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To find our own woman with big tits on her chest

You’re living the dream, in life and in hockey

And we’re glad you’re on our team in Milwaukee

So, here’s to you Larsy, you damn lucky bastard

Now let’s celebrate by all getting plastered!

The entire bar howls with cheers and laughter as Zack and I struggle to keep Larsy from exploding. He breaks free, marching right up until he’s inches from Bougie’s face. His hands violently shake as he tries to form words.

“Thank you for the… delightful poem, Bougie,” he says through gritted teeth as the fucking rookie smiles and nods back with enthusiasm. “But if you ever, ever talk about one of my wife’s body parts again, you will be living the rest of your life breathing through a goddamn tube.”

“Chill man; it’s all in good fun. I knew you’d love it, Hayesy-poo!” Bougie responds, calling Hayes the nickname Olivia called him once in front of us. We’ve never let him live it down, however, this is not the time. I quickly grab Larsy, forcing him back down into the seat next to me.

“Does that kid have a fucking death wish?” Larsy growls, still trying to calm himself down.

“He’s twenty-two and he doesn’t have a woman like the rest of us,” Zack says. “You know him and his playboy image. He doesn’t get it. One day he’ll have someone he cares about, then he’ll understand why you almost ripped his throat out.”

“Actually,” EJ says, leaning in conspiratorially, “I heard a huge rumor about Bougie’s love life. Apparently, he has a massive crush on someone. ”

“Seriously?” Zack says. “Who is it? We need this information—we are obligated to give him shit about it.”

“I don’t know, man. But Tay said Bougie hasn’t even gotten laid since he saw this woman because no one will ever compare to her.”

“I don’t believe that for one second,” Larsy spits back, glaring at the rookie in question as he takes a shot off the bar without using his hands. “How the hell does Tay know this anyway?”

EJ shrugs. “Tay just knows shit, but he never reveals his sources.”

“TAY!” Zack yells, the poor bastard popping up like a prairie dog. “Get your ass over here!”

Colton Taylor comes running over to join us.

“What’s this rumor about Bougie having a crush on someone?” Zack demands, leaving no room for a non-answer from him.

Tay immediately glares at EJ. “Sounds like someone needs to shut their trap when I tell them something confidential.”

“I tried! But after that dramatic poetry reading, I feel like we could all use a little ammo on Bougie,” EJ responds.

Tay sighs and nods his head very matter-of-factly. “It’s true. He’s got it bad for someone. And I mean bad .”

“Who the hell is it?” I ask, leaning in closer to him. This vodka is kicking in, otherwise I could give a shit about gossip, but now I’m curious.

“I don’t know. My source only told me he is madly in love with someone and hasn’t been with another woman since he saw her.

He secretly sends her gifts, which I can only imagine how extravagant those are with his nepo-baby money.

Did you know his family is the top real estate developer in all of Canada?

Most girls would be all over that kind of wealth.

But apparently, this one acts like he doesn’t exist. Doesn’t even give him the time of day. ”

I lean back, draining the last of my vodka. This is a side of Bougie I never thought I’d see. Maybe he isn’t as ridiculous as I thought. Shaking my head, I relight my cigar. No…no. He’s still ridiculous. But maybe he does have a heart.

“Alright, Riders,” Zack says, “Our new mission? Find out who Bougie’s got a hard-on for. First guy who figures it out gets five grand donated to their favorite charity.”

“Hell yeah! I’m in,” EJ says with a vicious grin. “I’m all about harassing Bougie for charity.”

“Is this what happens at a typical bachelor party?” I shift in my seat.

“No,” Tay says, in his usual serious tone. “Usually there are strippers.”

“Did someone say strippers?” Bougie shouts from across the room. He’s been seemingly oblivious to our conversation, but apparently that word got his attention.

“NO!” we all collectively yell back at him.

“Olivia will kill me if there is a stripper here,” Hayes says, dragging a worried hand down his face.

“Oh God, Kara too. I mean, we’ve gone to a strip club together, but seeing one separately is against the rules.”

“Wait…you go to the strip club together ?” Hayes gasps, eyes wide, and I have to admit I, too, am curious about how this works.

Zack flashes a wicked smile as he taps the ashes off his cigar.

“Yep. You want to get your woman all worked up before you go home? Take her to the strip club. The first time we went, I convinced her to go with me to watch a UFC fight because the place we normally went was packed. I remembered they show all the fights at The Beaver Tail, so we went. Turns out she was kind of into it.” He takes a smug drag from his cigar.

“That’s how baby number three was conceived. ”

“Holy shit. I never would have thought of that.” I look at him, perplexed. “And she doesn’t mind if girls are all over you? ”

“Well, they aren’t really all over me with Kara herself rubbing me like a koala bear. But we’ve gotten a joint lap dance before.”

“Fuck man! That sounds hot as hell,” EJ shouts.

“I do not think I could get Olivia to go with me,” Larsy says with a tinge of disappointment. “She’s very…adventurous in the bedroom, but she’s pretty prim and proper in public. I think she would be mortified if anyone saw her at a strip club.”

I can’t help but laugh as I think about the insane amount of cocks Maggie has for the bachelorette party.

“What’s so funny?” Larsy asks.

“If what you said is true, Maggie was right. Olivia is probably horrified right now. The amount of dick decorations at their party is probably more than the legal limit allowed in this country. I wonder how that’s going.”