Page 10

“Hi, sweetheart,” she began as she rummaged through her purse. “Where’ve you been? I didn’t hear you go out.”

“I’m fine, Mom.” I quirked a smile, pushing away all the nerves. “Do you have a minute? I need to tell you something.”

“Can it wait, your brother just announced he has friends coming for the weekend and I need to head to the store.”

I held in the eye roll, I don’t know why Matty thought I was so incapable when he couldn’t even do a food shop. And I could wait until she got back, but then something else would come up. If I didn’t tell her now then I’d never do it.

“No, not really.”

“Can you come to the store and tell me on the way?”

“No, Mom, please. Just a minute.” I met her halfway up the stairs and took her hand, ignoring the confused look on her face as I pulled her into the living room.

She took a seat on the couch. “Okay.”

I stayed standing, I’d decided it would be easier if I was standing.

“Mom, I’m pregnant.”

Whatever my mom had been thinking about in that moment—likely my annoying brother and his friends—disappeared out of her brain. I saw it happen; her eyes went from slightly glazed over to precision focus.

“What did you say?”

“I’m pregnant.”

“Pregnant? With a baby?”

My brows knotted slightly, was there any other way to be pregnant? “I mean…yes?”

She was eerily silent, but I knew it wouldn’t last. The air was already thick with the expectation of an imminent explosion.

“Pregnant? PREGNANT?” She jumped up, spun around, and marched to the door before marching right back, only this time her eyes were a little wetter. “ Pregnant ?” she whispered.

Fuck. I nodded. “Yes.”

Her arms crossed tightly over her chest. “Is this my fault? Is this because of Doug?”

“What? No, Mom. It’s no one’s fault. I mean…it’s mine but?—”

“When did you find out?”

“The beginning of the week, it’s why I was getting sick.”

“The beginning of the week? And you’re only telling me now?”

“I wanted to tell you in person.”

“You arrived yesterday afternoon.”

“I know.” My eyes screwed shut, it would be easier to say it if I couldn’t see the daggers she was shooting my way. “But I wanted to be a little nearer a decision before I did.”

“A little nearer? What does that mean?”

“I haven’t been able to figure out what to do.”

“What to do?”

Oh my god. This was going to take all day if she kept repeating everything I said.

“Well, I guess what I’m trying to say is…I’ve been weighing up my options, and right now I’m leaning toward seeing it through.”

“I see.” Her hands flew up and pressed against the side of her head.

“Oh my god, Millie. Oh my god . How could you be so stupid? We’d talked about protection.

We’d talked about boys. Why were you not more careful?

What about school? What about your life?

You’re twenty- one. And who’s the father? Someone from Columbia too?”

I swallowed hard, trying to keep up with the barrage of questions she’d fired at me. I thought she might be too mad to ask about the father, but may as well rip the Band-Aid off. “Actually, he’s a friend…of Radley’s boyfriend.”

She frowned, her shoulders relaxed a little. “Radley’s boyfriend? Lux, the baseball player?”

I nodded. “Yup.”

“And this friend of his?—”

“His name is Tanner.”

“Tanner. Tanner. Why do I know that name?” she mused, before her narrowed eyes flew open. “The shortstop ?”

I had to think for a second if shortstop was Tanner’s position. I couldn’t be sure. I nodded anyway.

“A baseball player. A baseball player?”

“Yes. He plays baseball.”

My mom stared at me while her brain got to work.

I’d been in this situation before, I’d also witnessed my brothers in this situation, especially Josh, who liked to sneak a lot of girls into the house not so sneakily, only to be balled out by my mom in the morning. I knew enough to keep my mouth shut for as long as this went on for.

“I can’t have this conversation right now. I need to go to the store,” she said eventually and left through the front door in such a hurry she didn’t close it behind her. The screech of the car as it reversed down the driveway and onto the road did the rest of the talking for her.

If you can believe it, I thought that would go way worse .

I slumped down on the couch, only the nudging of Brinkley’s nose on my hand stopped me dissolving into a fit of sobs.

It was over, I’d done the hardest part for now.

I was tempted to go and find Radley, but I figured I should probably wait for my mom to return, even though I had no idea how long she’d be.

Instead, I trudged upstairs to my room to change into my bathing suit.

I might be on the verge of a nervous breakdown, but the baking heat from the early afternoon sun was calling me outside.

My bedroom seemed so different than it had this morning; the neutral tones were the same, and so were the queen bed, the soft sheer drapes blocking the sun from shining directly in while providing a shred of privacy, but it was different. Childish almost.

Was it the room of a mother? Where would the crib go? By the pinboard with all the medals and banners I’d won at school, or the giant stuffed teddy I’d had since I was a kid?

Actually, that could stay.

My belly was still flat enough that it was impossible to imagine what it would look like a month from now, three months, six, nine.

Even pushing it out as far as I could didn’t help.

I’d always joked to Radley that she was the one with the great tits, whereas I barely needed to wear support beyond a sports bra.

But as I stripped off and studied my naked body in my bathroom mirror, I knew it would all change soon.

My body, my room, my life.

A flash of sunlight snapped me out of the flurry of unanswered questions spinning in my brain. Pulling on my swimsuit and picking up my favorite book—a very well-worn copy of Sense and Sensibility —I made my way down to the pool, followed closely by Brinkley, who promptly launched himself in it.

Diving in after him, I swam a few laps before my book called to me and I snuggled down into one of the soft striped loungers edging the water.

I’d meant to read, but somewhere along the lines I must have fallen asleep because in the next moment, the sun had moved across the sky on its descent to the horizon.

I woke to find my mom sitting on the lounger next to me, her eyes red and puffy.

Immediately my belly twisted itself in knots.

I reached out my hand to her. “Mom, I’m so sorry.”

She didn’t reply right away, instead a smile curled her lips. A sad smile, the type of smile I’d not seen on her for a long time. Her fist was clenched, and she was shaking something in it.

“You went to see Daddy today?”

I nodded. “Yes, how’d you know?”

She held her hand out to reveal a handful of jelly beans, minus the orange ones.

I pushed myself up to sitting, swinging my legs around until my feet hit the floor. “You went?”

She swiped away a tear. “I did. I went to talk to him and ask him for some advice. Did you tell him?”

“Yes.”

“You always were a daddy’s girl.” Her expression softened and her smile brightened a fraction. “Tanner Simpson should count his lucky stars that he won’t have to deal with him.”

I matched her smile with one of my own. “That’s what I said to Radley. ”

She huffed out a laugh. “Oh god, Millie. If you go ahead with this, you know it’s going to be hard, the hardest thing you’ll ever do. You’ll have to defer school, you’ll need to study with a baby, sleepless nights, crying?—”

“I know, Mom.”

“And the diapers, the teething, your life will belong to a tiny, helpless little thing?—”

“ Mom , I know.”

She leaned forward, clasping my hands. “I’ll help you, I’ll support you. But you are not dropping out of school.”

“I don’t want to drop out. I can do it, Columbia has support groups for parents, and helps with their study time and nursery.” I knew this, I’d already checked when I was trying to pull together my pros and cons list.

“And what’s Tanner’s involvement? Have you thought about that?”

I nodded. “He said he’ll support me in any way I need. He’s a good guy, Mom, I promise.”

From the expression on her face, I wasn’t sure she agreed with me. “Are you together?”

I shook my head, though weirdly the idea wasn’t as abhorrent to me as I’d previously found it. “No, we’re friends. I still need to tell him that I’m going to go ahead with it. But we’re not together.”

Her brows dropped. “And if he changes his mind about supporting you? And if you’re not together what if he starts a new relationship? Or you for that matter? Have you thought about that?”

I knew what she was doing, as any good mom would do, I guess.

But I could also see all the worry on her face, new worry that I’d caused.

She didn’t need to worry about me starting a relationship, it was the furthest thing from my mind.

Even if I wasn’t pregnant, being part of a couple, making my heart vulnerable, was not a plan of mine.

Not yet. I’d had enough heartbreak to last me a long time.

“If he changes his mind then I’ll do it alone, and I’ll still be okay.” I moved over to sit next to her. “You know why? Because this won’t be the hardest thing I’ve ever done, the hardest thing was burying Daddy, and watching you grieve.”

My mom’s face crumbled into a sob as she slid over to my lounger and wrapped her arms around me.

“Oh, sweetheart.”

Her tears set off my own and we quietly mourned together as we’d done so much over the past few years—for the loss of my dad, for how much we missed him, and how everything would now be different. A brand-new life we’d have to navigate without him.

It wasn’t a moment we managed to enjoy for long. The whistle of a football through the air followed by my brother’s cannonball into the pool ruined it completely.

“Matthew Robinson,” my mom screeched and snatched up a towel to wipe herself dry.