Page 41
TWENTY
MILLIE
Tanner: Will you wear my shirt tonight?
Millie: Of course! My mom washed it too
Tanner: Then we’ll definitely win
Millie: You will
Tanner: I miss you
Millie: We’ll be back tomorrow
Tanner: Can’t wait. Give the bump a kiss for me, and save one for when I see you
Millie: Deal
“Did you hear from Tan this morning?”
Tan .
I slipped my phone back into my pajama pants pocket. The boys had headed back to New York after winning two games against the Nats, and the third in the series would be played on home ground.
“Yes.”
“Sweet. Me too. He sent me this hilarious meme of Boomer Jones running around the bases. He’s funny.”
“I know.”
“I think the Lions will win, Mildred. I can feel it. Their team is definitely the strongest, I’ve been comparing team stats this morning. D’you know Tanner ended the regular season with an on-base plus slugging of .914?”
Ugh. “Yes.”
“One of the best in the league.”
“I know .”
“What time does the game start tonight?”
Gah . That did it, I lost track of counting out the supplements I had to take every morning—a concoction of pregnancy tablets and other vitamins Tanner had gotten from his nutritionist designed to keep me in tip-top shape.
Problem was, they all looked the same, and unless I was paying attention, I couldn’t remember which one was which.
The jars I’d taken them from weren’t much help either, as I’d removed all the lids. I needed a better system, or the firing of these questions to stop.
Preferably the latter.
“Mildred? What time does the game start?”
“Same time as it did yesterday, and the same time as the day before that.”
“Okay, wiseass, you could have just said seven thirty.”
With an eye roll, I scooped the pills off the counter and knocked them all back with a glass of freshly squeezed orange juice.
“Why are you so pissy this morning? Do you need some coffee, is that it?” My idiot brother grinned, and he was lucky he was far enough away that I couldn’t reach him.
I’d woken up wanting to hit something, and he was as good as anything else.
“I’m not pissy.”
“Um, yeah. You are.” He scoffed, snatching my bagel before I could as it popped up from the toaster.
“Give that back.”
“You snooze, you lose.” His grin widened. Sometimes it made it worse that it was exactly the same as my dad’s. It did today, anyway.
“Matty, give me back the bagel.”
“Okay, fine, here,” he replied, passing it over, only to take a massive bite out of it first.
“Jesus. Why are you such a dick? ”
“Why are you so moody?”
“I’m not moody,” I snapped back, right as my throat thickened and a torrent of tears pushed itself up my throat, brimming in my eyes so quickly I couldn’t see.
“ Whoa . Mildred. Chill . I was only kidding around,” he spat out, hands held up in defense. “Sorry, okay. Don’t cry about it, it was a joke . That’s all. It’s only a bagel.”
Carefully inching toward me, as one would do a wild animal, he patted my shoulder.
Pat. Pat. Pat.
“It was the last bagel.” I sobbed, swiping a hand across my eyes. “and stop fucking calling me Mildred.”
“Mil lie , seriously, I’m sorry. I’ll go and get you some more.” He stepped back one foot at a time, then turned and ran out, heading into the garage where his car was, shouting, “Won’t be long. ”
“Was that your brother?” asked my mom, entering through the main kitchen archway, followed by Brinkley.
I nodded and blew my nose on a piece of kitchen towel.
“Where’s he going?”
“To the store for more bagels.”
Her brows dropped. “Why?”
“I was making one, and he ate it. It was the last one.”
My mom crossed the kitchen and opened the freezer door. “There are two more packets in here.”
“ Oh .” I shrugged. “Guess he didn’t know.”
I also hadn’t known they were in the freezer, but I wasn’t about to call him back if it bought me some peace and quiet for half an hour. Plus, they’d get eaten anyway.
Did I purposefully start crying? No, I cried because I had no control over my hormones these days.
Was I in a mood? Possibly.
And did it involve my brothers? Without a doubt.
It started two nights ago on the way back from the Nats’ stadium after the Lions beat them in the first game of the series.
Up until the journey home, both of my brothers had pledged allegiance to the Nats and swore they’d never accept a New York Lion in their home.
Not only that, Tanner would have to prove himself worthy if they were to accept him as a potential brother-in-law/father of my child, or something along those lines.
Now?
Matty and Josh worshipped at the altar of Tanner Simpson.
It had started out with Holiday’s star quality and how blown away they were she was his sister, even after I’d told them there was no way she’d date either one of them.
Holiday had been their gateway into this new level of Tanner fandom, and it hadn’t taken long before the three of them were in a group chat I hadn’t been invited to.
I didn’t know why it bothered me so much that they were now BFFs. I wanted them to like him, obviously. He was the father of my child. Everyone loved Tanner so easily, and I could see why.
He was someone I could admit I cared a lot for, someone I liked a lot, which was not anything I’d have said six months ago. Quite the opposite.
But love ? Love seemed like such a huge stretch. Even after all his sweetness and thoughtfulness. His generosity. Love was so absolute.
Even after all the incredible sex we’d been having. And the time we’d been spending together.
It was huge enough that I was beginning to wonder if perhaps there was something wrong with me. A problem no one else seemed to have.
And the question that niggled in my brain at two a.m. most nights, if we didn’t have a baby coming, would I have ever stopped giving him a hard time?
Then around and around my brain would go until it was morning.
“Are you feeling okay, sweetheart?” my mom asked, sticking two halves of a frozen bagel in the toaster. “I’ll speak to your brother, get him to tone it down.”
I shook my head. “No, it’s okay. I’m just being grumpy.”
“Want to talk about it?”
I didn’t know where to start. Being jealous of my older brothers was not something I wanted to admit out loud, nor did wondering if I was ever capable of loving someone outside of friends and family.
“No, it’s nothing. I shouldn’t even be mad, it’s just…ugh, it’s dumb. I’m tired.” I replied, rubbing across my belly.
I’d gotten to the point where it felt like I was getting bigger every day. The cute plaid pajamas I was wearing had been a little baggier last week, for sure. Pajamas Tanner had bought me.
“Go and rest, take a bath, have a nap?—”
“Maybe later,” I replied, dropping the hot bagel halves I’d removed from the toaster onto a plate.
Twisting off the lid from a jar of peanut butter, I stuck my knife in and scooped out a big chunk.
As usual, anytime food of any kind made an appearance, Brinkley wouldn’t be far away, or like right now, drooling by my feet.
Cutting a piece of my bagel loaded with PB, I handed it over for him to gobble up.
Brinkley eating peanut butter always brought a smile to my face.
“Doug’s picking up steaks to grill tonight before the game, and your brother wants to make loaded potato skins. Is there anything you want to add?”
“Maybe some salad? Radley’s coming, too, is that cool?”
“Of course, you know Doug, there’s always plenty of food.” She laughed, and the lines around her eyes fanned deeply, framing the sparkle in them.
It wasn’t that long ago I thought she’d never smile again .
I wasn’t sure any of us would. This was my first visit home since Doug had officially moved in and, amazingly, the world hadn’t ended.
Photos of my dad were still in the same places they had been before, the rooms all looked the same, the house smelled the same, and I couldn’t find one thing out of place.
And truly, Doug was a nice guy and so different from my dad that it was impossible to see him as a replacement. He worked in the National Archives, for one. That was like two steps up from being a librarian. Everyone loved him.
Just like everyone loved Tanner.
I reached around, wrapping my arms around her, while managing to avoid getting my peanutty fingers anywhere. “I’m glad you’re happy, Mom, I really am.”
“Thank you, sweetheart,” she replied, holding me close before pushing me back.
She studied my face, in the way that only moms do, her eyes roaming over me slowly until it was impossible to withstand any more scrutiny.
“Are you okay?”
I nodded. “Yes.”
She rolled her mouth, stepping away to the sink, where she transferred my brother’s plates into the dishwasher. “You know, Tanner’s different from how I thought he’d be. I like him a lot.”
I bit into my bagel. “Everyone does.”
“Do you ?”
“Of course I do.” I swallowed my mouthful and reached for the rest of my OJ. I didn’t want to ask her why she was asking, because truthfully, I didn’t want to hear her answer .
She was silent for a minute, the only sound the clacking of dishes and glass as she loaded the dishwasher and turned it on.
“Did I ever tell you how nuts your father used to drive me?”
My ears pricked and I shook my head, because that was news to me.
My parents had always seemed to be totally in love, and they had been from the get-go.
When my dad was home from assignments, they were practically inseparable. I barely even heard them do more than bicker, and even then, it was only in jest because my dad would do anything for my mom.
“Well, he did. It was long before we got together, when we met at college. He’d follow me around acting like an idiot, behaving like a jock, expecting me to fall for him, but all I wanted to do was hang with my friends and have fun. He really was such an idiot.”
I felt myself frowning, because beyond terrible dad jokes, that wasn’t the father I knew. “Wasn’t Daddy on the football team? He always said his touchdowns were what won you over.”
Table of Contents
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- Page 41 (Reading here)
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