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vladi

“ S hit! How does this damn thing work?!”

I am awoken from my nap to the sound of cursing. As I open my eyes, horror hits me at the extreme number of penises strewn about the room.

“Magdalina, why the fuck is this room filled with cocks?”

“Oh shit. Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you up,” Maggie apologizes as she sits on the floor amidst the chaotic mess of discarded plastic bags she’s ripped open and scattered across the room.

This woman knows how to make a mess. “I’m just trying to get all of this ready for tonight, but this damn centerpiece is broken.

Cheap online shit. Should have sprung for the more expensive penis centerpiece. ”

There is a giant blow up penis sitting on the table, the straws she mentioned earlier placed delicately in a cup, a sash covered in cocks, a penis shaped pinata, penis candy, and some very realistic penis syringes. I focus, trying to keep my jaw in place. What the hell are they using syringes for ?

“You said you got straws,” I say, getting out of bed and walking toward her, continuing to survey the current state of our room, “…this is way more than straws.”

“Because Olivia will be mortified by all of this! And as her best friend, it’s my job to make her feel mortified. Are all these penises making you feel a little insecure there, Wolfie?”

I bite back my smile. Insecure is the farthest thing from what I’m feeling right now.

Normally, I don’t like nicknames. In Russia, nicknames are for dogs, and no matter how many times I tell Bougie that, he still wags his idiotic tongue.

But when she calls me Wolfie, the hair on my arms stands on end.

And now a calmness washes over me at the sound, a feeling like we might finally be in a good place.

“ Lisichka , do you honestly think any of these puny little things would make me feel insecure?”

Her cheeks turn a pink hue making my cock twitch. Is she… blushing ? Holy fucking vodka.

She looks back at the cheap little paper centerpiece she’s fidgeting with, her eyes suddenly afraid to look my way. “No.”

“Does it embarrass you being in a room full of penises with me? Is that why you’re blushing?”

She looks at me with fire spread across her face, her nostrils flared. “I am not blushing. I got some sun on the boat today; that’s why my cheeks are a little red. I have no problem with a room full of penises.”

I smirk, knowing this conversation is getting to her, and I’m about to go all in. “You’re thinking about my penis now, aren’t you?”

Her eyes dart back to the centerpiece. “NO. I’m just trying to fix your penis, I mean this penis, I mean…fuck!” She grumbles to herself, throwing the paper combed decoration across the room. God, I love when this woman is flustered.

Walking over, I pick up the paper cock and return it to her. “You keep telling yourself that, Maggie fucking James. Now, would you like some help?”

Her brows raise in surprise. “You, Vladimir Volkov, are offering to help me fix my penis centerpiece?”

“If it will help you not be stressed about it, of course. What is the problem with this…whatever this is?”

“You need to pull the paper around like this, and it’s supposed to have a little clip that keeps it together.

But the damn clip broke. And of course I’m not at home, so I don’t have tape or glue or any goddamn craft supplies,” she huffs as she, once again, throws the paper decoration on the floor.

Normally I hate when people whine and pout—it’s childish and shows a lack of control.

So why the hell is her pouting making my heart beat so rapidly?

And why do I want to help her with this ridiculous task?

“Hang on—I have an idea.” Walking into the bathroom, I grab something out of my toiletry bag and hand it to Maggie.

“A band-aid?”

“Why not? It’s adhesive, flesh colored, and if you secure it with that, I bet no one will even notice the penis was damaged.”

She snorts an adorable laugh that pierces through my chest. I rock back on my heels, cracking my knuckles. Her laugh does something to me; soothes a piece of me that has been neglected and hardened for so long. And now I crave it.

“I guess you’re right. Actually,” she says as she tears the wrapper and uses the bandage to fasten the paper penis together, “this was a great idea. It works perfectly, and you’re right—you can’t even tell!” She peers up at me through her lashes, a wide smile spreading across her face. “Thanks.”

“No problem. Any other penis problems I can help with?”

“Actually…since you’re up, that pinata needs to be filled with candy, and I still have to get dressed and put my makeup on. If you ha ve time, that is. I’m not sure when all the guys are meeting up, but I’m running a little behind.”

I sigh, looking over to the phallic cardboard box and snorting out a laugh. “Yes, lisichka . I will fill your penis pinata with the penis candy. I have plenty of time. Go get ready.”

“Thanks, Wolfie,” she smiles as she saunters off into the bathroom to get glammed the fuck up as I’ve heard her say before.

I know women spend hours on their hair and makeup, but she is beautiful without any of that.

Even as sick as she was last night, she was still the most breathtaking woman I’ve ever laid eyes on.

And because of that, here I sit, dumping little packages of candy penises into a pinata.

I must say, renting out a cigar and rum bar for the bachelor party was one of the better ideas Bougie has come up with.

While I’m still not going to admit that I actually like him, when I realized it was my responsibility to plan something for Larsy, I froze.

I had no clue what to do. I take a sip of my drink, trying to swallow down the nerves still bubbling up just thinking about it.

I’ve never been a best man before. I’ve been to weddings but have never been close enough to the groom to be in the wedding party.

So, when Bougie randomly came up to me and said, ‘You know what we should do for the bachelor party? Rent a cigar bar at the resort!’ it was perfect.

Especially when I looked at the online menu and saw they also had premium Russian vodkas.

And I didn’t even have to lower myself by admitting I didn’t know what the hell I was doing.

Of course, I acted like it was the worst idea I’d ever heard, then told him to get away from me.

But that bastard just smiled when I grunted at him.

It’s almost as if he knew I needed help.

Fucking rookie . Shit, he’s not going to be a rookie at the start of the new season.

I crack my knuckles. I’m going to need to come up with some new insulting nicknames to keep him in his place.

For now, I’ll enjoy my cigar, some vodka, and time with my teammates.

Glancing through the haze, I feel the tension that normally sits heavy on my chest disappear.

This group of guys is special. The Riders made it to the second round of the playoffs last year, and we have a lot of talent in this group.

There will always be trades during the offseason, but luckily, most of us here this weekend have contracts continuing with Milwaukee.

“Vladi, care to share with the class why you were hauling a giant penis pinata across the resort earlier?” EJ says loud enough for the entire room to hear, taking a seat next to me as he takes a puff of his cigar.

The rest of the team whirls toward us, suddenly very interested in our conversation and raising their eyebrows in surprise.

“I was helping Maggie. She apparently ordered every decoration available for the girls’ party.”

EJ raises his chin, tilting his head to the side with a wicked smirk. “So, we’re helping her with party planning now? Got it.”

I crack my knuckles, swirling the vodka in my glass. “Can we not talk about this all night, please?”

Zack puts a hand on my shoulder. “Sure thing, Vladi. We can stop talking about it when you stop attacking every person with a penis who looks her way, like the boat captain earlier. Hell, even I’m scared to look in her direction this week. What’s gotten into you?”

“Nothing. She just…she got under my skin. I apologized to her. Consider this my apology to all of you for my actions. I overreacted. Besides, we are here to celebrate Larsy, not grill me about Maggie James. So…let’s all raise our glasses to the groom!”

The guys erupt with cheers, allowing me to successfully escape that conversation. Thank God .

“That’s right, Vladi,” Bougie stands from his seat, “And I have prepared a toast for Larsy.”

“No one asked you to do that.”

“I know, right? That’s why I’m so amazing…always prepared!”

I roll my eyes as EJ leans over to whisper, “I don’t know why, but I’m scared.”

I touch my glass to his. “You and me both.”

Bougie pulls out his phone as he looks around the room with unwavering confidence. “Larsy, I’ve written a poem for you titled: Bougie’s Bachelor Party Poem.”

I shake my head, not having any clue how truly bad this is going to be but preparing for the worst. Larsy sits next to me, the blood draining from his face as if on the verge of passing out.

Bougie clears his throat and begins to read…

’Twas the night to celebrate Larsy

And we’re here at your bachelor party

You found yourself a super hot wife

One woman for you for the rest of your life

No more random hookups with chicks

No more puck bunnies to suck on your dick

Together forever and ever you’ll be

So make sure you keep your new wife happy

Now here’s my advice, no sarcasm

To help your dear wife reach orgasm

Each night you should lick along her slit

‘Till you finally reach her swollen clit

Larsy’s face is a deep shade of purple, his fuming anger manifesting in his fists. I place my arm on his chest, holding him back from murdering our defensemen, as Bougie continues .

Then like a tornado, your tongue you should swirl

And she’ll scream your name like a very good girl

While most of us are all still on our quest