Page 24

vladi

“ S o, Maggie caught you jerking off with her panties last night, huh?” Hayes shouts the moment I’m done teeing off on the first hole.

My entire body deflates. Fuck me.

I knew Hayes and Zack had something up their sleeves when they told me it would just be the three of us this afternoon.

At least he didn’t call me out during my backswing.

A knot forms in my stomach, not wanting to discuss this with them.

Of course, Larsy had to bring it up on the first hole.

Now we have seventeen more for them to hound me for details I would rather not share.

“Why would you think that?” I grumble, walking to put my driver back in my bag.

“Olivia texted me.”

“Kara sent me a voice memo asking if we could role-play it later.”

I roll my eyes. Geezus, do these women talk about everything? I suppose since they already know, there’s no use trying to deny it.

“What about it? ”

“For starters,” Zack chimes in, setting up his own shot, “I have a million questions.”

Lord help me. “It’s a private matter.”

“Bullshit, Vladi!” Larsy gives me an evil glare, calling me out. “I’ve known you since college for fuck’s sake. Spill it.”

“There’s nothing to tell.” They don’t need to know I already spilled on the bathroom counter while I watched Maggie touch herself.

Knowing her finger was rubbing herself the way I’ve been longing to for months.

Goddammit, that was hot . If I weren’t on a golf course near the surface of the sun, I would probably be getting hard just remembering it.

“Is that why she walked by the gym in basically nothing today?” Zack pipes up, doing nothing to hide his teasing laugh.

Larsy’s eyes nearly pop out of his head. “She what ?! Holy shit. Sad I missed that show.”

I slam my driver into my golf bag, my jaw clenched knowing any of my teammates saw her in that outfit. It’s not that I mind if she flaunts her body, but not…not until I’ve claimed her. Not until everyone knows that she belongs to me.

I get in Larsy’s face. “What’s that supposed to mean? Did you want to see her half-naked body today?”

“No! Hell no! Shit, Maggie is like a sister to me. I would never do that to you. Plus, she’s not my type. You know Olivia is the only one I have a hard-on for. I’m just sad I missed all the commotion.”

“Vladi, take a breath,” Zack says, patting me on the back. “No one is checking Maggie out. No one on this team wants to get a beating from The Wolf.”

“Everyone knows she’s yours,” Larsy says with a pointed look, “even if you don’t.”

I step back, cracking my knuckles at my side. “She is not mine.” Yet.

“Look man, I don’t want to interfere,” Zack says as I look at him with a raised eyebrow, “but the way you acted this morning, and just now, I think you’d be awfully sad if she wasn’t yours.

Deny it all you want, but we see the real you behind your grumpy-as-fuck exterior.

You want her. And to be honest, I think you need her. “

“Z’s right.” Larsy walks over to place his ball on the tee, pointedly ignoring my glare.

“Maybe you’ve been avoiding relationships for so long because you haven’t found the right person.

I never in a million years thought I would meet a girl and marry her in a matter of months, but when I met Olivia, I knew she was the one.

I know you’ve been through some shit but being unhappy while you long for someone you want so badly…

is that really what you want for your life?

” He takes a swing, his ball landing right in the middle of the fairway, just a little ahead of mine.

“Is that something your mom would want for you?”

Dammit.

My pulse races, the pain hitting me deep as I remember my mother so vividly, as if the worst day of my life is repeating itself.

I can still picture her lying helpless on the ground as I hid around the corner just as she instructed.

Feeling helpless. Broken. I was frozen. Alone. Scared. Sad. Horrified. Guilty.

I rub a tired hand down my face, not seeing the beauty of the course around us.

“It’s so easy for both of you. You have happy lives with at least one parent able to share it with you.

Everyone I have ever loved has been ripped away.

My mother suddenly when I was young. My father slowly from a long, drawn-out illness.

It doesn’t matter what I want. I’d rather be unhappy for the rest of my life than risk losing her forever. ”

Zack places his hand on my shoulder. “We’re always here for you, Vladi.

I can’t imagine what it’s been like to go through all of that, but you are my family just as much as you are Larsy’s.

And here we are. We’re all okay. You look out for everyone on this team, everyone in your life.

There isn’t a play on the ice where you don’t know exactly where everyone is and what they’re doing.

You would pummel anyone who tried to hurt Olivia, Kara, or any of my kids. ”

I swallow hard, emotion thick in my throat as I stare at the ground, hoping it will give me some sort of wisdom like the ice does. The ice calms me. It’s the safe haven where I find peace. Where I go to forget. There’s no ice here, so the grass on the golf course will have to do.

My dad was never one to express his emotions.

I would get an occasional ‘I love you, my son,’ but we didn’t discuss my mother very much.

He didn’t bring her up, and I felt like if I did, it would only make him sad, make him blame me.

So, I kept quiet. But the silence didn’t stop the ache, it only made me miss her more.

He was a proud man, trying hard to take care of me.

He moved us to America with the hope of a different life away from the memory of what happened.

He never showed it, but I know he missed her every day.

And he never forgave himself for not being with us to protect her either.

Still, as bad as it was for him to lose the love of his life, he didn’t have to see her the way I did that day.

As I stare into the blades of grass, they urge me to be bold enough to confess the one thing that’s been haunting me.

I flex my fingers, letting out a loud sigh.

“Ever since I met Maggie, I have been waking up to nightmares of my mother dying. But instead of my mother,” I swallow hard, trying to find the strength to get this out, “…it’s Maggie. Maggie’s the one motionless on the sidewalk. And…and I don’t know how to make this go away.”

Zack and Larsy stand quietly, staring at me with pity after my confession. Damnit, I shouldn’t have brought this up. Larsy breaks the standoff between us all and hugs me.

“I know you hate hugs, but you need one. I’m so sorry for what you’ve gone through.

But that doesn’t mean it’s going to happen to Maggie.

” He steps back, seeming to reluctantly release me.

Maybe I did need that. “People leaving sucks. Especially someone passing away like your mom. But God forbid should anything happen to Olivia, I’d still rather have my heart ripped out than never have been with her at all. ”

“Same with Kara,” Zach chimes in. “Even if I knew I could only have her for one week of my life, I would still take that time to spend every moment with her. Listen, I know what you’ve gone through is something we’ll never understand, but…

have you ever thought about talking to someone about all this? ”

I scoff, folding my arms over my chest. “You mean like a shrink?”

“Yeah, Vladi. Like a therapist,” Zack says as he puts a hand on my shoulder.

“The league and the players association actually have a lot of resources these days. I went to talk to someone about my brother’s drinking problem.

It was affecting my whole family, and I was constantly stressed about it, which made Kara stressed because I was having a hard time balancing being a good husband and father, and trying to be a good brother while not being an enabler to him.

It fucking sucked.” Zack massages the back of his neck, looking at our cluster of balls down the fairway.

“It really did help me to talk to someone. Someone who is there to advocate for you alone, and help you find ways to cope with things like this.”

I let his words sink in, a lightness spreading through my chest. I never knew Zack went to therapy. Could I do something like that? “You did this? You…you talked to someone about it?”

He nods with a tired smile. “I did. And it was one of the best things I ever did for myself, my marriage, and my relationship with my brother.”

“Vladi, we see the way you look at Maggie, and there’s no denying the way she looks at you,” Larsy reassures me. “If you want that, we just want you to know we’re here for you. In whatever way you need us.”

I thought I came here to golf with them, not have my damn life analyzed.

I straighten my posture, my eyes fixed on anything but them.

Fuck it if they aren’t right . And fuck them for being good teammates, friends, and, I grunt to myself, cracking my knuckles again, the family I have always needed.

I never wanted to deal with my past outside of offering my pain to the ice, but this damn woman has my brain all sorts of fucked up. I have some major thinking to do.

“Thank you both. I will consider it. Now, can we get on with this damn game so we can finish golfing before the damn sun melts my skin off?”