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CHAPTER FORTY

-Clay-

ARCAY HAD THE crew taken to the infirmary, where they were set up in beds and tended to by a team of healers, hurrying back and forth under his harsh gaze.

I still didn’t know what was going on, why my friends were here, and who had done this to them. It seemed like no one had any idea what was going on.

I sat next to the bed where Caldwell slept. His face was calm now, but I couldn’t help picturing the panic when he’d seen Arcay towering over him, and the words he’d choked out.

It’s him.

What did he mean by that? That Arcay had done this? I’d never seen Caldwell look so scared. After that, he was inconsolable, crying and trying to get away. One of the healers had had to sedate him while I stood there watching, useless. After that, I had stuck to his side like glue, afraid that if I took my eyes off him he’d disappear again. He’d faded in and out a few times, each time he made that horrible noise again.

Arcay moved through the infirmary like a restless lion, giving orders to the healers, talking to guards that came and went. I hadn’t had a chance to talk to him about what Caldwell had said yet. And a part of me didn’t want to. He wouldn’t do something like this. Would he?

A healer in white robes approached and pressed a cylinder against the flesh of Caldwell’s upper arm.

“What is that?” I asked. This whole thing had left me jumpy.

A short while ago, Kesk had shown up with my translator, and the device chewed my words out in a metallic warble.

The healer’s eyes flicked over to me and then lowered again . “A stimulant. He has had enough time to rest, he can wake up now.”

The cylinder hissed, and Caldwell’s body flinched, although he didn’t open his eyes.

“He’s gonna be ok?”

The beta nodded, passing an instrument over Caldwell’s chest, presumably to monitor his vitals. “Apart from being insufficiently fed and hydrated, and his reaction to the foreign chemicals used on him, he has no other injuries. We can remedy those easily.”

I sagged, relieved. If anything bad had happened to Caldwell, and the rest of the crew, I really didn’t think I’d be able to forgive myself. I scrubbed my hands through my hair and let out a long breath around the hard lump now forming in my throat. They were going to be ok.

“Clay?”

I looked up. Caldwell was blinking his eyes open, squinting against the lights of the infirmary and peering up at me. He still looked bleary and out of it, but some color had returned to his face, which made him look one thousand times better than the first time he’d woken up. His pupils under his heavy eyelids were back to normal too, and I could see the brown circling them. He was still too skinny and sunken-looking, but he didn’t have that waxy dead look that had frightened the shit out of me.

“Caldwell. Hey,” I croaked.

He looked confused for a moment, then a weak smile spread across his face.

“Fuck me, you’re alive.” He lunged at me, almost toppling out of bed.

“Whoa.” I caught him around the shoulders and he threw his arms around me in a wobbly hug. I squeezed him back, careful not to do it too hard. He felt so scrawny, like I could snap him in half if I wasn’t careful.

“Holy shit, we all thought you were dead. Are you ok? What happened?” he pulled back and looked me in the face, letting out a disbelieving laugh, and I grinned back at him. Sheer relief flooded through me. This was the old Caldwell; he was back and he was going to be alright. But then, before I could say anything else, a healer passed by and Caldwell’s eyes went wide as he took in his surroundings for the first time. He clutched the side of the bed.

“Shit.”

I grabbed his wrist as he recoiled. “No, it’s ok, they’re not going to hurt you. They’re doctors, they’re looking after you.”

Caldwell was shaking under my hand. “We’re still here? I thought…I thought we’d been rescued.”

“You have, you’re safe now, I swear. These guys aren’t going to hurt you. Nothing bad is going to happen to you, or any of the guys.”

He settled slightly, but his eyes were still wide as he took in the betas moving between the cots, and the other crew members still out cold.

“What the hell is going on?” his eyes dragged back to me, and he did a full body scan for the first time. “What happened to you?”

I was suddenly very aware of my appearance; the fancy revealing clothes, all the gold jewelry, and, oh god, the fucking fragrance wafting off me. All this while he was in a plain gray robe that looked a lot like a hospital gown, his hair greasy and unwashed, stinking of stale sweat. Unlike him, I had clearly been well looked after.

I hesitated, unsure what to say. Guilt bubbled inside me, like I’d betrayed him and the whole crew. Because while they’d been suffering, I was being pampered.

He misread my hesitation. His voice dropped low. “What’s wrong, are you a prisoner? Did they hurt you? I’m so sorry we couldn’t get you back—”

“No,” I cut him off, feeling even more guilty. Jesus, the state he was in, and he was feeling bad about me . “I’m fine, you don’t have to worry about me. Really.”

Caldwell didn’t believe me. He carried on, brow furrowed. “Once you got taken away we tried to fight for you, but we just couldn’t. I’m so sorry, man. We tried, we really did. But they wiped the floor with us.”

They fought to get me back? My stomach clenched. All this time I had been bitter, thinking they’d abandoned me.

“You don’t have to apologize, buddy. Really. But…I don’t understand why you guys are here. I thought you left.”

Caldwell looked even more confused. “Left? No, we wouldn’t leave without you, man. Why would you think that?”

I glanced over at Arcay, to find that he was watching me intently.

“You didn’t try to leave? They didn’t say you could go?”

“No.”

He seemed hurt now.

“But I made a deal,” I said, more to myself than him.

“What?” Caldwell’s eyes flicked over to Arcay.

I shook my head. “What happened after I was taken?”

“After they trashed us, they locked us up. There was nothing we could do, so we were kinda sitting tight to see what would happen. I don’t know how long we were there for, but eventually one of them came. We couldn’t understand what was happening, but he was pretty rough, and we guessed he wasn’t there to send us on our merry way. He took us one at a time, and the ones he took never came back. Eventually, I got dragged out into this bright room and…it gets a bit foggy after that, I can’t really...but I remember being cold. Really cold. And feeling sick.” He shuddered and hunched in on himself. “And now, I’m here. And I still have no damn clue what’s going on.”

I sat back and closed my eyes briefly. So the Aldar hadn’t even tried to let them go. My crew had deliberately been held against their will this whole time. Now that the initial shock of finding them had worn off, anger grew in its place.

Over my shoulder, Arcay stood stiffly against the far wall, watching me.

Caldwell followed my gaze. “Shit, is that the alien from the ship? The one who took you away?”

“Yeah,” I said. “That’s Arcay. He’s ok, don’t worry.”

“Ok?” Caldwell blinked. “I’m so damn confused. He kidnapped you, and you’re saying he’s ok? What happened, exactly?”

Caldwell scanned me again, this time lingering on my clothes, hair, and jewelry.

Right. I owed him an explanation. But the summary version would do for now.

“After he took me we…made a deal. He would let you guys go…if I stayed here.”

There was a beat of heavy silence.

“Oh. Well, I don’t wanna call him a liar but…”

I pressed my lips together. Yeah.

He watched me closely. “So what did he want? Why did he take you?”

“It’s complicated.”

“Are you a prisoner?”

“Erm. No. No, not really.” How could I explain this without going into details? What was I supposed to say? We’re fucking?

“He still likes staring at you.”

I looked over at Arcay again, his face hadn’t changed, his eyes locked on me. I flushed and cleared my throat.

“Er, yeah. I guess he does.”

Caldwell looked at me for a while, then frowned. “Does he…like you?” He said. “Is…that why he wanted to keep you?”

“Uhm.” I couldn’t meet his eyes. I couldn’t escape the feeling that I’d let my crew down. That I’d betrayed them by falling into bed with the enemy. But I owed him the truth. “Yeah. Something like that. It’s this whole…thing they do.”

Ok, so that wasn’t really the truth, but I was a coward. And Caldwell’s words rang in my head again.

Him, it was him.

I had to know. I didn’t think he’d do something like this, but then I also thought my crew was light-years away from here, and I’d been wrong about that too. I had to be sure.

“Who was the Aldar that locked you up? Do you remember what he looked like?”

“I dunno, man. I mean, they all kinda look the same to me.” He shrugged and scratched his temple. “He was big, and a funny color. And he spoke a weird language.”

I hesitated. “Was it…”

Caldwell looked at me, reading my expression, then glanced over my shoulder at Arcay.

Please say no. Please say no.

Caldwell shook his head. “It wasn’t your guy, it was a different one. Sorry, I was a bit out of it when I woke up before. They all look the same, you know?”

I heaved a sigh of relief and then instantly felt guilty. After everything that Caldwell had gone through because of me, I was relieved that it wasn’t my alien boyfriend that had kidnapped and tortured them all. I really was a self-centered asshole.

“I’m sorry—” I started.

“It’s not your fault, man, there wasn’t anything you could have done.”

There was, though. There was a lot I could have done, if I hadn’t been too busy shacking up with my alien abductor and flying around in my shiny new spaceship. I was so sick at myself. How could I have let this happen?

I wanted to tell myself that there was no way I could have known, but I could have checked, couldn’t I? When I made the deal with Arcay, I could have asked for proof, I could have insisted that I see them leave with my own eyes. But I had been too wrapped up in my own shit to spare one thought for the crew, other than to assume they’d left me at the first opportunity and never looked back. Because, god damn it, that’s what I would have done. I’d just believed the worst of them without question, and felt sorry for myself that my friends didn’t care about me. I’d dismissed them in a second.

When, in truth, the whole crew had fought for me, and then been held captive and tortured.

I clenched my hands. I’d assumed they were all as shitty as me. But they weren’t. They were so much better.

Warmth prickled across my shoulders as Arcay neared. Caldwell cowered, but I didn’t turn.

“We need to talk,” Arcay said quietly.

Yeah, we do, I thought. His apprehension in response to my anger seeped into me. Confusion. Concern.

I stood, putting my hand on Caldwell’s shoulder. “You’re safe now. Nothing is going to happen to you or the rest of the crew, I promise.” And this time I’d damn well make sure of it, even if I had to storm Jursin’s quarters and demand answers. “Let me know if any of the others wake up and remember anything, we need to find out who did this to you.” I gave his shoulder a gentle squeeze and tried to smile through the anger that wanted to twist my face into a snarl. Guess the Aldar were rubbing off on me. “I’m going to sort this whole shitshow out.”

He nodded, staring up at me with trust in his eyes. Trust that I didn’t deserve, but by hell, I was going to earn it.