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vladi

W atching the player skating down the ice, I track their every move.

Analyzing even the slightest body language is the key to anticipating how they will try scoring on me.

Try being the key word. They won’t. Specifically, this particular player.

I know his moves. He’s a fancy motherfucker who goes top shelf every time.

I glance from the puck to his face, his eye quickly shifting toward his linemate.

If he were going to shoot, he’d have the puck on his dominant side by now, but it’s still centered in front of him.

My eyes flash. He’s going to pass. I prepare for a shot just in case, but I can feel in my bones he’s going to pass.

I wait until he subtly pushes the puck to his side, then I shift my weight, ready to block the shot from his teammate.

As I’ve predicted, the puck glides across the ice to the other player barreling toward me.

The shot crosses in front of me, and I make a big push, shifting across the net to make the save.

I drop into butterfly, using my pads to keep the goal behind me completely blocked.

The puck hits my stick, deflecting away from both attackers.

A smile cracks my face as I take off my mask to catch my breath and take a sip of water.

As I turn back, they are skating over to the net, shaking their heads in disappointment.

“Fuck, Vladi, can you let us get one shot in today?” Larsy grumbles during our conditioning skate. We are trying to make sure our old asses are in shape for training camp in a few weeks. We aren’t young rookies anymore and we need to be in top form for the season.

“No shit!” Zack chimes in. “We thought we had you with Larsy passing to me. How the fuck are you so good?”

“If I go easy on you, none of us get better,” I scoff. “If we are going to win a Cup this season, there’s no going easy on anyone. Not during practice. Not during games. Play every day like it’s the final, and we can take this team all the way.”

“I’ve had enough of you handing my ass to me for today. Let’s call it and hit the showers,” Larsy says, still catching his breath. “A bunch of us are headed to Walt’s later. Want to join us? Get in a round of drinks before the season? Plus, Liv’s singing tonight.”

“I’ll think about it.” Fuck, I am thinking about it.

It’s been a week since I’ve seen her. I thought nothing could be worse than the months we were apart after our first night together, but now that I know I want her, that I love her, the agony is like a slap-shot to the chest with no pads on.

The worst part is this wound is self-inflicted. I fucked up. Big time.

I’ve relived every moment of our last conversation like I’m watching game tapes.

The sting of seeing the hurt in her eyes still sits on my skin like a bad sunburn.

I’ve never longed for someone like I do for her.

I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve jerked off with the pair of panties from that night.

But it’s more than just her body. It’s all of her.

Her snark. Her confidence. Her unflinching approach to life.

Warmth ghosts in my chest, a reminder that somehow even the chaos of that woman calms me.

At the beach all I wanted to do was to get back on the ice to clear my mind, for some sort of divine wisdom to fall into place. But after a lot of staring, the ice hasn’t spoken a word to me.

But back at the resort… she did.

And so, I came to a decision.

I decided to try.

“I have an appointment this afternoon, so we’ll see how it goes. I’ll let you know.”

Zack flashes me a proud smile. “Are you going where I think you’re going?”

I tilt my head, doing my best to hide the smile creeping up. “Can we not make a big deal out of this?”

“Vladi,” Larsy pipes up, “you know we love you right? We’re proud of you for doing this.”

“Yes, yes. Everyone gets to be proud. Why can’t everyone just be quiet and leave me to deal with this alone?” I spit back, half annoyed, but half touched at their encouragement.

“Don’t make me call Bougie to have him tell you how much we all care about you,” Zack threatens. “I’m sure he’ll plan a speech or poem or an ice dancing routine. Just be glad it’s only the three of us here today.”

I laugh at my friends. My best friends . Zack is as much of a brother to me as Larsy is. And, if I’m being honest…fuck, I’ll never admit this out loud, but Bougie is too. And they do all care about me. Even if my mind tries to convince me otherwise.

Larsy pats me on the shoulder with a smile. “Let us know how it goes. We’re here if you need us.”

“So, Vladimir, tell me a little bit about why you’re here today,” the woman sitting across from me in the recliner says. “I know you’re a goalie for the Riders, but tell me more about you. ”

I lean back on the couch, unsure if I’m supposed to feel comfortable or uncomfortable.

The Kleenex box next to me indicates people cry in here.

For fucks sake, is she going to make me cry?

I let out a loud sigh as I clench the arm rest. Where do I even begin?

Focus, Vladi. You can do this. You have text messages from Zack, Larsy, and Kristi all telling you as much.

I crack my knuckles as I take in a deep breath. “I’m here because I need help. With my…with some things from my past.”

She gives me a warm, encouraging smile. “It’s a big step to come here today, and I’m here to help in whatever way I can.

I want you to know I’m not going to tell you what to do or how to feel.

I’m simply here to help you process things and see if we can find some coping techniques.

I know you mentioned some trauma from your past during our intake call, and we’ll get to that in time, but first, I just want to know a little bit about you.

What you like to do. What makes you happy.

” She shifts in her chair, writing on her legal pad.

“I’d like to start by asking what made you finally decide to talk about some of the things that have been bothering you.

Was there a catalyst of some sort that brought all this on after all these years? ”

A catalyst. That’s one word for it. For her.

The feisty, fiery brunette that stumbled into my life so many months ago and didn’t allow me to forget about her despite how hard I tried.

Despite ignoring her and trying to move on.

She burrowed herself so deep in my heart and refuses to let go.

Like a damn splinter you try to remove but won’t come out.

Fuck if she isn’t a goddamn splinter in every way.

But this splinter is one I never knew I needed, and now I can’t live without it.

“A catalyst?” I chuckle with a smile. “You could say that.”

She smiles back at me, this time with a bit of confusion. “And what would that catalyst be?”

“I fell in love.”