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vladi

“ I ’d like to make a toast,” Bougie says as we pour shots in Hayes’ hotel room.

“NO!” we all yell in unison, still not over the trauma of the bachelor party poem.

“What?!” His eyes dart around the room, one hand raised in mock innocence. “I’m going to behave today. This one doesn’t even rhyme!”

We all look around, rolling our eyes at one another.

He steps forward anyway, raising his glass.

“Larsy, I just wanted to say I’m so happy for you!

Despite being an old man, you found an amazing wife, and I’m so honored to be here to celebrate your happiness.

I can only hope to find love like you found with Olivia one day,” he says with a slight sadness in his voice as he trails off, a rare moment of emotion.

He clears his throat as he continues. “Congrats on your wedding day! May many years of happiness follow. Cheers!”

Hayes walks up to Bougie and gives him a hug. “Thanks. That was actually very…thoughtful. And heartfelt. I appreciate it. ”

“Anything for you,” Bougie says, hugging him back.

“That’s a side of Bougie I haven’t seen,” Zack leans over to say. “Not a hint of cockiness or arrogance about him. That was actually kind of sweet. What the fuck is going on with that kid?”

“My thoughts exactly,” Larsy says as he joins us. “Maybe he’s growing up? Zack, you have kids; is he finally exiting the toddler phase of life?”

“Maybe our ‘old man’ ways are finally rubbing off on him,” Zack replies, nudging Larsy with a smug grin.

I look between them, confused. “What does a ‘rub off’ mean?” I ask. They both look at me with wide eyes before bursting into laughter. “What? What does it mean?”

“It means when you spend a lot of time with someone, they start to act more like you. However, when you say rub off just by itself, it means jerking off.”

I shake my head and roll my eyes. “Why does everything have to mean more than one thing in English? In Russia, a word is a word. End of story.”

A loud knock suddenly comes from the hotel door. My heart pounds in my chest and my throat tightens. Is everything okay? Where is Magdalina?

EJ stands closest to the door and walks the couple of steps needed to open it.

“Everyone decent in here?” a familiar, cheery voice pops around the door. “Just wanted to come see my son before his wedding!”

“Hey, Mom,” Larsy says, giving her a hug and a kiss on the cheek as Kristi enters.

“Boy, you kids all clean up nice! You’re all so tan too; it’s nice to see you getting some Vitamin D instead of being cooped up under fluorescent lights every day.”

Muffled snickers come from around the room as she speaks .

“I don’t know what the inside joke is, boys, but I’m not having it today!” she yells in a half-annoyed mom voice.

The room echoes with guys saying, ‘yes ma’am’ and ‘sorry, Mrs. Larson’. I don’t understand this joke either, but I’ll have to get clarification later.

The photographer sneaks in behind Kristi, taking photos of us, then Hayes and his mom while she pins a flower on his jacket.

My throat tightens, something pulling behind my ribs as I try to take a deep breath.

The momentary distraction provides me an opportunity to get a few minutes of peace, and I head to sit on the couch by the window in this suite.

I need a few moments to myself to look out at the endless sea and quiet the thoughts plaguing me.

To find the strength to make it through this day.

After a few minutes with no interruptions, I feel the weight shift on the couch next to me. “You doing okay, Vladi?”

My heart lifts at the sight of the maternal figure beside me. “Hi, Kristi.”

“You didn’t answer my question. I’ve known you since you and Hayes met.

You’ve always been like a son to me. I heard what happened,” she twists her hands in her lap, “And I wanted to check in on you after everything. You feeling okay? Are you up for this today? You know Hayes will understand if you’re not. ”

I nod in response, showing her a small smile at her thoughtfulness. “I am…I will be fine. I honestly don’t remember a lot of it.”

Kristi grabs my hand, holding it with both of hers.

I flinch at the reminder of my mother doing the same when I was just a boy.

“I’m here for you if you ever need anything.

We are all here for you. I can only imagine what all that brought back up for you last night.

For Pete’s sake, I’m still shaking just from hearing about it all!

” She takes a moment to compose herself, blinking to hold back her tears.

“But you need to know you are a good man, Vladimir. What you did last night to protect Maggie, that’s… that’s love. ”

I shake my head, my gaze falling to the floor. “I don’t know about that.”

“Lucky for you, I do know. And I’m the closest thing you have to a parent, so you are going to listen to me,” she says, as I roll my eyes with a wry grin.

“I know I haven’t been hanging out with you kids all week, but that doesn’t mean I haven’t been watching.

I can see how smitten with her you are. It’s written all over your face.

The minute she walks in the room, your entire demeanor changes.

The way you look at her? It’s honestly the same look I see Hayes give Olivia.

” I scoff, convinced the heat is warping her vision.

“It’s the same look Walt and Johnny give each other.

You love that girl, whether you want to admit it or not. ”

My pulse races at the mere thought of loving her.

I run my hand down my face, lowering my chin in defeat.

“She is the most captivating woman I’ve ever met.

I can’t even describe what it is about her.

She’s all-consuming. Overwhelming. Chaos incarnate.

But, even if you’re right, what if I can’t love her?

What if I don’t know how to love her like she deserves to be loved? ”

“That’s something I can’t help you with, honey. But trust me when I say this,” Kristi pats her hand on top of mine, “you have it in you to love her.”

I swallow hard as her words sting and soothe my aching chest all at once. What if she’s right?

“I see it inside you, Vladimir. I see it with my special hockey mom powers. During all the games I’ve sat through in my life, you know what I got really good at?

Reading people. Being a hockey mom is the best people watching there is.

Watching the players on the team, the other parents in the stands, the siblings running back and forth from the concession stand, the refs, the coaches, all of it.

I can tell you what shot someone’s going to take on you in a shootout better than you can.

” I arch a brow, the corners of my mouth twitching, but Kristi doesn’t seem phased.

Once again, she may be right. “And you know what I’ve noticed watching you all these years?

The way you love all of those around you.

The way you care for everyone, looking out for all of them with a ruthless intensity.

The wisdom and leadership you give to your teammates on and off the ice.

I know you like to come across as the big, bad broody goalie, but I know that’s not what’s in here.

” She points her finger at my chest as something soft and aching settles over me.

“I want to…I want to keep her safe. I don’t know how.”

“Give yourself some credit, sweetheart. Look at all you’ve accomplished! If anyone can figure this out, you can. It may take some time, but you’ll work it all out in that noggin of yours. You have a big heart. Don’t forget it needs to be filled up with love just as much as you pour it out.”

“I hope you’re right.”

“Vladimir Volkov, are you questioning me? Don’t make me smack you upside the head here in paradise!” she says with a forced scowl.

“I would never question you, Kristi. Thank you for your words of wisdom.”

“Now give me a hug; I have to go get back to my other son,” she says, wrapping me in her arms the way only a mother can.

I take a moment to absorb everything. The tightness that started in my chest the night we met is no longer paralyzing me.

My heart beats strong and steady – the blood rushing through me is overwhelming and calm all at the same time.

The truth crashes over me like a wave I never saw coming—like a rare puck a defender missed, slipping past and catching me by surprise.

Everything everyone has said to me, everything I’ve been fighting without realizing… they’re right.

I love Magdalina James.

Warmth spreads through me like kindling that’s finally caught fire.

I fucking love her more than I ever thought possible.

She came into my world and shattered everything I thought I wanted in life, putting me back together piece by piece.

The ache in my heart when she’s not here is familiar.

I’ve felt it every day since I lost my mother, a longing to see her once more.

What I wouldn’t do to make that happen. And now?

My Magdalina is right here, one floor down in another room, and my heart longs for her to be closer.

I don’t think it will ever not long for her.

It hasn’t stopped since the gala all those months ago.

The crushing weight of reality pulls me down from the high.

I still don’t know how to get past the demons inside me.

I don’t remember anything after pulling that damn guy off her until I woke up in the medical unit.

What if that happens again? How do I keep her safe?

How do I keep myself from going to prison if I accidentally kill someone next time?

I really need to get out of this heat and back on the ice, back to my place of peace and comfort, so I can clear my mind and figure this out.

But there’s no time for figuring out my life right now.

I have best man duties to attend to. Larsy deserves a wonderful wedding, and I’m going to ensure that happens.

I shake my head as I stand, trying to focus on the day’s events.

But as much as I try and set it aside, the thoughts gnaw at me from the inside out, bubbling up to the surface and threatening to boil over.

What the fuck do I do now?