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CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

~Arcay~

I OPENED MY eyes and groaned. Every part of me ached like I had been trampled by a herd of aldabeasts .

“Arani, hold still please.”

My surroundings came into focus slowly. Kesk was kneeling over me, Lendel at his elbow, beyond them the familiar walls of my quarters.

I blinked to try and clear the fog from my brain. I was lying on the floor in my living chamber, with my betas peering down at me. Why was I—

My eyes flew wide as the fight returned to me in a rush.

Clay.

Where was he? And how did I get back here? I must have passed out from the blood loss after the fight, leaving Clay alone again . I had no idea how long I had been unconscious. What if he had been attacked again? What if he had managed to escape?

I struggled to push myself up

“Where—” a sudden wave of pain from my back engulfed me and I lost my vision.

“Stay still.” Kesk pressed against my shoulder.

I growled and heaved myself up anyway, ignoring him and the pain. I had to go and find Clay. I would fight all of the alphas on the ship if I had to. And if he had left the ship, I would take a craft, hunt him down, and drag him back—

I stopped. Clay sat a short distance away on one of the padded cushions. He still wore the golden chains, bedraggled now and blood stained, and his leg was out in front of him, wrapped in stiff, white bandages. Apart from that, and the scratches on his cheek from Ulgar, he seemed unscathed.

He was still here. That was…unexpected. Lendel and Kesk must have managed to bring him back somehow, while also retrieving me. I felt a wash of humiliation at the thought of my betas carrying my limp body across the ship. It would not do for the Second to be seen in such a state. Hopefully, no one else had been around to see it.

My sheer relief at seeing Clay was short lived though, as anger took its place.

“What do you think you were doing?”

Clay looked blankly at me, a crease between his eyebrows. Of course, I was speaking in Aldarian and he did not understand me. I tried again in Panlin.

“Why you…you…” I was so angry I was having difficulty forming the words. I gave up, made a noise of disgust, and motioned impatiently for the translator. Kesk fetched it and handed it over. I tried again, growling as the device chewed my words and spat them out in a way that Clay could understand.

“What were you doing out there?” I snarled. The translator spoke for me mechanically, carrying none of the anger I felt.

He didn’t reply. It was obvious what he was trying to do, but I wanted to hear him admit it.

“What were you doing? Why were you out of my quarters?”

“I was trying to leave,” he said.

“Why?”

He blinked at me again. Surely it was not a hard question.

“That was reckless and dangerous. Anything could have happened. You could have been hurt, you could have been killed. You nearly were killed. That Qualark would have eaten you if I had not found you in time. And if not, then Ulgar would have taken you for himself. You could have—I might not—” I threw my hand up and growled in frustration, unable to articulate the bubbling rage I felt inside. “You have no idea the panic I went through when I found you missing. I did not know if you had been taken, or…”

Kesk eased me up into a sitting position and started to tend to the wound on my back. I ignored him.

“Why?” I asked again. “You agreed to stay.”

Clay’s confusion morphed into outright disbelief.

“Are you fucking kidding? Are you insane? You really can’t see any reason I’d want to run away? Because you’re horrible, you’re mean, you’re grumpy, you literally kidnapped me and are holding me here against my will. You locked me in a tiny room. You tied me up for hours. You stripped me. You took me away from my ship and my friends, you didn’t even let me see them before they left. Do they know where I am? Do they know I’m alright? You bossed me around, forced me to do things I don’t want to do. And on top of that, you’re scary as hell. Our agreement meant absolutely fuck all.”

For a moment, I was lost for words.

“You owe me your life,” I said, the device relaying the words in its gentle robotic voice.

“I don’t owe you shit.”

“I saved you from that ship, it was wrecked and you would have died if I hadn’t taken you and healed you. You should be grateful.”

“I’d rather have died on my ship than have to spend time with you,” Clay shouted.

My anger erupted. I lept to my feet, ignoring the way my limbs shook, picked up a table, and launched it across the room. Clay ducked as it shattered against the wall. Then I got my hands under one of the low, padded benches and heaved it up, flipping it end over end.

“I have never met anyone so infuriating, so contrary and stubborn.”

“Yeah? Well same here. You’re a spoiled, selfish, psychotic, delusional rectum—”

I drove my fist into the wall over Clay’s head and he flinched.

“If you weren’t an omega I swear…”

He glared up at me. “Yeah? What?”

“Arani ?”

Kesk was looking at the state of the room, worry creasing his face. It was enough to bring me back from the brink of rage. I stepped away from Clay until there was a safe distance between us, shaking my aching fist out.

“Never leave my quarters again, do you understand me?”

Clay just glared at me with unfiltered hatred. I was sure he was disappointed I did not die. I did not want to spend my life being hated by my omega, but if that was what it took to keep him, so be it. He could hate me all he wanted, as long as he was safe.

Lendel applied some stinging serum to a wound on my arm and I hissed. I needed somewhere to direct my anger. I lashed out and hit the bottle from his hands. “Get out.”

Lendel looked at Kesk. “But Arani , we need to—”

I bared my teeth. “I said. Get out . Both of you.”

He backed away, Kesk going with him.

“ [Unknown Deity] give it to me. ” Clay pushed himself up and limped over to me, snatching the jar from the floor. “ You don’t need to be such a rectum, they were just trying to help you.”

I bared my teeth as Clay attempted to spread the gel across my arm, but he just narrowed his eyes at me and slathered it on. It stung and I jerked my hand away, growling and baring my teeth. On the other side of the room, Lendel and Kesk flinched back again.

“Hold still,” Clay snapped, entirely unmoved by my anger, which only made me more angry. I could snap him in half if I chose to; it was lucky for him that I was gracious and mild-mannered.

“It stings,” I growled.

He rolled his eyes. “Maybe if you held still like they asked you to, it wouldn’t hurt so much,” he said. “Anyway, I thought you were supposed to be a big, tough guy, stop acting like a baby.”

I chose to ignore that last comment. “Maybe if you had stayed here as you said you would, this would not have happened.”

“It’s your fault that I tried to run away.”

“My fault?” I said. Clay looked at me and I tightened my jaw. “Well, I would not have had to be forceful and restrain you if you had not been so difficult.”

“You kidnapped me.”

“You are an omega.”

“That doesn’t mean you can just do whatever you want with me.”

I could not think of anything to say to that. Yes, it did. He was an omega and I was an alpha. I could not understand what his difficulty with that was.

“ You can’t just come onto people’s ships, kidnap anyone you want, and then expect them to do what you say just because you think they smell nice.”

Behind Clay, Lendel and Kesk exchanged a look.

“I am just trying to keep you safe,” I said.

“Well, I would be a lot safer on my own ship with my own crew, and not surrounded by a species of psychos who want to rip each other apart for a chance to bang me.”

I did not know what half of his words meant, and I grumbled deep in my chest. No matter what he said, he belonged here with me. He was just too stubborn to see it. There was no point in arguing with him.

“That is beside the point, you should not have left my quarters.”

“Why wouldn’t I? You went crazy, you busted down the door, then took away my clothes and—” He hesitated and his face took on a red hue. “You know.”

I bared my teeth. “You were refusing the mating ceremony and would not allow me in—which was incredibly rude. I would not have acted like that if you had just done what I said.”

“You kidnapped me. Why would I want to do anything you say? You act like I should be grateful.”

“It is an honor to be my mate.”

“Then why does no one else want you?”

I opened my mouth to speak, but nothing came out. A strange, sharp feeling bloomed in my chest at his words. Why did it hurt?

“There are no unmated Aldar omegas left.” I did not like the defensive tone that my words took.

“I’m not surprised with the way you treat them.”

My mouth fell open. He was glaring down at my arm where he worked the salve in.

“I may have been…rash in the way I treated you. But no omega has ever rejected an alpha before. I was…upset.”

“Oh, and I have no reason to be upset?”

I looked away. Usually, when I was angry people left me alone or did what I said; they did not make me see things from their point of view. I did not like it.

He grunted and went on. “And a thank you would be nice. I dragged your sorry rectum halfway across the ship. I could have just left you there and gone—I could be back on my own ship by now. I’m starting to wish I had, if I’d known you’d be such a rectum.”

I stared at him. “You did what?”

“How else do you think you got here? You didn’t fly.”

I thought the betas had forced him to come back somehow. But he had chosen to stay and help me when I was at my most vulnerable. Why would he do that if he hated me so much? He could have escaped.

I looked over at Lendel and Kesk, who nodded, confirming it as the truth.

“You helped me?” I asked, stunned.

He did not look up from my wound.

“Why didn’t you leave?”

He shrugged. “You could have died. You’re a rectum, but you don’t deserve to die. I’m not heartless.” He pulled a face, the corners of his mouth twisting. “And anyway, you saved my life too. Twice,” he said in a low voice. “ So, thank you for that.”

It did not feel right for him to thank me. It was a given that I would do anything to keep him safe. More than that, the things I had said were true. But, somehow, what he had said was also true. What remaining strength my anger had given me faded away, and exhaustion weighed heavy on me.

“I would not let anything happen to you,” I said. “And thank you too.”

He glanced up at me quickly, then away again, screwing the lid back onto the serum.

“So, are you going to let me go now?” he asked.

I frowned. “No.”

He shrugged. “Worth a try. I’m tired, I’m going to get some sleep. If I’m allowed?”

I nodded dumbly, and he limped into the bedchamber.

***

I SAT ON the bench, dented and torn from being thrown about, with my head in my hands. I had righted all of the furniture and set everything back in order, moving stiffly while the serum worked on my wounds. Most of them were in the final stages of healing, but the gouge along my back and side were deeper. The serum could only partially heal it, and I would need to keep it bandaged until I could see the healers to have it mended properly.

But all told, I felt significantly better. So why did I feel this tightness in my chest? Like a giant hand squeezing my lungs and heart until it was too painful to breathe? Perhaps Clay’s alien pheromones were having a strange effect on me, as I thought before.

Or perhaps what I was feeling was…guilt.

I closed my eyes. It was my fault. I had driven him away, and he had nearly died because of it. How could I treat my omega in such a way? Even if he did reject me, how could I blame him for it? The terrible truth has started sinking in.

“Jursin wants to see you urgently,” Kesk said quietly from somewhere in front of me.

I knew I should go, but I could not face it. “Tell him I am busy.”

There was a long pause, and I hoped Kesk would leave me.

“Clay told us that you and Ulgar had a fight.”

I scowled, “I do not wish to talk about that worm,” I said. Then added, “Ulgar, not Clay. Clay is not a worm.”

“He has been acting irrationally recently—and not just him. Several unmated alphas have behaved unruly ever since you brought Clay here.”

“It is not my fault he cannot control himself,” I said, and then felt a strange pang in my stomach when I thought of how I had acted around Clay myself.

“Yes, but you might spare him some understanding.”

I scowled again. Understanding was the last thing I would give him. My fist being the first.

Kesk tilted his head. “Why have you not claimed him yet, when you know the effect he has on others? It seems needlessly risky to me.”

I hesitated. I did not want to tell him that I could not take Clay until he was willing. He would see it as a weakness—no omega ever denied an alpha, it was unheard of.

“The conditions have not been right yet,” I said vaguely.

“You have not felt the urge to mate with him yet?” he asked, clearly puzzled.

Heat rushed to my face. “I would not say that,” I said bitterly.

“Then what is the issue?”

Suddenly, I felt a surge of emotion stronger than any so far. A deep hollow in my stomach, an aching in my chest. My throat tightened and my eyes stung. I struggled for a moment to keep the words in, but they forced their way out. When I managed to speak, they came out strangled.

“He does not want me.”

Kesk’s reaction remained masked, but he watched me closely. I could not blame him, I was startled too; I’d never shown emotion like this. I’d never felt emotion like this. Displays of anger among alphas were frowned on, but anger was not really considered an emotional response so much as a show of wills. But never sadness, never fear. They were weak.

I buried my face in my hands again in shame.

“So why is that stopping you?” he asked carefully.

“I do not know, I do not understand. I cannot claim him until he is willing. It feels wrong.” I shook my head, disgusted with myself. “I am weaker than I thought.”

He was silent for some time.

“Arcay. There is a reason you were chosen to be the Second. You are strong, a fierce warrior. Your reasoning is faultless.” He paused, and I heard a slight smile in his words. “Well, it usually is. But there is more to you—I saw it from the very beginning. I know alphas pride themselves on their strength and fortitude, but empathy is not a weakness. It is a skill that not many alphas possess.”

I raised my head to look at him. He stood with his arms crossed, watching me with a gentle smile. I did not see the scorn I was expecting, or the disappointment. Something loosened in my chest and I longed for him to hug me, as my father used to when I was young. My hands twitched, but I kept them to myself.

“I do not understand. I am doing everything as I should, and yet he is still resistant. It makes no sense. I fear that I have already gone too far with him. I let my anger and frustration make me act out, and now he will never accept me.”

“Might I make a suggestion, Arani ?”

I bristled.

“Ok,” I said, narrowing my eyes.

He cleared his throat and spoke carefully.

“Perhaps the problem is that you are treating him like an Aldarian omega.”

“And?”

“And he is not Aldarian, Arani , he is human. Our ways may not work as desired on him.”

I frowned. I had not considered that, but it made sense. He was not an Aldar, and I could not expect him to act like one. We were from two different cultures, perhaps I needed to alter my approach.

I grumbled in begrudging acceptance. “What do you suggest?”

“From what I remember, their species prefers to learn about each other and engage in personal bonding before forming a mating relationship.”

“That makes no sense.”

“I know, they are an odd species.”

I grunted. “Fine. I will try it. But what if he still refuses?”

“You may need to charm him, Arani .”

“Ah.”

Charm him? That was a whole realm I was unfamiliar with. I had never charmed anyone before. But if that was what it took, so be it.

I would charm Clay.