Page 6

“Millie, do you have a friend to talk to? Maybe I can call someone to come and get you.”

That snapped me out of the daze I was in. No, I didn’t need the doctor calling anyone.

“I’m fine, I’ll figure it out. I’m supposed to meet my best friend now.”

Doctor Scott nodded. “Okay, good. Let me draw some blood, then we’ll get you an appointment for next week to talk about where to go from here.”

“Thank you,” I said, holding out my arm as she wound the pressure cuff over it.

“Whatever you decide, it’ll be okay. Don’t worry,” she replied, sliding a needle into my vein.

I watched the syringe fill with thick, dark red blood and never wanted to believe someone so badly.

R adley’s blonde ponytail swung behind her as she jogged toward me.

“Mills, where’ve you been? I was calling you.”

I stared down at the phone in my hand. Sure enough, there were a dozen missed calls from Radley, but I swear I’d not noticed a single one. I was thirty minutes late too.

“I just came from the doctor.”

“But your appointment was three hours ago. You haven’t been there for three hours, have you?”

Truth be told I don’t know how long I’d been in the doctor. I just knew I went to the doctor this morning, I left the doctor and walked back to the Columbia gym where I’d arranged to meet Radley. One foot in front of the other. That’s how I’d done it.

“I don’t know. I guess it took a bit to walk back,” I replied, causing Radley’s eyes to widen and her brows to vanish under her bangs.

“You walked ? From Doctor Scott’s? That’s got to be a hundred blocks.”

“Maybe.”

My eyes narrowed at Radley. Was she swaying? Was the ground moving? Or was it all me? The ringing got louder, and I heard a muffled cry of my name as I sprinted to the nearest trash can and threw up. This is why I’d walked, because I kept vomiting.

Radley’s hand pressed into the small of my back, rubbing in soft circles.

“I have some water for you when you’re ready.”

Using my sweater sleeve, I swiped across my mouth and sat down on the nearby bench. I was lucky that it was quiet enough I had very few witnesses, beyond Radley’s two Secret Service agents standing on the other side of the path.

I took the bottle and a very small sip, too scared I was going to puke again. “Thank you. ”

“She didn’t give you anything to help then, huh?” she asked, sitting down next to me.

“Not exactly.”

“Did she say it was food poisoning?”

I shook my head. “No. It’s not food poisoning.”

“Hmm.” She pondered on a solution while I mustered up the courage to tell her.

It would be the first time saying it out loud, in the open, away from the doctor’s office. It would make it real.

Terrifyingly real.

“I’m pregnant.”

“…could be a bug you’ve picked up, though I’d have it, too, I guess. Or perhaps it’s an allergy to something. Maybe you’re still getting over that chest infection…Wait, what did you just say?”

I bit down on my lower lip, halting the panic and summoning the courage again. If I couldn’t tell my best friend, I couldn’t tell anyone. My vision immediately clouded with tears. I hadn’t cried yet, the shock was too present to allow it.

“I’m pregnant.”

I think she thought I was joking. From the way her eyes scoured my face, I could tell she was waiting for a punchline. She’d be waiting a while. Perhaps I was the punchline.

“You’re pregnant?” she whispered in the exact same tone I had to Doctor Scott.

“Apparently.”

“Oh, Mills. God.” Her hands reached for mine, resting them on my knee as she squeezed. “What…I mean, how ? No, who ? When? Sorry. ”

“Yeah. That’s where I’m up to.” I huffed a laugh, swiping my hands over my eyes.

“Do you want to tell me how it happened? I mean, not tell me how it happened but…you know. I didn’t know you were seeing anyone.”

Part of wanting to forget the whole Tanner fiasco was never speaking of it again, therefore I hadn’t.

And given how Radley had never brought it up, I made the assumption that Tanner hadn’t told the guys about it either.

Because if he had, Lux would have told Radley and you’d better believe Radley’s first call would have been to me.

I sighed, my head dropped. It would be easier if I couldn’t see her. “Remember the day I needed you to pick me up from Grand Central, and Tanner came?”

“Yeah. You went back to the dorm.”

“Right. With Tanner .”

“Yeah—”

Thirty seconds passed and she still hadn’t said anything, I turned to face her only to find her waiting for the rest of the story.

One I really didn’t want to relive. The sun was far too bright, and the birds far too cheery for me to deliver news of this magnitude.

I held her stare, hoping she’d get it, hoping she’d understand exactly what I was trying to tell her.

A thousand different emotions passed over her face. “You had sex with Tanner Simpson ?”

I nodded.

“And now you’re pregnant . With his baby?” she whispered so quietly I could barely hear her, but I nodded anyway.

I expected her to shout at me, maybe scold me for being so stupid, scold me for not telling her I’d slept with him in the first place. But she just sat there, my hand in hers.

“Does he know?”

I shook my head. “No, I just came from the doctor.”

“What are you going to do?”

“I don’t know.”

“Are you going to tell him?”

“I think I have to, don’t I?” It would be the right thing to do, this mess might be my fault, but it was a mess I’d involved him in.

“I think so.”

“Oh fuck.” My head dropped down again. “What have I done?”

“Are you guys seeing each other?” she asked, and I could hear the hurt in her voice. That I’d kept a secret from her.

“No. I haven’t seen him since it happened. I haven’t spoken to him.”

Her eyes flicked to mine, suddenly narrowed and angry. “Did he just sleep with you and leave? I’m going to kill him.”

“No. No. It’s not Tanner, it’s me. I’m the one. I freaked out and made him leave.”

“Freaked out about what?”

“You know how he’s been with me, all consuming and Tanner.

” She nodded, because she understood exactly what I was saying.

“But that day he came to get me, he was so sweet, and he listened to me and he didn’t care I was crying about my mom and Doug, or my dad.

After we had sex I was lying there and suddenly filled with panic that he’d gotten what he wanted, and I’d fallen for it.

I felt so dumb. I told him it was a mistake and kicked him out. ”

Radley’s mouth dropped open. “Millie.”

“I know, I’m an asshole. I’ve felt terrible about it since, but I can’t bring myself to speak to him.

And now I have to, don’t I?” I asked again, because maybe she’d have a different answer.

Although I knew deep down I was going to tell him, maybe I could do it another day a hundred years from now.

“This is the universe punishing me for being an asshole.” Taking my dad from me wasn’t enough.

“You need to tell him.” She nodded. “But have you thought about what you’re going to do?”

For the entire walk here the two options of keeping the pregnancy or terminating it ricocheted like a pinball in my brain. All it had given me was a headache.

“No.”

“Tanner might be able to help.”

“Oh my god,” I wailed. “He’s not going to want a kid. He’s a baseball player, he’s a player period. If I have it, I’ll be raising it on my own. I know it.”

She let go of my hand and wrapped her arms around my shoulder. “Hey, that’s not true. You’ll be raising it with me, because whatever you decide, I’m going to be right by your side. And whatever you decide, it’s going to be okay.”

It was the second time I’d heard that, and I still didn’t dare believe it. But it made me feel marginally better nonetheless. That was until I remembered I now had to speak to someone I could have easily avoided until the end of time.