Page 20 of I’m So Mega

Jabari had been quiet. He had a real fight with his spirituality.

Dude had been through a lot, but I saw the fight in him.

No one knew, because it wasn’t their business, but I’d intervened in a suicide attempt by him.

That was one of the scariest nights of my life.

One thing I’d learned—not just in my walk with Big G, but just as a man—was you had to be careful how you extended yourself to people.

Your disingenuous offer to be there for a person could mean life or death.

“Yeah, no one knew any better, but God sees all that stuff,” Jabari said without emotion. “You can’t run from God. No matter how hard you try.”

Pastor Gilmore smiled at the revelation that Jabari picked up from the story.

“You’re right, Jabari. Hebrew 4:13 says, Nothing in all creation is hidden from God’s sight.

Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account.

Everything we do, we will have to answer for.

Thank God for His grace and mercy with the chance to ask for forgiveness. ”

“Right, Pastor. God’s eyes are everywhere.

Bathsheba had David’s baby, and all seemed cool for a lil second.

Like pastor said, God sees all, so he sent his prophet Nathan to rap with David,” I told them.

“Nathan dropped this story to David about this rich dude taking this poor man’s only lamb.

David over there on his goofy stuff talking about dude was wrong for taking old boy’s lamb like he didn’t snatch a whole man’s wife.

Nathan looked at that man sideways like that’s you, my boy .

Sometimes, people gotta tell you in a different way about what you do for you to get it. ”

There was short conversation around my last statement. I remembered when Ned had to do that when I was tripping in my marriage. If the people around you couldn’t tell you what was up about you, then you needed new people.

I leaned forward in my seat. “David picked up what Nathan was saying, and he felt bad. He knew he’d messed up on the ultimate level.

Here’s the thing. You can repent, and God forgives you, but that doesn’t absolve you from the consequences of your actions.

” I tilted my head. “It’s like when a female who had an affinity for sleeping with married men gets saved, then all of a sudden, she thinks nothing is going to catch up with her. Remember, you reap what you sow.”

At times, a part of me felt like that was the case when I lost Megha. I’d done some crazy stuff, and I knew Big G would have to handle me at some point in time. I just never imagined it would be that. They asked me what happened.

“The baby that Bathsheba and David had got real sick. While the baby was sick, David did all the things. He prayed, fasted, kept his faith in the Big G. Unfortunately, the baby died before they could even name him. After the baby died, folks looked at David like he was coldhearted because he took his losses with the same strength that he took his wins. He cleaned himself off and kept it moving. Later, God did bless Bathsheba and David with their son Solomon who became the king and that dude.”

The room was silent for a moment. Pastor Gilmore broke the silence. “Mega, what did you get from that story?”

“I mean, you can be a real dude that makes mistakes, but you got to be real enough to own up to it. What y’all think?” I knew what I got from the story. I wanted to know what they got from it.

Jabari sat up. “To me, it’s about resisting temptation and having discipline. No one is perfect, so yeah, you might slip. If you do, though, don’t be a lame and not man up. A part of being a man—well, a person—is being real about what you do and understanding that stuff comes with it.”

“Yeah, that’s what I thought too,” white boy John said. “I think it was about greed too. David had everything, but he let his peen be his downfall and make him fall into a desire he should have never had. Like heavy is the head that wears the crown. Don’t make it heavier with your stupid stuff.”

I sat there as others gave their lesson with a smile. They got it, Big G. Croy was the last one to speak before I closed it out. “So, I want y’all to think about this. What made David a man after Big G’s heart?” I paused so they could take in the question. “It was David’s heart.

“Yeah, he did a bad thing, but that wasn’t who he was.

He slipped, which is allowed. On some real, you can’t always define yourself by your actions.

It’s your heart. The moment you define yourself by what you do in opposition of your heart, you become that action.

Once you can define yourself by how Big G sees you and settle in that, you can move and work toward being the person Big G intended you to be.

I slip almost every day, but I also man up to it when I know I’ve slipped.

Sometimes I don’t know that I slipped, and I have people around me that are solid to let me know. ”

We all sat there silently taking it in. This was the perfect story to show redemption and Big G’s grace. Jabari broke the silence. “Um, how do you like start that walk for real? Like, is there something you got to do?”

My eyes trailed over to Pastor Gilmore. He smiled. “Mega, I think you know how that’s done. You want to enlighten the group?”

“Have any of you heard of the sinner’s prayer?

” I asked. I assessed that some had, and some hadn’t.

“Basically, it’s a prayer where you man up to being a sinner.

Let Big G know that you believe in your heart that His son died for our sins and that Big G rose him from the dead.

After that, you ask Him to help you not sin and allow Him into your heart.

Roman 10:9 says, If you declare with your mouth, ‘Jesus is Lord,’ and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. ”

“Like, you gotta say certain words in the prayer or something?” white boy John asked.

Pastor Gilmore asked them whether any of them wanted to do the prayer.

He told them not to feel pressured. Big G was a patient God and would never turn his back.

He would be there when they were ready. Jabari, white boy John, Desmond, Mel, and Sammy said they wanted to.

Pastor Gilmore helped me carry them through the sinner’s prayer.

Call me Minister Mega. Nah, but I was proud that in my imperfection, Big G could still use a nigga like me.

Brother – Sister Date . . .

I knocked on my mama and Samuel’s front door with a bouquet of purple roses. Moments later, the door was opened by Samuel, who wore a bright smile. “What’s up, man?”

I dapped him up. “Ain’t shit” We moved inside to the living room. “Is Megan ready?” I asked.

“Yeah, she should be down in a second. Jayme finished her hair not so long ago. Goldie should have her dressed by now.”

We both sat on the couch. We chopped it up about a little bit of everything. I stood when I heard footsteps behind me. Jayme and Goldie led the way. “Hey, Mama and Jayme.”

“What up, Mega?” Jayme greeted. Step sis was a bit of a wild child. She frustrated the hell out of her father.

I greeted her with a smile before I greeted my mother with a kiss on her cheek. My mother’s happiness was everything to me. I thanked God that Samuel came around. “Where is little miss?”

A little voice sounded off behind my mama. “I’m right here, Mega!” She popped out from behind our mama. When she let out a little gasp then looked down at her dress, I laughed. “Your shirt matches my dress.”

Megan’s favorite color was purple. Every time we had a date, my mother sent me a picture of the dress that she planned to wear. I always made sure I matched my baby sis’s fly. “Nah, your dress matches my shirt.”

She rolled her eyes. “That’s the same thing, silly. We’re saying the same thing, just backwards.” She ran toward me.

I squatted down to present her the flowers. “This is for you, little miss. Do you like them?”

The bouquet was almost too big for her. She did her best to grab them. “I love them.” She looked up at Samuel. “Daddy, can you help Mommy put this in the glass thing?”

Samuel came over and took the bouquet from her hand. “Yes, I will, baby girl.” He squatted to get semi eye level with her. He was a tall man. In a low voice, he said, “I’ll make sure she cuts the stems like she’s supposed to.”

In a low voice that matched her father’s, Megan responded. “Thank you, Daddy. Remember you got ta use the lil rose food in that pack.”

Our mother put her hands on her hips. “Y’all know that I can still hear y’all.” Her eyes rolled up to the ceiling. “You kill one bouquet of flowers and suddenly you’re a flower murderer.”

“No, Mommy, you’re not a flower murderer. You’re just a flower killer. Murderers mean to do what they did most of the time. Sometimes you can accident kill. You accident kill my flowers, so you’re a flower killer,” Megan pointed out.

Jayme’s face scrunched. “Megan, how do you know that? You’re four. What do you know about murderers and killers?”

“My brother taught me, duh.” She pointed at me. “Mega, you need to teach them so they can know too.”

I laughed at how she dry snitched on me. “I got you, Sis. Let’s get out of here, lil miss.”

I got out of there with her so fast before our mama could trip about why I taught her the difference between a murderer and a killer. Technically, I taught my sons, and she happened to be there.

She talked my ear off from her seat in the back as we drove to her favorite place of all times. When we pulled up, my attention went to the rear-view mirror. Megan was dramatic and she got it honest.

Her hand went to her chest and that little gasp left her mouth. “You brought me to the Fila of the Chicken? Mega, I love it.”

“You know I have to spoil lil miss.” I parked then helped her get out of the car. She straightened her dress before she put her hand in mine.