Page 8

The sensation of being bare inside her for the first time was an experience I’ll never forget, and even now, sitting here while she sobbed into my chest after telling me she was pregnant, I couldn’t bring myself to regret it.

I couldn’t even call myself a dumbass, and for the life of me, I couldn’t stop the smile on my face.

“Every time you see me, I’m crying.” She sniffed, glancing up at me with bloodshot eyes.

“It’s okay.” Picking up a napkin, I dabbed her damp cheeks as she slid away from me slightly along the booth seat.

Her warm brown eyes tinged with redness from her crying, and I wondered how long she’d been crying before I showed up.

At least I knew why she was awake so early.

“So, I guess I should ask how you’re feeling?

And, um. You know, when’s it due? Or whatever.

” I pushed my hat up and scrubbed a hand through my hair. “Sorry, I guess when did you find out?”

“Yesterday.”

My cheeks puffed out. “Wow.”

“I’m sorry, I know it’s a shock. It’s still a shock to me.”

I frowned at her. “First thing, you’re going to need to stop saying sorry.”

“Sor…” She stopped and offered me a sad smile as Giuseppe arrived back at the table with a plate of breakfast. He seemed to have taken my request for two breakfasts seriously.

I moved back into my seat. “Sure you don’t want any of this?”

“I’m sure, I feel a bit queasy,” she replied while I bit into a slice of toast and she watched me eat.

Pregnant. Pregnant. Pregnant. I literally couldn’t think of another thing to say. I knew the how and the when. What else was there?

“I don’t know if I’m allowed to ask this…” I started eventually, scooping a mouthful of eggs in, and putting my fork down. “What…um…what’s next?”

“What d’you mean?”

“Well, what do you do when you’re pregnant. Do you get instructions? Do we have to go to the doctor? Do you know what you want to do?” Did I know what I wanted to do? Nope. I picked up a slice of bacon while she thought about it. “It goes without saying whatever you decide I’ll support you.”

“Does it?”

“Does what?”

“Go without saying?”

“Of course. If that’s what you decide. I’ll support you. However, you want.”

“What? You’re not going to tell me to get an abortion?” She sniffed, her eyes filling up again.

“I’m not going to tell you to do anything,” I replied, wiping my fingers on a napkin. “Do you want an abortion?”

“I don’t know what I want. I don’t know what to do.” She sobbed. “Please help me, I’ve fucked up everything. ”

I pushed away my plate of food and moved back into the spot next to her. “Millie, you’ve fucked up nothing. And we’re in this together, if you’ve fucked up, then so have I.” I just didn’t feel like I’d fucked up.

“But…but I told you…birth control…and now…” she stuttered through her breaths.

Luckily the people in the booth next to us, the ones I’d soaked with my coffee, had moved somewhere drier, so we were relatively private.

No doubt everyone else thought we were going through the worst breakup ever and were giving us space.

“Mills, this isn’t just on you. There were two of us there, you didn’t see me running out for condoms.”

“Yeah, but I bet that happens to you all the time. You just got unlucky with me.”

Unlucky wasn’t the adjective I’d have used. At no point ever would I call myself unlucky. Quite the opposite. I also wasn’t going to tell her that it did happen all the time, girls always tried to make me go bare.

Using the tip of my finger, I eased her chin around until her eyes locked into mine. “Millie, you’re the only girl I’ve ever had sex with and not used a condom.”

I didn’t think her reaction would be another round of wailing. It was loud enough that Giuseppe came over to see if everything was okay.

“Her dog died,” I told him, which only made it worse. He hurried off, only to return with a plate he placed on the table in front of her.

“ Mia bella . This is the best chocolate brownie in New York. You eat this and you’ll feel better.”

“Thanks, man,” I replied as Millie sobbed through her gratitude .

I reached for my breakfast, and another slice of bacon while Millie continued crying quietly on my shoulder.

No point letting it get cold, and I figured she had a lot of tears to get out.

I wasn’t entirely sure why I wasn’t crying, too, or where this eerie sense of calm was coming from, but no matter how hard I focused on it, I couldn’t bring myself to panic.

I was worried she was about to dehydrate when she sat up, reached for her glass of water, and downed it in one. Then her eyes landed on the brownie and her tears dried, providing concrete and irrefutable evidence of the power of chocolate.

“Good?” I asked as she put half of it in her mouth at once.

She nodded.

“Have you told your mom?”

She shook her head.

“Are you going to tell her?”

She huffed a smile. “I think it’s going to be hard to hide, don’t you?”

“Yeah, I guess.” I chuckled. “Does that mean you want to keep it?”

Her shoulders jerked up. “I dunno. There’s so much to think about. I’m still in school. Where would I live? Do I just give up school forever? What about my future? Do I have a future if I have a kid, or does it get put on hold for twenty years? How will I pay for everything?”

Money was the least of her worries, I’d make sure of that.

But as I stared at her panic-filled face, I realized how much there was to think about and it was stuff I had no control over.

I knew I’d play ball for the rest of my life, but I could get transferred any minute, and then what?

I’d have to leave her, would they come with me?

Is this how it began? Millie had a twenty-four-hour head start on this news; maybe this time tomorrow the meltdown would be mine.

She licked the chocolate off her fingers and picked up the mint tea, which had to be stone cold by now, though she didn’t seem to notice.

“Do you want to be a mom?” I asked, because I figured any decision she made should probably come from that answer. If she said no it would be a problem solved.

“I mean, yeah, sure. Someday. Do you want to be a dad?”

I nodded. “Yes. I do.”

“Now?” She laughed.

“Hey, people always say you’re never ready for a kid, right?” I grinned, but Millie’s face fell, and I really didn’t want her to start crying again because then I might start. I took a deep breath. “When do you need to make any decisions?”

“I have another appointment with the doctor next week.”

“So we have a week to come to a decision?”

She glanced up at me and nodded slowly.

“How about we do this, take a week and think about it. Write down a list of pros and cons, then we go through them together.”

“Okay, that’s a good idea. Better than anything I came up with at least.” She quirked a brow at me.

“What?”

“I dunno, I just thought you’d be way more freaked out. Angry. I thought you’d want nothing to do with me. But you’re calm.”

My forehead creased as I stared at her. “When have I ever wanted nothing to do with you?”

She didn’t answer, just kind of curled her mouth and picked up her tea.

For the life of me I couldn’t think when I would have ever given Millie the impression I’d want nothing to do with her.

It reminded me of the day this all happened, when she thought I was pretending to want to stay with her. I’d never been more real in my life.

Now wasn’t the time to talk about it—because, one enormous life decision at a time, and all that. But it was a subject I would definitely be revisiting.

“What will your mom say?”

She shrugged sadly. “She thinks I’ve had food poisoning, so I’m going to have to tell her why I’m still puking every day.”

“What?”

“I’ve been sick for the past few weeks. Morning sickness.”

“Oh.” That didn’t sound fun. “Do you want me to come with you when you tell her?” I added, trying to find a break in my schedule for when I could get down to D.C. outside of games. We weren’t playing the Nationals again until next month.

“No, thank you. I’ll do it.” She shook her head, then dropped it in her hands. “She’s going to kill me.”

“She won’t. If she’s anything like my parents…”

Oh my god, I was going to have to tell my parents.

Maybe Holiday could tell them. It might be better coming from her. While my dad would be more concerned about making sure my money was secure, I knew for a fact my mom would freak out. And I mean freak .

I think it was still a shock to her that I was a functioning capable adult and not her youngest (albeit favorite) child. On the flip side, I’d been working hard to become more independent from my mom’s insistence to do everything she could for me, so perhaps this would finally prove that.

Or would they see this as an example of me not being mature enough to manage my life? Whatever conclusion they came to would be followed up with the question of whether I was planning to marry Millie.

Huh. Marry Millie. That was an idea I could certainly get behind.

“Yes?” asked Millie, and I realized I’d zoned out thinking about my mom. “What are your parents like?”

I smiled as wide as I could. “They’re great, very supportive and enthusiastic.

Holiday and I have an older brother and sister, both of them have kids and my parents love being grandparents.

” No point adding the rest. Millie had enough worries, plus Holiday could sweet talk them around enough that they’d fall in love with Millie at first sight.

“What’s Holiday going to say?”

“Holiday is going to want to take you shopping for all the baby stuff.”

Millie picked up the remaining brownie crumbs with the tip of her finger. “That could be fun.”

“There you go then, something to add to your pro column. Shopping.” I laughed.

“Yeah, shopping. If I decide to keep it…” She left the en d of the sentence hanging, though I knew exactly what she was saying.

“If you decide to keep it, then we’ll do the rest together. You’re not alone, Mills. We both got into this.”

There was something about the way she smiled at me that felt like she’d reached into my chest and stroked her fingers along my heart.

I would have bet a million dollars on my morning panning out very differently. But as I thought about it, it dawned on me that would have been a million dollars I’d have been happy to lose.