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CHAPTER FORTY-EIGHT

-Clay-

ONE SECOND I was bent double with his pain, fear, anger, and the next there was nothing. It was like all of the oxygen had been sucked out of the room. Like I’d plunged into icy water. Like I’d stepped forward into open air and I was falling. The sudden loss made me gasp, and for a dizzying second I wondered if I had died; I couldn’t see, hear, or feel anything. I must be dead, that was the only possible answer.

But then gradually my sight came back and I was still in the bay, lying on the cold, metal floor.

Everything was numb. My lungs began to burn, and I remembered to breathe. I sucked in deep, ragged lungfuls of air, my hand clutching to my chest where there was nothing, nothing, nothing.

In the back of my mind, I could hear a muffled voice from a great distance, repeating my name over and over again. Caldwell, on the other side of the door. But the noises meant nothing to me.

I clutched my chest harder with both hands, as if I could hold together this big dark hole that had opened up inside me.

The soul bond was gone. He was gone. Arcay wasn’t there anymore.

What happened? Did I get too far away and the bond broke? But he said it was impossible to break. Was there a way to break it that he’d never told me about? But no, he wouldn’t lie about that, after everything that had happened. And anyway, I would have known, I would have felt it.

My mind raced. Arcay had said he was going to take care of it. What did that mean? He’d said the bond lasted for life, right? What had he done? Was he…?

No, my mind skittered away from the thought.

He wasn’t…

He couldn’t be…

I scrambled up as if the thought were a horrible, whirring insect and movement would stop it from landing. I had to get out. I had to go back.

I slammed my fists against the locked door, the metal ringing out and reverberating through the tiny room. I knew I was shouting, the noise vibrating in my throat, but the words were a mystery. Probably something along the lines of ‘let me the fuck out’ if I had to guess. The lingering numbness was replaced by a sudden and undeniable rage that filled my body, directed at the solid metal door that stood between me and getting to Arcay.

In response, voices raised on the other side, loud and arguing, and I redoubled my efforts.

“What’s going on?”

They were barely audible over the din.

“He’s going to hurt himself.”

“Get this door open. Now.”

I took no notice of the words. They weren’t important. Only one thing was important. I would break this door down with my bare hands if I had to.

It shifted, and I pounded it harder, delirious enough to think I was actually breaking through. All at once, the door swung open, and I almost fell into a crowd of concerned faces on the other side.

I paused long enough to see Caldwell beside the captain, who was saying something, before I shoved through them, head down, using my elbows to forge a path. Somehow I broke through them, and I raced away, ignoring their shouts and the sound of running feet echoing behind me.

I ran, not thinking or feeling, only aware of the hole inside me growing bigger and bigger, consuming everything. Another set of wide doors blocked my path and I looked up. My instincts had led me to the cargo bay. Of course, I didn’t need to take the whole ship and crew with me, all I needed was a pod.

But inside, the large bay was mostly bare; huge white jars from the Aldar that stored food and water and supplies, and some spare machinery parts. No pods. My stomach sank. The Aldar must have moved them to another part of the ship when they fixed it, and stocked up for the journey home. I cursed, but as I turned to go something at the back of the bay caught my eye. Directly next to the hangar doors that opened to the outside of the ship, something large was covered in a sheet. I ran to it, hope growing. I grabbed the edge of the sheet and yanked it away. My space jet stood gleaming proudly in the dim light of the bay. Arcay’s gift to me.

He must have had it stowed here for me before he let the crew go. He wanted me to keep his gift. The hole in my chest tugged painfully and my eyes stung.

God damn him. And god damn me. God damn both of us for being such fucking idiots. I wanted to slump down on the floor and cry until the tears filled the emptiness inside me.

But the sound of clanging footsteps and raised voices drew my attention back to the hangar doors. I had to stop the crew from getting into the cargo bay, or it would be too dangerous to launch the jet. I didn’t want to hurt anyone more than I already had.

Without a second thought, I ran to the external hangar doors, ripped the safety casing from the wall, and slammed the airlock override. Alarms blared as the hanger door began the process of opening and the door to the cargo bay that I’d come through lowered behind me. I needed to get in the jet and away as quickly as possible, but I lingered to watch it close, making sure that none of the crew made it inside.

The door lowered slowly. Figures appeared in the passage beyond, drawn by the blaring alarm. I caught a glimpse of Caldwell, eyes wide as he ran and then stumbled to a halt. I watched the realization dawn in his eyes. He was too late, he wasn’t going to make it in time. And he was right, the gap between the doors was only a few inches wide now. I didn’t know if I would ever see any of them again. Probably not. It would hit me later, like a sledgehammer, but I had to do this. Even if it was pointless and Arcay was already—I shook my head, dislodging the thought.

“Clay!”

Caldwell’s shout was the last thing I heard before the doors sealed.

There wasn’t much time left now. Racing back to the jet, I climbed inside as the pressure in the bay began to drop. I strapped myself in and waited for the hangar door to open. With a clang the mechanism engaged, gradually revealing the darkness of space beyond strewn with stars. Thankfully, the Aldar had strapped the supply jars in place, or they would have been swept out into the expanse. My fingers played across the controls as every second the dark hole in my chest grew. I couldn’t wait any longer. With the doors still not fully open, I fired the engines. They roared to life, sending a thrum of vibration through me. Locks disengaged, throttle down, and in a rush of noise and light, I blasted out into the blackness of space, aiming for the black blob that had started all of this. The aching hole in my chest pulled me forward, and I prayed that I wouldn’t find what I was too scared to let myself think, even as tears trailed down my cheeks.

I’m coming, Arcay. Please don’t leave me.

In no time at all the wormhole wavered before me, spasming. A light on the jet’s console buzzed, catching my attention. I peered at it. The comms channel. I hesitated, then pressed it, accepting the hail. A frantic voice filled the jet as I set my sights back on the wormhole and braced myself.

“Clay what the hell are you doing?”

It was Caldwell.

“I’m sorry, buddy,” I said. “I have to go. He needs me.”

“I don’t understand what’s happening, Clay. Please come back,” Caldwell begged. “We can help you,”

I set my jaw. The pleading in his voice tore me apart, but I didn’t know what to say to make it ok for him.

He spoke again, more urgent this time. “Clay, the captain says the wormhole is about to collapse. If you go through now, you won’t be able to come back again.”

The stars blurred as I pushed the jet faster. “I know. I’m sorry.”

“But—”

“It’s ok, I promise. I want this more than anything I’ve ever wanted in my whole life.” I spoke quickly through gritted teeth; as soon as I hit the wormhole, the line would go dead. “I can’t leave him. I love him.”

Laughter bubbled up with the words, almost hysterical. Because it was true. I loved Arcay, and I was the universe’s biggest idiot for not admitting it. And now it might be too late. I dragged my wrist over my eyes.

The black hole seemed to reach for me with its tendrils, eager as a lover.

“Clay stop. Please.”

“I’m sorry, buddy. Say goodbye to everyone for me.”

The line cut off as darkness swallowed the jet.