Page 5 of I’m So Mega

“I can’t wait until he finds out. This shit is going to be funny.” Fiona thought the school dance situation was funny. She loved to hear about our preteen strife since her kids were out of the house.

I side-eyed my best friend. “Shan, I told you to tell him before he got back in town from his assignment. You know if Mega knows, then he’s going to tell his best friend.”

When Maggie told her dad that Ryne’s friend, Payton, was going to the dance with Kellie, I knew it was about to be a mess.

I knew Maggie didn’t have anything in her closet to wear for the dance, but we needed to get out of the room.

I had to warn my best friend. Ned was on a mission, so she was the only person who could reach him outside of dispatch and his bosses.

“Girl, I’m not worried about Ned’s ass. He will be alright.” Shan waved me off.

Mekole giggled. “I see you love to tempt crazy. You’re different, Shan.”

That was my best friend. It was her and Ned’s thing to walk the crazy line. “Alright, best friend. You know Mega is going to see Ned tonight and when he does?—”

My words were cut off by Shan’s phone ringing.

When I glanced down at it on the table in front of us, I crossed my arms over my chest. “I wonder why he’s calling?

” I had to antagonize her because she knew our husbands together were nothing nice.

“And it’s a video call. Oh, he wants to see your face when you explain this to him. ”

Fiona pointed her finger. “Bitch, cast that shit to the television. I know this is about to be good as hell.”

Shan flicked her off as she answered the phone. “Hey, baby. Everything good?”

She may have flicked Fiona off, but Shan did cast her phone screen to my television on the wall of the den where we were. Ned’s face was tight and bright. “Don’t ask me no stupid shit like that, Shan. Who is Payton?”

There was silence for a moment. Until my wonderful husband’s voice broke it. “Yeah, Shan! Who is Payton?”

“Mega, mind your business!” I told my husband. At forty-four, he still was the pettiest and most ignorant person that I knew. It was just at a more mature level. He was maturely ignorant.

“Ruth, please don’t speak to me. Me and you aren’t one hundred yet. Going to let that nigglet take my twelve-year-old daughter out on a date.” Mega’s face was in the camera with Ned’s.

Fiona and Mekole were having a big laugh at Shan’s and my expense. I wasn’t about to argue with this man.

After Ned asked a second time, Shan responded. “Payton is the young boy that asked our daughter to the dance. He’s going with Kellie, and his best friend is going with Maggie. Isn’t that so cute?”

Shan muted her phone when Fiona burst into laughter. “Bitch, you tried it. You know that man doesn’t think that’s cute. He’s about to get in that ass.”

“Shan, you know that shit isn’t fuckin’ cute.

Stop playing with me and Corleone.” Ned’s tone was calm, which was dangerous.

“So, you out here letting our daughter go on dates now? What’s next?

She becomes a waitress at Glory Soul Food, and some nigga comes in talking about, that’s my wife.

Now we got an aggie nigga following around our daughter like a puppy. ”

“Whoa! Whoa! Tell me how you really feel, nigga.” Mega’s face popped back into the camera. “You got a problem with me and my wife’s love story, homie?”

Ned and Mega picked at each other all the time.

We all knew it was in good fun, so no one took it seriously.

Since I was an extension of my husband, I needed to have his back.

My face came into the camera. “Yeah, Ned, do you have a problem with our love story? My man knew that he wanted me and acted accordingly. Mr. Burn The Club Down.”

Shan’s head slowly turned in my direction. “Is that what we’re doing, best friend? If you ask me, my man learned that burning shit from your husband.”

Fiona laughed again. “She got you there, Ruth. You can’t deny that shit.” They got on my nerves.

Nearly Fourteen Years Earlier . . .

“Girl, I can’t wait until tonight! It’s about to be lit as hell.” Shan turned around and twerked her ass on me.

I laughed at my bestie. It was crazy that I really had a best friend that showed me she loved me every day.

Platonic love was just as strong as romantic.

We were standing on the expo line in the kitchen of my family’s restaurant.

“Girl, stop putting your butt on me. I wish y’all would tell me what we’re doing.

I’ve never heard of a secret bachelorette party. ”

So much had changed in less than a year.

I met my forever person and found out my father was an evil devil who was having sex with a person who I called friend, as well as numerous other women in the church.

Well, I wouldn’t say friend, more like associate.

I also found out that my father was an embezzler.

He was in jail now, awaiting trial, and I was with the man that shot him in his hand with no remorse. Mega was my ultimate protector.

When Mega asked me to marry him, I never thought he would tell me that I had three months to plan our wedding.

Even when he said it, I didn’t take him seriously.

That all changed when a wedding planner met me at my mother’s house a few days later.

Now we were less than a week from a wedding that was planned in three months.

“You damn right it’s a secret,” Shan blurted. “See, I know you well enough to know that if you knew the plans that all it would take is Mega putting his mouth on you and you’re going to tell his crazy ass everything.” Her hand went to my shoulder. “Sis, you can’t be trusted.”

My face contorted. “Really, Shandeli. That’s how you feel about me?” I gave a mock look of hurt. “I think that I’ve gotten better.”

“I’m happy you think so. Just know a time will be had tonight.” I knew by her high smirk, these friends of mine had something up their sleeves. Lord, please let it be something not scandalous. I wasn’t sure why I prayed, because it was what it was.

We were busy today, so Shan and I helped with the expo line.

Shan was an amazing manager and best friend.

As we made sure plates were correct before they went out, one of our waitresses came to the back to let me know that one of the patrons wanted to speak with me.

Lord, what now? It was rare that people asked for me.

I washed my hands before I headed to the front. My steps slowed as I approached the hostess stand. Today—well, ever—was really not the time for this girl to be here. I had a feeling that I would have to trespass her at some point. “Yes, Joy, how can I help you today?”

This girl was like a water bug. She would come out to be annoying, go away, then pop back out like the nuisance that she was. It had long ago been established that my man never wanted her on a level that was deeper than sexual. Delusional was a real thing.

She crossed her arms over herself and rolled her eyes like she didn’t come to my business and ask for me. “Um, I wanted to inquire about catering for my baby shower. I was told this was the best place to provide the catering.”

With a genuine smile, I responded. “Congratulations on your impending motherhood. However, Glory Soul Food is not available for your event.”

“How can you not be available when I haven’t told you the date of it? What kind of business is that?” She snickered. “I always knew you weren’t about anything, just like your janky restaurant.”

Stay calm, Ruth. You are in a restaurant full of patrons.

She wants a show, cancel it. “As the owner of this establishment, I have the right to deny service to anyone for any reason that I see fit. This is me formally denying you service. I also request that you not step foot on these premises again.”

She took a step back. My eyes couldn’t help but to lower to take in her midsection.

She didn’t appear pregnant. There wasn’t even a small bump, but that could mean nothing.

Some people carried small. “Bitch, fuck you! You think you’re the shit because Mega put a little ring on your finger that means nothing. ”

I laughed unexpectedly. This lady was stupid as well as blind. There was absolutely nothing small about the ring that was on my finger. “Joy, I promise you don’t want to be here any longer than you should. I advise you to leave while you have a chance.”

“What the fuck you gonna do, call the police like the bitch you are? I know your holy roller ass ain’t gonna whup my ass,” she taunted.

“If you want a reason to try to beat my ass, I can give you one. While you’re claiming that fuck nigga, he’s still fucking me good.

” She rubbed her non-existent belly. “Matter of fact, this is his baby.”

There was no need for me to say anything or argue with this silly girl. My enforcer had just entered the building. That was faster than anticipated.

“Ah!” Joy’s scream was loud. Her eyes were wide.

Mama Goldie had a tight grip with one of her hands on the back of her neck and the other in her hair.

“Bitch, I don’t know what the fuck is wrong with you.

It’s like you want to get beat the fuck up, or do you want to die?

” Mama’s voice was low but audible, which made it more intimidating. “Ruth, what did this hussy say?”

“Apparently, Mega and her are still having sex. She came in here to inquire about catering for her and Mega’s baby shower,” I answered. After a scan of the restaurant, I realized that there were more eyes on us than I preferred. “Mama, can we take this into my office?”

With her hand still gripped around the back of Joy’s, who was now in tears, neck, and the other hand in Joy’s hair, she guided her to my office. When we got in there, she pushed her onto the couch. “Have a seat, you naked mole-rat.”