noticed the diversity of the congregation.

At that time, it was about three hundred strong.

Today, it sat at right above eight hundred.

They were set up much like the previous church that we attended.

The word was good, the people were accepting, and Mega actually loved it.

Pastor Gilmore embraced my husband’s uniqueness and seemed to know how to channel it to maximize the blessing for Mega and others in God’s name.

The woman’s ministry had blessed my life as well.

Like our old church, Echo Church had special interests’ groups, and I was in three.

One for mothers who had lost a child, married women, and women entrepreneurs.

I loved all of them. We rotated houses for meetings, and I loved having them at mine because Pop Samuel always cooked.

Also, none of the women were scared of my fur babies.

There was a time that I didn’t think the sick and shut in was my ministry. One sister in the church completely brought me out of the character that God intended me to have. There was a lot of repenting needed after my visit with her.

Prayer For The Whorish . . .

“This is it,” I said to myself as I pulled up to the address I was looking for.

This young lady was in her late twenties. She recently joined the church at the insistence of her mother. Johnni was an interesting woman who I had problems taking to. I prayed and asked God to give me discernment when it came to dealing with her.

Well, I felt like the discernment came last week when she put her name on the sick and shut in list because she had surgery. I was on that committee as well as the welcome team with Mega. Mega did a lot better on the welcome ministry than he did previously.

A few days ago, Mega came to me with a voicemail that he wanted me to listen to.

I listened to the voicemail and was shocked at the forwardness of this young woman.

These new age women were different. It was no secret that Mega was a married man.

He had my name largely tattooed on his arm.

You couldn’t miss it. The voicemail was extremely licentious.

“ Hi, Brother Mega, this is Johnni. I’m not sure if you heard, but I had surgery recently, so I’m on the sick and shut in list. I hate that I have to miss church because that means I can’t see your handsome face.

I was wondering if you mind coming over to pray over or with me.

Maybe you can give me some special Mega medicine. I’d love to taste your Jesus juice.”

First, what in the whorish hell is Jesus juice!

See, people thought because I didn’t say much that you could play with me.

The only person in this world and the next that would ever get any form of Jesus juice from my husband would be me.

That was the reason that I was here today.

Yes, she needed prayer. I was more than willing and able to give it to her.

“Oh, Ruth, hi!” Johnni opened the door, surprised to see me. “I didn’t expect you.”

I smiled warmly. “I’m a part of the sick and shut in ministry, so I want to come pray for you today. Is that alright?”

“Oh, yes, of course. Come in.” She opened the door wide and stepped to the side to allow me in. “Please excuse the mess.”

Her house wasn’t messy at all. The smell of marijuana didn’t miss me, but I had no judgment about that.

Mega still indulged from time to time. “Your house isn’t messy at all, girl.

It looks lived in. Now, my house is a mess most of the time with a husband and three kids.

Thank God for my maid that comes every other week to take a load off me. ”

Her smile was nervous. “Oh, that must be nice. Your husband really takes care of you.”

“Yeah, Mega is one of a kind. Where did you want to pray at?” I asked. I was ready to say this prayer and get out of this lady’s house.

She directed me to the living room. I asked her if she minded telling me what kind of surgery she had.

When this lady said a liposuction, I wanted to blankly stare at her, but surgery was surgery.

She sat on her couch in a more laid-back position.

I suggested that I pull up a chair from her dining room to sit in.

Once we were settled and comfortable, I began my prayer.

“Father God, we come before You right now with a prayer of health restoration.

We ask that You bless Johnni with a speedy recovery.

Keep her covered and under Your eye during this time of healing.

Ensure that everything heals in the manner that it should.

Give her the beautiful body that she desires and the humility to still walk in Your word and light with it.

I bind the devil of temptation and whorish ways.